Joys of small family Christmas

[Radiatelikethis]

I just wanted to put a post where those that have small families or have small Christmas's can post about the positives and happiness of them.

I'm aware that there will be loads of Christmas posts coming up and even yesterday on a thread about only children, someone posted "yikes small family Christmas"

What is wrong with a small family Christmas? There's a general theme on MN that if you don't have some huge, family Christmas with about 20 relatives minimum that your Christmas is something to be pitied, that you've failed in some way and your Christmas will be less special.

I've only ever spent Christmas growing up with my immediate family. Now that I don't speak to my siblings, Christmas is normally spent with my parents, or my husbands parents or DC. I've never cooked for more than 7 people and you known what it's fine. In fact it's more than fine. I've always had wonderful Christmases, had great memories and never ever felt I've missed out because I haven't had hordes of people to feed.

I always think Christmas is such a busy period that it's nice for the actual day to be quieter with immediate family. Having heaps of people over would in fact be my idea of hell. If you prefer a bigger Christmas that's perfect OK, but we need to move away from this thinking that those don't have as many people round our table are somehow missing out or having a less magical Christmas.

There's only four of us at Christmas, now grandparents have passed away. It's been like this for a while. We just made our own little traditions. It's very relaxed! No pressure. Play games, watch TV, eat chocolate! We love it.

Just to add, I've had my share of running around trying to please everyone, I hated it. I remember the first Christmas just the four of us, it was heaven!

I like that it gives you the opportunity to keep things quite simple. We were all quite ill last December and scaled a lot of things down and enjoyed Christmas all the more for it.

Our DC do mention that their favourite christmas was the Covid one where we were just the 4 of us. Back to christmas with grandparents since, and it does change the day. Can't be so relaxed.
However, we do try and go a bigger family get together one weekend day before Xmas and that's nice, and a bit more go with flow as we don't do a huge meal etc...

I absolutely hate big family get togethers.

The smaller the better in my book. Felt exactly the same as a child.

We chose the so called small family Christmas a while ago. My husband has a large family but we aren't close to them and my MIL never really cared about or had any interest in our son, so one day I just asked myself why I bothered with them at all and there was no good answer, so I stopped bothering. Never felt better and don't regret it. I don't think there is the right and the wrong way to celebrate Christmas. It's meant to be something you enjoy, so just do whatever you find enjoyable.

I love them! We do a mixture of both really as we do have quite a big extended family and this year will be a larger one, but I got my first taste of a small Christmas with just our family in 2020 and I loved it so, so much. Last year we again just stayed in the 4 of us and saw the wider family Boxing Day instead. It’s just so much more relaxed, so calm. Kids can play with their toys and there’s no rush to stop them and get ready. We even had steak and chips instead of a roast 🤣 I’m a convert!

DH and I always spend Christmas just the two of us, plus the dog, and it’s honestly my favourite time of year. No rushing around, no travelling, no trying to please everyone, no conforming to other people’s idea of a “good time”.

We have a lie-in, take the dog for a good run on the beach and then spend the rest of the day doing whatever the hell we want. It’s absolutely perfect.

I read all the threads about big family celebrations where everyone seems to argue and be permanently stressed for weeks beforehand and wonder why people insist on putting themselves through it every single year.

We’re just us three this Christmas (me, DH and our child) and it’s been like this for years (we have my mum every alternate year). I’ve one sibling abroad and another quite local who I’m pretty much NC with.

We love it - my son is already talking about our Christmas Day menu and what he wants for breakfast. He’s a teenager but there will still be a stocking and presents and all the magic.

I feel really lucky that we can have the kind of Christmas we all want and we don’t feel under any obligations to anyone. My mum will visit on Boxing Day and we host a big party on 28th December with about 30 people (which scratches my “hosting” itch). But the day itself is just us and we wouldn’t have it any other way - that said, if we knew anyone stuck we’d be happy to welcome them.

After a lifetime of running around trying to please parents and extended family at Christmas we came to dread the season. We would have to drive to several houses across town and spend Christmas day in other people's houses doing things the wanted. Then, when everyone else seemed to be hunkering down for a cosy night, we had to drive home in the cold and dark.

Now, it's just DH and I and Christmas is heaven. By mutual agreement we don't do presents with our friends and remaining adult family so December isn't dashing around trying to think of rubbish to buy. On Christmas morning we get u[ to a feast of a breakfast, take a picnic up onto the moors - turkey and stuffing sarnies, Christmas cake, satsumas, a flask with amaretto coffee. We have a lovely long walk with absolutely nobody about - just us the birds, deer and total peace.

Then home for a hot bath, light the fire, bung a lasagne in the oven, candles, twinkly fairy lights, a bottle of wine, sloe gin and chocolates snugged up on the sofa in front of a cracking film.

We do a mixture but the dc love it when it's just the 4 of us. We can do whatever we want and watch what we like. It's just really chilled and nice to do things at your own pace.

We tend to be pretty sociable in the run-up to Christmas and spend New Year's with friends so it feels nice to have a break from socializing.

A few years ago a bigger family Christmas was off the cards very last minute (we just found out we’d just been in contact with Covid, and there were going to be vulnerable guests).

So on the evening of Christmas Eve, having just arrived at DD’s, with a car full of food and presents, we had to unload it all (keeping some of the food for us) and bugger off back home for a Christmas with just me and dh.

Must say I was surprised to realise how much I really didn’t mind! A nice peaceful day.

With vulnerable guests gone, we went back to DD’s for Boxing Day.

For me the not having to travel is a big part of it.

I’ve done both throughout my childhood teen years and adulthood. I only have one sibling so have done a 4 person Christmas.

i bloody love a huge Christmas, sometimes ours have been 16-20 people. I have step siblings and lots of cousins too.
the bigger the better !!!

For the first 10ish years after I met OH we'd always spend it with his sister & her family, plus gps when they were alive. Then 10 years ago OH & dsis fell out & didn't speak so it was just the 4 of us. Bit weird at first but I grew to absolutely love it particularly when the dds were older. Getting up when I want, staying in pj's until whenever, relaxing, not having to rush around or tidy up for anyone & lots of alcohol! Now they're all back in our lives & OH has volunteered for them to come to ours (OH & DDs would definitely do a lot of the work). But I kind of would rather it was just us still. It is literally the 1 day I can do nothing, apart from help with the lunch & tidy up after. Even if they host, one of us would have to drive. And id gave to get dressed 🤣

Where is evidence of this "general theme" ?

I don't see it.

I've never seen any evidence on here of people pitying others who only have "small" Christmasses, In fact people don't seem to talk too much about how "big" their Christmasses are at all. They moan about various stuff. MIL interfering. DP doing nothing. But nobody is listing costs, number of relatives, weight of turkey in kgs etc and claiming their Christmas is superior.

You get to focus your attention on your immediate family rather than spreading yourself thinly between loads of people.
Your immediate family are there with you rather than the DC off with the other DC and your partner chatting with your BiL.
The day can accommodate the preferences of those who matter most to you rather than being dominated by the biggest personalities or the greater good.

My DH and I love seeing the DGS but we also love having a Christmas just the 2 of us so we tend to go to each DS (different years) and then have a Christmas with just us.

I love a small, calm christmas.

I've done big, medium and small and enjoyed them all.

Nowadays it's just DH, DD and me on Xmas Day. We love it - it's all about the quality of the people, not quantity. Same as food!

I love a busy Christmas season but absolutely love a quiet Christmas Day with my teens.

I LOVE a small family Christmas. When DD was born we made a decision that rather than travel and deal with conflict over where to go, Christmas day would always just be the three of us, and we'd visit people around it.

I love how chilled out it is. We make the rules, we pick the food, we decide if/when we get dressed and what we do. We've spent a couple of Christmases away on holiday and it's been perfect.

Only child perks: when DD is an adult we'll follow her lead. If she wants us there at Christmas, we'll go to her. If she wants to do Christmas just as her little family unit, we'll go on holiday ☀️

This will be the 3rd year in a row that DH and I have been abroad on holiday at Christmas time- suits us fine!

My parents like Christmas alone and they go out with my sister, BIL and adult niece on 26th.

I much prefer a small Christmas, just me, DH and the kids. We went away last year and it was the best Christmas we have ever had. No stressing about family visiting, hosting people, juggling divorced parents and logistics of who comes when.

We can't go away this year but we've reserved 2 days that is just for us, we are not having any visitors, we will be eating pizza and party food for Christmas dinner and playing games, watching a Christmas film and just relaxing. I can't wait!

We have Christmas just the 4 of us most years and don't even see wider family on Boxing day or Christmas eve as they don't live close to us.

I used to be sad about it but I've since reframed it. It's actually really nice to be able to eat what we want (not Turkey!) when we want, watch what we want on TV, go out for a walk if we feel like it when we feel like it and play cards or games we like without feeling obliged to do what others want.

It's all about framing it positively even for smaller families than ours. I feel sad for people who don't see anyone at Christmas though, unless that's their choice or unless they have managed to find a way to enjoy the day too with special treats etc.