How much value do you place on being able to pick your kids up from school?

[youdrive85]

Weighing a couple of job options up. DC starting school in September. How much value do you place on being able to do pick ups at 3ish (and how many times a week) vs after school club etc.

Zero and I have the choice.

I picked up my kids when I was a SAHM for a year and not when I went back to work: No difference in their happiness, homework being done, quality time etc.

Kids had plenty of play dates, socialised, etc. This wasn’t dependant on picking them up from school.

People over place importance on these things and romanticise them. I am a better parent when working and my children see a successful Independant woman in business.

Do what works for you and what you want to do.

When dc were at primary I did 2 pickups per week (Tuesday and Thursday), DP did one (Fridays). They went to after school club Monday and Wednesday and before school every day except Friday, when DP took them.
It worked well, homework was mostly daily reading and any bigger stuff had a week to be completed so we might start on a Tuesday / Thursday and finish at the weekend. They made friends across a variety of age groups at after school club and complained if I picked them up too early. It was also mostly screen free with time in the playground and games and books inside too.

I took fewer hours and relied on savings to pick up mine from primary. They loved it. I loved it. I’m so glad I did it.

None.

Not important at all. We have full wrap around care because my job has no option to do otherwise.

DDs are in after school club three days a week but because I work part time I can pick them up two days a week and I really value that. DH and I share the drop offs in the mornings.

After school club is great and they get to play with their friends but I personally wouldn't want them to be there every day. It's nice to see them come out of school, hear about the day and we can do impromptu playdates or trips to the park.

I agree with this. I do pick up once a week (DH does one too) and I don't really notice any huge quality time difference, it's not an enormous amount of time.

As I said up thread, I like it to have the ability to do playdates and swimming lessons, not so much because I think the time together has such a big impact.

I am surprised by the number of people whose children are shattered at 3, mine v much are not! But - and this is an observation, not a judgement - we are are a high energy family, we all like being busy DH and I have full on careers, volunteer etc, and the kids whether it's nature or nurture I don't know take after us and don't especially want downtime after school

This is all so interesting to read, thank you! My DC goes to nursery so hopefully would be fine, but also pretty shy

I don’t do any. DS is at ASC until 5.30ish Mon, Tues, Thurs (inc a sport on Thurs), and has a sport at school on Fridays for an hour after the main school day. ExDH does pick up on Weds and ferries to swimming and cubs.

i work full time, ex is retired (early) - I would love to do pick up (and would do Fridays if DS didn’t want to do his sport)- but not an option economically.

DS is happy but would like to drop ASC next year when he goes into Y5. I’d like him to keep going until mid year 5, but realistically once he does - whenever he does- he’ll be coming home to mooch until I finish work, which doesn’t feel great either.

I've done both. Being able to pick up at 3 wins every time.

My DC benefited hugely from after school club at primary. This allowed me to build my career/seniority and WFH when they were at secondary. Being at home when they got home from school as teenagers has been absolutely invaluable. I started to WFH in 2019 so my DD benefited for 3 years of primary too, (though she knew it was make own way home or be picked up from after school).

Another angle for you to consider.

You can’t make me “feel bad” because my DD is definitely not winding down at 5pm, she’s still got the energy to go out and do other things afterwards. It’s at least another 3 hours before bedtime. We don’t start “winding down” until 7pm earliest.

DD tells me absolutely everything about her day, not just what she did but exactly what everyone else did too. I think that’s a girl thing (and she is the oldest in Y1 so behaves more like Y2).

Well, I planned on using after school club daily and this was fine for DD.

Unfortunately it hasn’t worked for DS as his SEN needs haven’t been able to be met there. It’s been a nightmare trying to juggle after school care for him and I would love it if he could attend a club.

So even what we want / hope / need doesn’t align with what is possible sometimes, unfortunately.

I doubt it 'wasn't important' for your friends. They maybe didn't have as many choices to make it work? Could be financial, or logistical, or a workplace or a career with no possibility for that kind of flexibility.

I’ve been a SAHM where I did them all and a working parent where we have a nanny and they are also in clubs. I now do none but do drop off some days.

I can’t say that the pick ups were great. The kids were exhausted and ratty. The traffic was shocking, and parking a nightmare (the school isn’t local, we had the drive) Then at home it wasn’t really quality time I had hoped for. Less crafts and cuddles, more tv time and hasty macaroni cheese dinners.

Either way your child will be loved and happy, don’t worry too much. And what is the routine now will so quickly change as your child changes and grows up.

No, as I clearly stated for some it was not an important thing. Different needs and wants.
There were some in the middle who had to compromise. I’m not of limited understanding or empathy for my friend’s situations, nor do I need them explained to me by someone who knows none of us. I gave examples of two ends of the spectrum.

I’m glad it didn’t make you feel bad. It could potentially have made someone else feel bad, which is why I added the caveat.

But I do think there’s some deliberate misunderstanding in your post. Picking my DS up at 315 doesn’t mean that he spends the evening on screens or that we get straight into pyjamas. It’s just a shorter day for him.

For me it’s really important and I’m lucky I can do it. I worked 3 late days when they were smaller and it was just too much all round.

Also to add to my previous post, I was single mum, had to work to keep a roof over our heads. No option except to use after school care.

In my family, the dc seemed to love it and thrive. They had local friends who lived in our street, peer friends from their school class, and friends from after-school club. As a working mum after-school care felt safe, reliable, and tbh the only way we could manage.

It was different in secondary school and teenage years when there was no after-school option. Fortunately by then I could work more flexible hours, and sometimes at home. It felt much more important for me to be around and visible during those difficult years.

My kids had and have after school club 3 days a week and my husband and I each pick them up once. We actually don’t need after school club as much nowadays (my daughter is in high school now) as we both work hybrid and my son can walk himself but he has loads of friends there so wants to stay. My kids are super busy though so it suits them - nowadays my son has clubs straight after after school club so isn’t home until 7 or so most nights and would happily be busier than that if we’d let him! My daughter has dance most nights, though sometimes a break in between. Super dependent on the child themselves and it all changes the older they get.

what would be nice is to have more options for things like haircuts and shoe shopping and admin like that but we just online shop as much as possible!

It was very important to me to be there at least some days.

It's good to be in the playground so you can see the teacher and start to recognise tclassmates and parents, even if you don't want tp become close friends with anyone. My kids were always full of chat about their school day when I collected them straight away. If I collected from after school club their chat was mainly about what they had for snack or who beat who at table football.
I also liked being able to walk home through the park after school in daylight in the winter. Without those days it would feel like we never saw daylight together in the darker months.

But mine all loved after school club too so I wouldn't worry at all if you need to use it.

Parent of a child in year one and we use breakfast club and ASC or sports club 3 days a week.

I love my days to drop off at his classroom door and pick up straight from school and look forward to this part of the day. It does make me feel more involved with his school and it’s nice for him to have shorter days towards the end of the week.

We do other sports / clubs on a Saturday so have no commitments and can do as we please on the day I collect him.

I did wrap around care 5 days a week for a couple years. I would never do it again. I went to pick up DD when I took a day off after her asking why I never pick her up but all her friends mums pick them up, the teacher didn't know who I was. It seems like a small insignificant thing but it really upset me.
When I went on maternity leave with DS and did all drop offs and pick-ups, it was so nice, those little chats walking home from school were great for both of us. I went back part time after the maternity leave, DD is in high school now but I have been able to pick up DS 3 days a week and that works well for all of us. Doing homework is also a lot easier on the days I do pick ups, it is a rush doing tea and baths and we're both knackered after work and after school club.

Really important. I work nights 11-7 so I can do school drop off. My eldest just started middle school and he's still finding his way around. He gets a little anxious at the thought of being late and not going in with his class so like to make sure he gets there in good time. My youngest has had a few friendship issues this yr and the other mums are always stood by the line up so I like to stand with her until class goes in.

I think a mix works well. My DC does after school club one day a week and has started a multi sports club one day too which he loves. The rest is a mix of pick ups from me, DH or grand parents. Ultimately I’d rather him be in afterschool club than just sit watching tv while we work (which does happen sometimes). I personally couldn’t work 9-3 every day as I think I’d just always feel like I was rushing to get everything done but that’s probably partly my specific job. Nice to have a choice though!