Ex says I’ve ruined his annual leave

[RhetoricalFlamingo]

I’m taking older DS away soon - Monday -Friday and ex will look after our youngest who has additional needs. Last night he picked the kids up from mine and asked what I was working that weekend after the holiday. I said it was my weekend on (my shifts have been the same for years) Ex then started moaning in front of the kids how his annual leave is now ruined as he thought I would have our youngest all weekend. He shouted that he was being run into the ground and he had planned on a whole weekend with our oldest.

Now he has had the last two entire weekends just him and our oldest. He’s also had 2 holidays this year with oldest including many long weekends where I take youngest away on my own. I told him to please don’t discuss this in front of the children. Please let us discuss any issues alone. He kept saying how his week off is now ruined, I said DS is in school all week so that’s not true. Also I would have offered to have youngest overnight all weekend, ex would just look after him 10-4 Saturday and Sunday. I feel resentful as he never takes youngest anywhere on his own despite driving, I don’t drive but have always made an effort to make sure DS has the same opportunities and similar experiences to our oldest. He also only has DS for two nights per week.

AIBU? I have now offered to take unpaid leave for that weekend but ex says I’m now guilt tripping him.

How many holidays and weekends away has your youngest had?

Do not take unpaid leave and pander to him. He’ll have you over a barrel every time. Like a lot of men he thinks if he rants and makes people uncomfortable you’ll give in to his demands. DON’T.

Lol what? Did you miss that OP does most of the parenting and ex has a lot of 121 with oldest?

How is that relevant?

My question is, as much as your ex should take both children together or apart just like you do, is it really fair on your youngest child to make him spend any time with this moron who finds him a burden? Does your ex actually look after your youngest properly while he's in ex's care? I mean I have no doubt that he should, and you are nothing less than VERY REASONABLE in expecting him to. However if he can be this vile about his child, is the kid actually safe and cared for with him? Sending your child to somewhere they will be badly treated IS ABUSIVE, however much they SHOULD be welcome and even cherished at that place.(Maybe your ex is just whining though, and will actually care for the kid fine once he's there.)

Because the youngest child is being treated abysmally and op is swerving all the posts that highlight this.

Oh my goodness this man's attitude to your youngest DS is just heartbreaking. And he is not even bothering to hide it.

As pp have said: don't take unpaid leave.

Your children are so lucky to have such a loving and caring mum.

How can any dad complain when it comes to time with his children? Esp in front of his children? Awful. Sorry OP. Please don't take the leave, your time is just as important as his.

Given your follow-up, he's being ridiculous in suggesting that there's legitimate confusion. You asked for a change in the regular schedule specifically so you could be away Monday-Friday with him caring for younger DS those days. That wouldn't automatically change anything else; if the M-F change meant he needed a break over the weekend, he should have brought that up with you when he agreed to M-F.

Second, keep in mind that this person is doing FAR less than his fair share of parenting and childcare, and you are doing far more (I hope you're getting what you're owed via CMS). Don't go out of your way for him or feel guilty; he needs to step up.

He's an arsehole for saying that parenting his child ruined his annual leave IN FRONT OF THE CHILD, but you probably knew that.

Why do the kids need so much planned time apart? I think both parents are sending a clear message to the children about the younger being a burden to be avoided as much as possible

So he has a problem with his youngest? What a prick

I am absolutely appalled at this ‘man’ treating spending time with his kids as a chore.

I think you’re implying nobody takes the younger one away? Bit odd if you are since the op says just a few posts above yours and he gets many weekends alone with oldest as I take youngest on little caravan breaks on my own, but I can’t see what else you might mean?

I think "fuck off you selfish cunt " covers it. Out of the children's hearing obviously.

Yabu to take unpaid leave for his benefit / the vote is unclear to me

PrizedPickledPopcorn
Surely no one with kids gets this? Your time off from work doesn’t come complete with time off from your dc?!
But that’s because they’re family holidays and you would all have made plans. I had holiday’s recently that weren’t at the same time as the family and dh took the kids at the weekend while I got stuff done I wouldn’t usually get time to do and met up with some friends. The following day we all went out together- was a way to make he week different and special

RhaenysRocks

Im just coming at it from the pov of someone who gets very little and very exact annual leave. My username doesn’t really mean anything, I work ten and e level hour shifts and have 4 kids and I try my best but our house gets a bit crazy!!

Sending you good vibes this must be really dispiriting for you .

Do not allow yourself to be manipulated, he is no longer your problem.