Still waiting to meet DDs boyfriend if 4 months

[Mossey55]

My DD has been seeing her boyfriend for approx 4 months. They are both in their 30s. I’m delighted for her and I hope it lasts.They recently visited my son and stayed over and apparently the BF is lovely. I’ve asked my daughter a few times if we can meet him , she said they want meet each others friends first. I feel hurt and a bit insulted that he/they think that meeting friends is more important than meeting mum and dad. Tell me honestly do you think I’m being unreasonable and if so what would you do.

Too soon and you’re being overbearing I’m afraid.

I don't think I'd even told my parents I was seeing someone within four months, never mind arranging a meet-up!

it was neither "cruel" nor "hugely unnecessary". What post are you referring that was "cruel"
All the poster you quoted said was that you were overreacting, and .. you are.

If you are dramatic about everything that way, your poor DD will dread introducing her boyfriend to you, and will delay as long as she possibly can.

4 months if far too early to be serious and introducing anyone to parents. It would make people run a mile if their boy/girlfriends are already talking about parents so early, let them be.

But when the parent tends to be dramatic anyway, it's 10 times worst.

My parents didn't even know dh existed when we'd only been dating for 4 months. Be patient!

I didn't meet my Dds now husband for 6 months, and my other Dd was seeing her now partner long before they were "official" i think we met him at 4iish months,

Let her work it out between them I can't see it being too long till you meet.

They’re in their 30s. It’s only been 4 months. It’s not time to meet the parents yet.

You are hugely overreacting and lots of other posters agree with me 🫣

Thank you!

Ha - thank you! 🥰

Drearydearydear
My goodness you don’t even know me or my daughter and you think you can say I’m dramatic and also comment on my daughter’s actions. Wow just wow. I was asking for opinions on whether the situation is the norm, I wasn’t asking for personal comments about me. That’s my lesson learned I certainly won’t be using this forum again.

ooh, a live flounce

Based on your responses on this thread, you habitually overreact to perfectly normal behaviour by other people.

I think that's a bit unfair. OP felt upset, then she changed her view in light of other perspectives. Then she not unreasonably got a bit fed up of people still going on about it after she'd said she understands

OP how did they meet? For my generation (30s) meeting online is quite normal but this means that you don’t have shared connections to get to know each other. Meeting friends is the way you see what they are like with other people, do they have a secret personality they have been hiding etc. Meeting parents is a much more symbolic thing so I don’t know anyone who does this without being super serious about the bf/gf.

Does she live with you, @Mossey55 ? DS met his girlfriend just over a year ago. We met briefly when we were at the same event, but haven’t spent any time together apart from that! She’s coming for Christmas though.

I mean, you've just proved my point? 🤦‍♀️😅

Cruel?
🤦‍♀️
The way you've immediately jumped to being offended about your DD's partner and now yourbsayinf someone is cruel for saying your over reacting...... can you see maybe why your daughter doesn't want to introduce her partner to you yet?
You sound very dramatic

I didn't comment on your daughters actions 😅

Meeting the parents is a huge step and signals the next stage. They might not be ready for that yet. It's not personal.

Ask for a pic instead.

Also don't be jealous of your DC who has met the bf. Again, it's not personal.

You are just being ridiculous and not thinking things through properly. How can you possibly compare meeting your partner's friends with meeting her parents?
They are completely different situations.
I waited one year until I was ready to meet my in-laws.
Give your head a wobble, lovely.

I do not understand the whole 'meeting the parents' big step thing. Admittedly i haven't had a lot of relationships but my two serious bf's meeting my parents happened almost by chance. My first we used to meet outside but one day it rained so i just took him to my place, I lived with my parents at them time and i knew his already cos i was friend with his sister. My current (now husband) i met at uni and he happened to have an American football game near my home town and i was homesick, so he offered to drive me home for the weekend if we could offer him bed and board. I met his within days cos i came up in conversation with his Mum, he had taken me to his house while his parents were away and he told her that Barney (his cat) made a new friend.

You'd hate me then, I've been with my partner 18 months and one of my parents still hasn't met him, we have a tricky relationship anyway and they immediately put pressure on me to arrange a meeting rather than ooh i dont know, say normal things like 'how nice! What do they do' etc, and continue to make repeated passive aggressive 'gentle reminder' comments. Going to stretch it out for as long as possible, because feeling entitled to meeting someone is honestly just weird self important behaviour, and I just dont want to play the game this time.
They only want to meet them because thats 'the done thing' because they think having not met them will make them look bad in front of their friends, its not out of any genuine interest in my partner.

How have you been when you've met her other boyfriends? I only ask because my mother was very disapproving of one I had when I was 16, so my solution was to never introduce her to another.
She met DH for the 1st time after we'd been married for 3 months

I think it's quite normal to meet each others friends before parents. Your daughter has only been dating this man for 4 months, it's still early days. She may feel better you meeting him once they've reached the 6 month mark or even longer. Meeting parents is definitely considered more of a sign of a 'serious relationship'. I wouldn't be introducing my parents to a man, I've been dating 4 months, I'd want to see where the relationship goes first. Plus the fact if your daughter suddenly starts saying to her relatively new boyfriend about meeting her parents, he could start thinking that it's going a bit too quick. Your daughter will introduce her boyfriend when she feels ready to do so, and if she thinks enough of him. My parents never met every boyfriend I had!

I would be put out in your shoes, OP.

To be honest OP I've been feeling a bit the same with my 40 year old Dd and her 6 month relationship. She did send me a photo though. She has always been secretive though and we never met her last boyfriend she had for a year over a year ago. She has let him meet some friends and has met his brother
When they get to a certain age you just hope they have found someone that makes them happy long-term.

Thank you