Still waiting to meet DDs boyfriend if 4 months

[Mossey55]

My DD has been seeing her boyfriend for approx 4 months. They are both in their 30s. I’m delighted for her and I hope it lasts.They recently visited my son and stayed over and apparently the BF is lovely. I’ve asked my daughter a few times if we can meet him , she said they want meet each others friends first. I feel hurt and a bit insulted that he/they think that meeting friends is more important than meeting mum and dad. Tell me honestly do you think I’m being unreasonable and if so what would you do.

4 months is no time at all!

Four months isn’t very long, I think it was around 6 months, possibly longer with both of mine and their partners.

It's not about those people.being more important. If anything, it's the opposite.

Meeting parents can often signify the next level of commitment or seriousness which makes you the most important.

Friends and siblings just mean another person in the social circle. Parents can be an extra level of pressure and carries all the weight and expectation eg you hope it lasts.

Friends and siblings are only thinking about now and whether they like him. You are already thinking about the future.

I understand you up to a point. It would be nice but it’s not totally unreasonable of them to do the friends thing first.

Ultimately- whilst I’m sure she will want your approval and for you to like him, they will probably spend more time as a couple in the company of their peers rather than their parents, so it’s important to see how that dynamic works. Also I would imagine that her friends will have been openly badgering her about meeting him as they’ll be so excited and happy so will have been more persuasive / vocal where as you quite rightly as the parent have just said it would be nice to meet him.

Meeting the parents is also the big one. It almost cements the confirmation that it’s definitely serious - friends much less so.

So in the nicest possible way, I think you ABU.

I think he sees friends as actually less important. That for him, meeting parents takes it to a more serious level.

Meeting friends and siblings is often far more casual than meeting the parents. Friends and siblings often meet gfs/bfs that don’t last long enough to meet parents. It’s only been 4 months anyway, hardly a serious relationship. You are being OTT which may make her more reluctant to introduce you. Stop asking her to meet him, you sound very overbearing to be so invested at this stage.

4 months is to soon for the grand statement that is meeting the parents.

Stop asking

4 months isn’t long at all. Granted I met my (now DH) not long before covid and we live in a different country to our parents but it was over 2 years until we met each others parents!

Thanks everyone for your honest opinions I really appreciate them all and I actually do feel better about it now. I get what you mean, I never thought of it like that. Xx

I agree with this. I’d rather meet bf/gf when dc think the relationship is likely to be/ or is serious.

Four months?! That’s hardly any time at all. You’re being way too intense.

It’s probably not that friend introduction is more important, it will be that it’s more casual. Meeting the parents may be more of a big deal. 4 months is no time for a grown mid-30s relationship!

I don’t pester her I’ve asked a couple of times but I have stopped asking now. Thank you I have taken in board all the comments on here and I appreciate the advice.

@GreyCarpet has nailed it. Meeting you as parents is more significant than meeting friends. Therefore, meeting friends will happen sooner.

Meeting the parents is a huge step in commitment. (If you aren't in your early teens).
Only should be done as the last step once you have decided you want to commit properly.
Siblings and friends are used early on to sense check you are not blinded by the thrill of a new relationship and actually dating someome completely unsuitable and crazy and they can fit into your every day life.

You're hugely overreacting. Four months is nothing.

Wonderlandwasallahoax
wow, I know I wanted honest opinions but please try and be a little more sensitive I don’t think I am hugely overreacting at all , in fact I am not reacting, I was just asking for others views but I had hoped they would be respectful and sensitive.
i have taken on board all the comments so thanks anyway even if you could have been a little kinder

Why have you picked on me when multiple other people have said almost exactly the same thing? 🙄

You are being unreasonable.

I am VERY selective over who meets my parents and other immediate family (I have never introduced a partner to my mother). But friends can meet anybody. I am not too fussed.

DH and i didn’t meet one another’s parents until we were engaged. Admittedly geography was an issue, but it just isn’t something that needs to be rushed.

My eldest DS is in his early 30s and I've only recently met his girlfriend of 18 months. He wanted it to be a very casual meet up, nothing formal. I eventually met her by accident when I popped in to his place unannounced (something I don't usually do but that day I had a good reason to, before I'm flamed!). She's lovely, btw, we got on great.

shes probably getting friends and sibling to do a ‘vibe check’ first before going for the big guns (parents!) as that makes it feel more real/solid! Don’t take it to heart

Wonderlandwasallahoax
ni one else said I was HUGELY OVERREACTING that was cruel and hugely unnecessary

Cruel?

🤦‍♀️

The way you've immediately jumped to being offended about your DD's partner and now yourbsayinf someone is cruel for saying your over reacting...... can you see maybe why your daughter doesn't want to introduce her partner to you yet?

You sound very dramatic