How would you react to this “joke” made by DH?

[Beanz2022]

Not really an AIBU but Just wondering really others opinions, husband will say regularly this as a “joke”

“get in the kitchen and cook me breakfast bitch”

for no reason other than he’s trying to be funny. Context, he’s 46 I am 34.

I express to him I don’t like it, but he still says it and tells me he’s just being silly.

I just couldn’t shag any man who thought this was humour

I seriously doubt this is his only flaw. Sexy, intelligent, sane and actually funny men don’t say stuff like this, ever.

I think the context and how your relationship is in general would really depend on how to take the joke. If my DH said it I probably would laugh and find it funny, that’s because it’s such an unbelievable outrageous thing that he would never say to me so the joke is more about the ridiculousness of statements like that and at the expense of of men who say such things.

my friends “D”H regularly moans about dinners she makes and proclaims “that’s not a bloody dinner” when she makes things like pasta or baked potatoes, he expects meat and 2 veg every night. He is genuinely annoyed with other offerings. It’s a running joke in our house and my DH will proclaim “that’s not a bloody dinner”, he’s mocking him, not me or the dinner!

I would say, “a joke is when the other person laughs”.

Then I’d divorce the misogynist, humourless arsehole.

It’s only a joke if the person on the receiving end finds it funny, and you don’t, so he needs to stop.

This.

Tell him to get out to the patio to dig himself his grave while you fire up the recently foraged mushrooms for his fry up.

I’d go ballistic if my husband called me a bitch. Totally unacceptable way to talk to someone. I’d make it very clear that I would not tolerate being called a bitch. Totally unacceptable. My body language and tone would reinforce the seriousness of the situation.

You have told him you don't like being referred to as bitch and asked him not to do so. I think it's fairly simple, it's not funny unless you're in on the joke, which you're not.

Wouldn't work for me. I wouldn't accept any man calling me a bitch, least of all one that I was partnered with, he's a Men Behaving Badly loving throwback.

I would see it as a joke once but you've said you don't like it. Tell him 'Do your own you repetitive bore'.

I’m afraid my lightening response would ‘shut the fuck up, cunt’.

Not language I would ever use lightly.

This feels likes it’s going to be one of those “tip of the iceberg” posts… What’s he like as a partner in general OP, how’s the relationship?

Ask him what he thinks you married him for?

This seems like a good time to start calling him a Boomer at every opportunity. As a joke, of course.

Urgh what is silly about calling you a bitch. I would just ignore it when he says it and he will soon stop doing so.

It’ll only get worse, that age gap is rearing its ugly head!!! Get out whilst you can.

Here’s your breakfast! Then you reach in your pocket and pull out a middle finger.

1. I would not be in a relationship where I was referred to as a bitch, even in jest.

But...

2. A joke is not defined by whether some particular person finds it funny. How do you know if someone will find it funny until you tell it?

He has repeatedly told it and no one is laughing.

Schrödinger’s Joke. Often told by arseholes. Say something horrible and if someone tells you you’re an arsehole, it was a joke.

Even if you like edgy humour, pick your audience. Would he say it to his granny? Probably not.

Tell him, "I don't like your joke."

Tell him, "I don't find your joke funny."

Tell him, "I never want to hear your joke again. I find it horrible and misogynistic."

Tell him "Don't ever call me a bitch, even as a joke."

But don't tell him "a joke is when the other person laughs" because a) that's not true and b) that's not the point.

What matters is that you don't like it, not whether we do or not. You don't like it, so he shouldn't do it. That's basic respect.

How is his behaviour related to being 46?

I think if you’ve told him you don’t like it and don’t find it funny, and he carries on doing it, then he’s a dick, isn’t he?

As for the comment, I’d tell him to get his own.

Yep!

Youre only 34. Youre atill young! Divorce and live with someone who doesn't hate women.

The initial joke is rubbish but fine.

The test is how he reacts after you ask him to stop.