Ex says I’ve ruined his annual leave

[RhetoricalFlamingo]

I’m taking older DS away soon - Monday -Friday and ex will look after our youngest who has additional needs. Last night he picked the kids up from mine and asked what I was working that weekend after the holiday. I said it was my weekend on (my shifts have been the same for years) Ex then started moaning in front of the kids how his annual leave is now ruined as he thought I would have our youngest all weekend. He shouted that he was being run into the ground and he had planned on a whole weekend with our oldest.

Now he has had the last two entire weekends just him and our oldest. He’s also had 2 holidays this year with oldest including many long weekends where I take youngest away on my own. I told him to please don’t discuss this in front of the children. Please let us discuss any issues alone. He kept saying how his week off is now ruined, I said DS is in school all week so that’s not true. Also I would have offered to have youngest overnight all weekend, ex would just look after him 10-4 Saturday and Sunday. I feel resentful as he never takes youngest anywhere on his own despite driving, I don’t drive but have always made an effort to make sure DS has the same opportunities and similar experiences to our oldest. He also only has DS for two nights per week.

AIBU? I have now offered to take unpaid leave for that weekend but ex says I’m now guilt tripping him.

He's an ex. Not your problem to solve. Don't take unpaid leave. Say that work couldn't approve it. Ignore his moaning, he'll get over it.

Thanks, it’s also a very important weekend in work with regards to training which I can’t afford to miss.

You’re being unreasonable to take leave or bend over backwards.
His time with the children BOTH is his to sort out.

His attitude to your youngest is nauseating.

He shouted that he was being run into the ground

He's being ridiculously over dramatic. It's his child for a weekend, for goodness sake. Stop feeling guilty.

Yabu to offer leave!! Message him and say work have said I have to attend the training on that weekend, I can’t take leave. You’ll be fine, he’s your son, and gets a fraction of the time with you his brother does. Do not talk about him like that in front of him again.

Don’t you dare take that leave. He is parenting his own child, not being forced to work in a gulag ,

Agreed. What a lovely way to speak in front kf a child.

Good grief, go to work woman…. There is a very good reason this manipulative twerp is an ex. He doesn’t give a shit about how his plans affect YOUR annual leave, does he?

While he’s horrible and it was awful to go on like that it is true to be fair, just life and kids and the way it happened but if you put it back the other way- only saying this because if I had the same and my week off I had no opportunity to make any decisions to go anywhere even for a night then that led into the following week, I’d feel it if you know what I mean. Yes he’s an asshole but he has lost the ability to make any choice on what to do for his time off (just thinking of it from a retail pov where I get given my weeks off and have very little choice in the first place)

The DAMAGE being caused to your youngest child should be the focus of your attention.

It seems the only child that matters here is your eldest.

It is very sad to read.

But being a parent is hard. The kids need to come first and so he has to just get on with it. Being a parent of two kids and having a weeks annual leave to yourself and being free to please yourself is an absolute luxury, its one many people never get. He’s being unreasonable dramatic and selfish imo.

Yabu for offering to take unpaid leave.

your ex is a dick. This is his problem, not yours. Tell him to suck it up. You need to be more assertive.

Do not take the leave.

Both your DC will be so damaged hearing those discussions; your oldest from confirmed acknowledgement as Dad’s golden child, your youngest from confirmed acknowledgment that he is Dad’s burden.

If he says anything similar in future don’t engage, despite how difficult it may be. If you really have to say something, let it be something like, on repeat, “we’ll discuss later”.

edited as posted in wrong thread.

FGS don’t take unpaid leave to accommodate your Ex. He’s your Ex, you owe him nothing and he sure as shit wouldn’t take unpaid leave to accommodate you.

I would quote the late, great Windsor Davies: “oh dear, how sad, never mind”.

Do not take the leave.

I can see why he is your ex.

The first thing I thought when I saw your post title was "so what". Who cares what he says. He's an ex! I can understand caring what he says in front of the kids though, that's a different matter and I would be furious about that.

And my first thought was "Diddums". Second thought was "Let him suck it up."

@Tryingatleast I think your username is interesting. The bar for men is so fucking low. My ex sees his kids about one weekend in six. I work full time. When is my break? Oh yeah right. It's actually worse than that ..he's not saying he needs some downtime, he just doesn't want to be bothered with the SEN of the youngest so he can do fun stuff with the older. Appalling.

What a wanker. He has to parent his own kids. FFS, such it up buttercup. He made them. He needs to parent them occasionally. Dometime that means you aren't doing exactly what you want all the time.

Surely no one with kids gets this? Your time off from work doesn’t come complete with time off from your dc?!

Was it supposed to be his "weekend off" when he had little one, so that you could go away? Did he think you were swapping around? Did you change his usual contact routine? If so, I can see why he might be annoyed.
However, he was appalling to say what he did infront of the children. Neither child should of heard that.

No, it’s his usual weekend to have the DC. Monday to Friday was extra nights as I’m on holiday with oldest but I’ve done the same for ex so he can take our oldest away (twice this year and he gets many weekends alone with oldest as I take youngest on little caravan breaks on my own)

He is pissed off that he had to have the youngest alone while you went on holiday with the eldest and is punishing you. For god's sake don't take unpaid leave and ignore his antics.