To think that most women crave companionship, even if they don’t always admit it?

[UnmaskedAmberFinch]

I’m not saying every woman is desperate for a relationship, plenty are happy being single.
But in general, I feel like most women do want meaningful companionship at some point in their lives, whether that’s romantic, deep friendships or close family bonds. Sometimes it feels like society pushes this “I’m totally fine alone” narrative and while independence is great, I wonder if deep down, many people (women especially) really do long for connection, partnership and emotional intimacy.

AIBU to think that the need for companionship is pretty universal and not something to be ashamed of?

yes I think it’s mainly on mumsnet where people try to tell you to be alone forever, I’m a single mum have been for 10 years made a thread about considering dating again and I had so many comments judging me telling me not to and to wait till my kids are 18 🤣 maybe this just applies to single parents though? Mumsnet seems to despise the thought of single parents daring to date again

Where are all the many posters who are saying ‘most women feel X’ getting their information from? Can you link some studies please?

It’s the dependence that sends shivers down my spine, so many woman trapped with no resources of their own, have always been overly independent, children, mortgage, full time job with no support from a partner, could have married many times but I could never take the final leap, there have been lonely times and doing it all alone is definitely a challenge but am so grateful that I get to live the life I choose and not rely on a partner for anything, heartbreaking to read of so many women on here who need to escape truly terrible situations but can’t make that choice because they’re beholden to a partner for money, etc, I’d take 1,000 lonely nights over that every time

Something that has really struck me through this thread is that there is a massive difference between the women who have been married / in serious relationships (whether or not these resulted in children) who are now for whatever reason living alone and those who haven’t really experienced this.

I was single from leaving university at 22 to when I met DH, aged 38. It was a hell of a long time and my thirties in particular were very lonely as my friends were occupied with small children.

However if I’d met DH at 28 and was now divorced or (god forbid) widowed I don’t think I’d be pursuing another relationship. It is frustrating though when people act as if it’s a weakness or character flaw to want to meet someone.

And that’s your choice but other people can feel different. I split with my ex at 28 so to say I should never have a relationship again until I’m nearly 50! 🤣

You were like this on your other thread, absolutely desperate for an argument. No one here has said you shouldn’t. Literally, do what you want to do.

Friends are important to me. Romantic relationships are not.

Three hours later, three pages of comments and OP has vanished without trace.

Then why quote my comment? Seems like you are the one that wants an argument

And you have a bit of a cheek to say I was “desperate for an argument” on my other thread, my thread was literally “has anyone found love again as a single parent” before I got people like you judging me and telling me to wait to my child is 18. 🙄

Agree with you! Not being able to afford to leave or staying with a husband you don’t like because you don’t want to lose the lifestyle.

I find I do often have to explain myself at being content and happy single

I have no desire to share my life or have a friend with benefits or want sowmown to take me out/care for me

happy with my cat and friends and being a mum

this has surprised me as I was always in a relationship I hated being alone then found myself pregnant and single and it’s all been absolutely fine and then became preferable

I have been told that once I am pass menopause I will want to be in a relationship again like this is just a weird phase 🙄. I really hope not and know a number of older happy single women I think this is unlikely

I think it’s important to remember mumsnet isn’t a reflection of the real world.

As for studies about humans needing relationships, just google it, there’s lots of research! If we didn’t we’d be extinct by now wouldn’t we?!

Definitely - and it’s important to both men and women

FWIW, I didn’t feel you were. I felt others were trying to prove something, when you’d asked for positive stories of finding love.

You were desperate for an argument. Still are.

I agree OP.

We are social creatures and we are hardwired for connection. I don’t like this disconnected and fragmented society that we live in ( particularly in the West). We do need community for optimal wellbeing.

This hyper-independence is likely a trauma response.

Thank you

How would you not be lonely if your husband was not around?
Do you have hobbies and friends?

Most people do.

It's a key part of being human

It is possible to have community without being in a romantic relationship. It is possible to have companionship without living with someone.

Yes it is…

Well, my late husband made the last five years of our marriage absolute hell. I did not miss the man he became, and I was enough of a realist to know that the man I married wasn't coming back.

When he was made to leave the FMH by the police, what I felt was relief. When, 8 months later, the police called me to let me know he had died, what I felt was relief. Meanwhile I built a calm, happy household with my two teenage DC, ended up fostering a third, sent them off into the world, acquired cats, carried on working, maintained my hobbies and friendships. There will never be another man in my life. It wouldn't be an improvement.

Sometimes it feels like society pushes this “I’m totally fine alone” narrative and while independence is great, I wonder if deep down, many people (women especially) really do long for connection, partnership and emotional intimacy.

I don’t know where you’re seeing this narrative? I feel like it’s the opposite: society endlessly shoves coupledom down our collective throats.

I agree that connection is hugely important but I think if anything women are pushed into believing that can only come from marriage or cohabitation. In fact I think often single people build more durable relationships than couples because they have to work harder at it and not take other people for granted.

I am in a relationship and happy but honestly sometimes I yearn to be single.

Does having a partner equal being reliant? Can it not be a genuine partnership between equals?