9 month old wakes every half hour

[sharkstale]

Absolutely fed up with it now. He wakes half hour after putting him to bed, and generally roughly every half hour after that. Sometimes he goes a bit longer but it's usually around the half hour mark. He's in his cot but when I go to bed I end up putting him in with me because I can't keep getting up with him so frequently. I can't cope with getting such broken sleep anymore and fed up with never being able to unwind in the evenings now as I'm constantly running up to resettle him. I have other dc.
Nap times are the same, he does half hour then wakes. Most of the time I can get him down for a bit longer by resettling him, but recently thats been proving harder. He's also been refusing afternoon naps the last few days. He's not getting nearly enough sleep, and neither am I.
Dp works nights so can't help.
I will admit he feeds to sleep and I know this could be an issue but I can't break the habit. He'll very rarely be rocked to sleep and will just moan until I give in, which went on for 2 hours the other night.
It he's put in the cot drowsy but awake, or even if he's fast asleep but stirs as he's being lowered in, he'll just flip on his front and sit up and I have to start again.

He's been like it for months now and I'm at my wits end with it.

Is he actually crying or upset when he wakes or is he just awake but happy and content? Both of mine would wake up atvtagt age but they would just babble away to themselves, occasionally have a little moan and the go back to sleep. If they weren't crying I didn't go in to them. They went through phases of this at different stages.

He will wake up and sit up, have a little moan and wait for me. If I'm not in within a couple of minutes, he stands up and cries.

I had this issue with my youngest and I'm sorry to say that nothing stopped her waking other than her just growing out of it. I do remember crying frequently over it because I was so sleep deprived, it was torture. I never even bothered to consult a sleep specialist or anything because there is no physical way to stop a baby waking and she'd be crying before she was even properly awake.

Scratch that, a couple of minutes is pushing it tbh, more like 30 seconds or so

What age did she grow out of it? I thought my dd was bad, she outgrew it around 18 months, but this is another level.

My second was like this. We got a sleep trainer in who recommended the disappearing chair method. PM me if you like and I'll see if I cab dig out the details. One thing she said was it is easier for the dad to break the habit (for both you and baby), she suggested he did the first 3 or 4 nights and then I do it. Could your husband take some time off work or switch hours for a couple of days to help?

Although your partner works nights, does he have any days off? Stop feeding to sleep on a day you can have extra support at night. I also had a baby that woke up at the end of every sleep cycle and stopping feeding to sleep fixed it the first night. We went from waking up 12 times a night to sleeping through, instantly.

My daughter woke hourly till 4. It nearly killed me. I tried lots of things. Even cosleeping didn't work. She would sleep more but fidget so much that I wouldn't sleep. She also needed to have constant contact with he so I was totally touched out.

In my experience however you teach them to get to sleep, that's what they will need to resettle themselves in the night.

Feeding to sleep is fine but you might just need to go with the cosleeping and try to doze while he feeds to resettle himself.

Otherwise, you could try giving him ways to fall asleep that don't involve your body like a dummy, comfort blanket, white noise and get him falling asleep without feeding.

He can’t settle himself back to sleep and is relying on you to do it. You need to break this cycle. Stop feeding him in the night and have him in his own cot. Yes it will be hard for a night or two, max. I night- weaned my DD at 8 months. I rocked her to sleep and put her back in cot each time she woke up. For a night it was very hard, second night she only woke up once, settled much quicker, third night, didn’t wake up at all in the night. It transformed her daytime naps too. I would recommend it for you both, he can’t be getting any quality sleep at all.

One of my three was like this. Cosleeping was required for survival and feeding all night. I tried so many things and night weaning lots of times but then she’d wake and I’d have no way to get her back to sleep. She is now 22 months and night weaned. Things have improved massively and she wakes a couple of times a night

I totally hear you with never able to relaxed, even if I was up all night I just wanted a moment in the evening without being in high alert. It was still every 45 minutes or so until 18months-ish

Mine had a bottle at night at this age. Got her settled in her cot & then plugged in the bottle (holding it for her). By the time she finished it she was fast asleep & didn’t need to be moved. Also it filled her up more easily than breast milk so lasted longer.

Mine was the same, it was awful. There was no magic solution and I refused to let him cry alone. He started growing out of it once he was more mobile - I think a lot of it was wind pain waking him up, and now he's older he is dairy intolerant. You have my sympathy - just try to hang on in there.

Yes I was going to say exactly this. We had this with both my oldest two until I night weaned. You have a couple of rough nights but it really won’t last as long as you think. Does your DP get two nights off in a row? It would really help if he could take over. If not, maybe he could do the first night and you take it from there. You might not get much sleep at all for a couple off nights but you’ll be fine from there.

Big hugs. My dd2 was like this and it nearly broke me, especially when I had to go back to work.

Have you ruled out medical issues? After being patted on the head and sent away by several male doctors, it took a very lovely female one to find out dd had a cow's milk protein allergy. Within a couple of weeks of starting prescription formula, she was a different child. So could be worth seeing a doctor if you haven't already been down that road.

DC1 was like this, I coslept and breastfed to survive mainly. Magnesium helped reduce the waking but we didn’t figure that out till about 2 and we only stopped the magnesium at about 5 😬 feeding to sleep was absolutely not the problem with her, we stopped breastfeeding all together at 3 and the waking continued except it was harder to get her back to sleep and initially going to sleep went from minutes to an hour or more. She now has prescription melatonin to replace what she got from my milk. DC 2 & 3 fed to sleep and through the night but nothing like as bad as the first. First is confirmed autistic, second is on the waitlist and third probably is but they all present differently.

Thank you, I'm not sure how to dm you as I'm not sure how to get on your profile, but I would very much appreciate that please

OP you need to click on the three little dots in the top right of her message, and then click on Personal Message.

I don't think you should stop feeding him in the night because he obviously needs it if he's drinking it all. Daytime sleep has such an effect on night sleep so if you can get him having a good nap you'll probably find he wakes less in the night. When mine went through a phase like this of only napping for 30 mins thereby giving shit nights I ended up giving him contact naps in the day because he slept better and longer when contact napping. I found when he'd had the contact naps he only woke up once in the night for a bottle which he'd usually fall asleep drinking. Sympathies, I know how hard it is when you can see they're so overtired but just won't sleep 💐

Just to cover a few of the main points from everyone's replies:

He is combi fed and does have a bottle before bed, so has a fuller stomach from the formula but it doesn't stop the first wake up. He actually pushes away the bottle just before the end of it as he's falling asleep and digs around to latch on to me, so he intentionally falls asleep on the breast.

I have spoken about it with dp and we've agreed that he's to take over bed time and all night wakings on his night off, I'm just worried things will go back to normal when he's not here and we won't see long term changes.

No medical issues that I know of, but he has had a terrible time with teething. He's had 8 come through one after the other, which I think started all this off but it's just continued.

When he's in my bed, I do side sleep and let him feed whenever he wants, but he'll detach himself and wake whenever he wants to relatch, and I'm just so uncomfortable now where this is all night every night. I'm a front sleeper so I'm never comfortable.

He won't take a dummy. I bloody wish he would, I think it would solve all my problems 😅

We never fed to sleep (because we had been told it would cause issues) and my child woke up all the time regardless. The first 2.5 years were pure torture - he was also a two times 20 mins nap a day baby. He often would not nap at all as a toddler. I was broken from lack of sleep. Did not have any more children mainly due to this.

Anyway, he is now a pre-teen and still rarely sleeps through the night without waking and needing one of us (even on melatonin). Turns out he is ND and his sleep difficulties (and ours!) are caused by that. I spent so much time and energy sleep tracking, doing all the right things, but none of it helped and could not because the difficulty was neurodevelopmental. In these cases it can get better, but often takes longer because the brain development follows a different timetable to NT kids.

Hang in there & good luck!

That option doesn't come up for me, for some reason

Sounds v much like my DC2 except he was also a screamer.

Things got a bit better at around 11 months and then again at 18 months and then again at around 3 years old and then again about 5 or 6. 9 months was the worst.

Being honest, he still wakes a few times a night now and he's almost 10. He's a very sensitive child and still isn't a massive fan of sleeping!

Definitely stop the boob to sleep then.

Move the bottle earlier in the bedtime routine, before story and teeth brush then into bed.

I'd get dad to do the first couple of bedtimes with pick up/put down - put baby in the cot awake and ssh and pat/rub his back in the cot. If he gets very upset, pick him up and cuddle him until calm then back down and pat. Repeat as many times as necessary until he falls asleep.
Don't give in once you've started! Even if he's doing an hour of picking up and putting down.

I don't think you need to night wean immediately but maybe choose feed times eg 11pm and 3am and if he wakes between those times send dad in to pat him and pick up/put down.

Sorry, it's 'PM' not 'Personal Message' once you've clicked on the dots.

If it makes you feel any better my non-sleeper was totally addicted to his dummies. Did not help to keep him asleep one jot.