Dont know why I feel the bad one

[maybeinanotherlife06]

Hi this is pretty long but thankyou if you can get to the end .

been with my boyfriend two years . It’s been very rocky me leaving quite a few times due to his behaviour . Im against drugs big time . And that’s been the main problem . Drink drugs porn abuse I could go on and on . Also porn is a deal breaker with me. He was severely addicted to the point he couldn’t get it up with out viagra . Could only finish if he wanked and he was watching porn on his phone when we were having sex . When I found this it it broke me. And I still havnt got over it . He would lie constantly about everything but continue to do it . He drank nearly every day , night . Day as even in work . If it wasn’t for his addictions and people he surrounds him self with he could have had a really good life . When hes drunk he would cry and say all these things and say that he wished he met me years ago . He woundnt be where he is now ect but obviously he still messed up when I was there .

he would not come home from work . But be getting drunk and high on drugs . He would lie saying womt be long just leaving work now and I woundnt hear off him till the next day and because I was upset he wouldn’t want to see me for days and totally ignore me. He has been on antibiotics for three weeks which ended last week and it was the happiest and most content i have ever felt wirh him . He was a complete different person . And I loved it . They ended last Wednesday and by Thursday he was drinking again . Saturday he drank in work then opened a can as soon as he picked me up to go get an Indian. I had a go at him for drink driving again but he made me feel bad again saying thats all I do is put him down so I stopped . We got food and we both had about three mouth fulls before his friend . A drug dealer and druggy phones him . This was 11 pm. He had done something and wanted my boyfriend to go get him . Up he got and said I will be half hour I promise Im not going to do anything . He turns up 7 am off his face . He lied first of all. Then said he’s been drinking and on coke all night . I started crying because why would he do this again. It is the first time I have actually seen him sorry but it’s not good enough . He did shout at me before he seemed sorry and said why does me doing this affect you . I said thats all I need to know . And I left . Before I left he was saying he was going to kill himself . Same stuff as usual. Then the first time ever he text me and said Im so sorry I honestly am . Iv been nothing but a mess since leaving . I miss and love him so much . But this ain’t the life I want . Or finally realise I deserve . Hes a good person deep down . I wish he could sort himself out one day and be happy . Am I being unreasonable to call it a day after this ? I feel awful . But so much has gone on really bad things and I have always gone back . But I know I csnt this time . By the way he is nearly 40 not in his 20s like this could sound . Thankyou

I mean…why would you be anywhere near this bin fire of a human?

Remove yourself and start to live.

I think @BlueEyedBogWitch said exactly what I wanted to.

You deserve better. Leave, and never look back.

Gawd Almighty. Look at the bloke you have. Make your decision and stick to it.

Looking at a bloke who is in your bed! and thinking “oh, I so wish he was different” means your are an idiot.

Wake up to yourself.

Yes. Please end it with him. You can't live like this.

If you had a daughter who was dating this guy, what would you say? Please , you know you deserve better

He sounds awful, leave and block his number so he can't blackmail you into taking him back. He won't change, if he could he would've by now

Run do not walk.

You did the hard bit which is leave.

DO NOT take this man back.
He cant offer you happiness.

Do not get sucked back in by threats of suicide.

Block his number and if he does contact you saying hes gpingyl to kill himself contact the police and send them round for a welfare check. That is the absolute most you should do

Just get him out of your life. Let him destroy his own if he wants to, but don't let him destroy yours.

I don’t understand what he does that’s remotely appealing? To anyone? Just block his number and move on!

You can’t change people, that’s who is and he is not who you want. (And most women would agree with you)
leave and move on.

This. He’s not a ruin you’re obliged to renovate.

You can’t live a life based on the promise of the 2% you see which is wonderful. There are plenty of women living in similar misery because they are deluded in the idea that one day he’ll magically change and you can live happily ever after.

No. The truth is he is a porn addled drug addict and loves it so much that he can’t manage an erection or get through a simple meal with his gf. Anyone that far gone is beyond redemption. He does not love you. He loves porn and drugs. That’s what he runs to. That’s his comfort.

Free yourself and let him go on his own path to self destruction without bringing you down with him.

You love the man you would like him to be. The man you think he could be if he wasn’t who he is.

Stop kidding yourself and go and find someone who actually deserves you.

He is happy. This is the life he has chosen. He could choose to tackle his addictions but he knows that would be hard going and he is happier as he is.

As for threatening to kill himself, he is killing himself just slowly and wants you to watch.

Contact Al Anon or a similar agency for people living with addicts. Do whatever you need to do but go and live your life th way you want to

If my grandmother had wheels, she would be a bike.
If this bloke didn’t drink and do drugs, he would be lovely.
But he does so he isn’t.
Ditch him.

Oh OP..he isn't going to change. It would take a monumental slap in the fave to wake him up and kindly, that's not you leaving. If he'd wanted to change for you, he would have.
This toxic cycle will break you, so please don't go back. Use the strength you still have to move forward without him or he will drag you down to his level.
You are worth more and peace is out there for you. Try and get some help to stay strong.

Remember, regardless of who you are and what you do if you stay with him you're guilty of all his faults through association. Is that what you want for yourself as that's how people will perceive you, whether it's true or not.

Thankyou all so much for your comments . I really appreciate them and also it’s nice feeling that it’s not me . Im not the one with the problem. Everything hes done he will always make me doubt myself for the way I got upset or left . He would say stuff like what I do isn’t bad , nearly everyone does it, you will never find anyone as loyal as me yes I do all this which doesn’t affect you but at least i dont go out cheating . This is who I am I told you I was a cu&nt to start with so it’s your fault because you stayed . He would them kick off and turn it around on me saying I must be fake . Fake feelings all this time because I knew what he was like when we got together and I stayed but because I’m not happy with what he does Im faking the whole relationship. I actually didn’t know what he was like at the start . A little bit but not to the extent of how bad he was . He would promise me time and time again thay he wouldn’t do these things anymore but always fail . Well I say Fail. He didn’t try to fail .then a year and a half in he says this is who he is , who he is always going to he hes always going to take drugs ect ect and if I don’t like it to fuck off .

I know I sound like a pathetic person and I am in so many ways but it’s odd how much I loved him and still do . He was so special to me. Saddest thing is I know he loved me he just doesn’t know how to love if you know what I mean . I wish he would realise what he’s lost but he never will. I would have never of hurt him. I only wanted the best for him. Im finding this so hard .

I have no idea how you managed to last 2 years with this absolutely train wreck guy

This isn’t love, it’s Stockholm Syndrome.

Contact Women’s Aid and enquire about the Freedom Programme.

You would be unreasonable to stay, not unreasonable to leave. What do you actually love about him? It sounds like he's living how he wishes and doesn't want to change so what's he actually bringing to a relationship?

i will take a look at the stockhome syndrome now Thankyou . I always knew that he was a narcissist. But he would always love me the way no one else has . Always made me feel safe and protected. (Only when he had his good days ) but I think this is what I only focus on when he does had and I leave . This is what makes me go back . Friday was haloween and although Im 38 I love it . I ordered loads of cakes and treats , we went pumpkin picking, he hated it . Obviously made no effort but I loved it wirh my dog . The plan for two weeks before was too carve the pumpkins , put hocus pocus on and have hot chocolate then order an Indian and watch more haloween films . He knew how excited I was . He phoned me up on his way home from work and said he’s getting alcohol. He had drank the night before and he was hard work so I said can we just stick too the hot chocolate tonight . He lost it started shouting on the phone saying your doing my fucking head in now and put the phone down . I knew the night was ruined at this point and had bad anxiety. 5 minutes later he text me and said as soon as he gets home hes doing his pumpkin on his own . It’s like a punishment now because I woundnt let him have alcohol. He never ever accepts a no and gets his way no matter what it is . Even bad things . I text back why do you have to ruin every happy occasion. And I did tell him to fuck off . I went to his once i was ready an hour later but he was laying in bed and didn’t do his pumpkin . And again another game playing scenario wirh him . He had trimmed the whole outside of his house up . Hes never done that ever . And pulled out another pumpkin and said this is the one I was an anout this is also my pumpkin which I was going to do with my daughter . Now shes up stairs doing it on her own because I told her you kicked off . All this again was punishment and planned out . He said he had arranged this with her all day . Showed me his call log and said see it was planned . Then I notice the time . He phoned her as soon as he put the phone down on me anout the alcohol.
also the trimming up I think was for me to feel horrible because look what he’s done . I have no right to say he ruins every happy occasion. This is what I think got to him. I was really upset . And did cry . He hates crying and it does get him mad . He pushed me away and said Im not dealing with this crying shit and walked off . He then said he was going to smash all the pumpkins up , kept calling me an ungrateful cunt . Then grabbed my face and head and wouldn’t let me go kept kissing me hard saying see I haven’t had a fucking drink but I am now . He then left went to the shop and bought a box of cans and was basically downing them when he got home . He wouldn’t talk to me unless I apologised. I did because at this point I am thinking it was all me and part of me still does . But still that wasn’t good enough . He kept saying I don’t mean it and im fake . I ended up doing my pumpkin on my own when he was in the kitchen downing cans . He then again playing games with his daughter shouted up and said do you want hot chocolate, cream and marshmallows . The ones we were going to have doing the pumpkin . He also cooked her the party food that we got to eat wirh a film and then ordered a kebab for himself . His daughter is 19

My jaw gradually dropped wide open reading this. You must be mad! Run!

When I say he ruins every happy occasion he does . Our first Christmas was completely ruined . Christmas Eve he was steaming . Kept brining up a man who I used to walk with to walk our dogs . Calling me a slag this went in for hours. This is the first time that he put his hands on me . He locked me in his house so I couldn’t leave . Christmas Day he didn’t talk to me . He went in his friends jeep with loads of cans and weed and spent the whole day up the mountain. New Year’s Eve again got steaming and played up the entire time . My birthday got steaming and turned horrible . His birthday I wanted to make special . Booked a really nice place too eat which cost more than 200 pound . Which I lost . He decided to purposely put his dog down two days before this and got pissed and woundnt talk to me until after his birthday. I could go on and on . And when I write all this down I am thinking I am so stupid

Sorry, didn’t read past the ‘can’t get it up with viagra’ bit. Raise the bar OP. He’s a waste of time.

I don’t know why the end of the last one hasn’t showed all what I wrote but I said he then ordered a kebab for himself . And his daughter is 19

Why do you keep engaging with his shit? Doing pumpkins at his house when he's spoken to you like that? When you said you knew the night was ruined, that was the time not to go round to his house and none of the rest would have happened.