To track ds as a new driver?

[Coffeesoon]

Ds has just passed his driving test and im worried about him driving on his own. Mainly if he had an accident. We live very rurally and lots of back country roads.
Is it unreasonable to track his car/ phone with his permission just for safety reasons. I haven't mentioned this yet im just wondering is this a crazy thing to suggest?
If it isn't any suggestions on apps or ways to do this easily?

Yanbu. We have the life 360 app and it shows driving speed. I know it works as it's correct when I've checked my driving speed on it. I can see the speed DS drives at and when he's a passenger.

Fgs, if he's old enough to drive a car he's old enough not to be tracked. Yabvu.

I think asking him to text you that he's got wherever safely for the first few weeks would be reasonable but you probably need to be using that time to find a way to be OK with his being a driver.

I totally get the worry, my oldest is learning to drive and I'm having to stop myself from running though all of the terrible things that could happen.

But you can't track him. It isn't healthy for either of you.

If i was him I would remove the microchip, he is not an animal

It did t occur to me to tag my sons when they passed their test and got their own car.
I wouldn't do it.

If he’s happy with it, just do it. Both my teens have licences and their car keys are airtagged.

Just tell him you are worried and ask him to let you know when he gets where he’s going? If you haven’t tracked him to date then starting now is a bit weird. Just chat to him, he maybe ok with the idea? Who knows.

I think it’s a bit unreasonable yes. That being said you can ask and if he agrees great but if he doesn’t then you shouldn’t push it.

We’re not there yet but I can imagine it must be such a worry. So by all means ask the question, however he will be doing lots of new things and seeking independence over the next few years so it’s important to start preparing yourself for that. You can’t track him forever.

Coming from someone with quite anxious parents I would just say try not to let your fears impact someone else’s behaviour. It’s your job to learn/seek help to control them.

DD was happy for me to have life 360 when she passed her test.

He's passed his test and he's an adult. Check with him that he has good breakdown cover and leave him alone.

It's not crazy. If you are paying for his car/insurance then you are well within your rights to say he needs to allow Life 360. My DDs 17 and 19 never mind me having it for peace of mind.

Agreed.
You might track him but you cant stop him doing something stupid.
Good parenting is also knowing when to let go.

Life 360 is what you need.

I haven't discussed it with him because I don't want to transfer my worries onto him.
I'm not looking to track him to be nosey its just to know he got where he was going safe but maybe it is a bit extreme, probably just another stage you go through as kids get older.

I don't track ds's but I will talk to ds2 about AirTag car keys. He might like the idea.

As a mother of two sons I do understand your worry but personally I wouldn’t. He just needs to make sure his phone is always charged and has good breakdown cover. I just don’t get this obsession with tracking children etc.

Life 360 is what you need
No she doesn't.
She needs to trust him. Its weird tracking an either 17 year old or adult, even if it is your son.
I get the worry. As a mum of 2 lads who passed their test at 17 I initially worried but it passes.
Theres no valid reason to unless you suspect your your son is going to be a dickhead in the car.

Op do you you have a dh or partner that drives? Do you track him because you live rurally.

I haven't discussed it with him because I don't want to transfer my worries onto him.
I'm not looking to track him to be nosey its just to know he got where he was going safe but maybe it is a bit extreme, probably just another stage you go through as kids get older.
I get it but try to contain your worries, it does get easier.

I think this shows why parents consider tracking for safety reasons

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-64918697

My car is new so there is an app and I can see how fast Ds was driving and where he is as we share location on Google maps. He is now 22 and still shares his location. I have no need to look at where he is, honestly. Dh does as he picks him up from nights out and Ds can see where Dh is too.

Statistics are high for newly passed drivers having accidents which is why the insurance is so high. It is also winter, they will be driving in the dark a lot if they are out in the evening.

We do, for the first 3 months. We don't look at it very often, we're not sitting watching him drive along, but he knows we can. He can turn it off when he's not driving. We don't track him when he's on a night out or anything. In fact he's nearly 2 months passed now and I haven't looked at it for ages now I come to think about it.

He also isn't allowed to drive with his friends as passengers for the first 3 months because that's such a huge risk for new drivers.

His older brother had the same rules when he first passed his test.

He may be 18 but he's still young and inexperienced.

I have find my iPhone for my kids because their phones are on kids accounts (eldest is 13). Once he is 17, I will keep find my iPhone on if he wants me to. I’m not keen on the idea of tracking and definitely wouldn’t put life 360 on an adults phone (or very near adult). You could suggest the air tag for the keys or activate find my iPhone but if he says no, he says no. I do appreciate how worrying it must be though. I’m very nervous for when my son begins driving! But when we were driving, there were no apps. I’m not sure I would have wanted my parents tracking me at 17- it’s too intrusive.

We got life360 when my daughter passed her test, and I'm so glad we did. Although a sensible driver, she braked on ice and skidded into a tree, car flipped and ended up in a field. She had to be cut out. Life 360 alerted me straight away she'd been in an accident, and I was able to see where she was and drive straight there. She was not in any fit state to have been able to get help for herself. We live rurally, and this was a quiet country road. Fortunately someone had seen her and stopped before I got there, but could so easily have been missed, given it was a quiet road, and she was in a field and was still fairly dark as early morning. Without life 360 alerting me, she could have potentially been without help for hours.
It was also helpful in proving to the police she wasn't speeding, as their assumption at the scene was, young driver must have been going to fast.
Ironically, I only insisted on getting life360 because a few years before, a friends child had crashed into a ditch, and they wouldn't have found her for hours without it as you couldn't see the car from the road.
For me, it was a condition of paying for her insurance etc.
My DD is nearly 20 now, and she chooses to still keep it on, as she finds it reassuring. We don't spy on each other, but it alerts people if you have an accident

How did we cope before we could track our kids 24/7? They need to be able to find their way literally and figuratively, if you don’t think he’s responsible enough to drive safely, don’t let him use your car but if he’s responsible enough to drive he’s responsible enough not to need tracked.

Your anxiety is your issue to deal with.

It would only be even remotely acceptable if you asked him and he agreed.
But even then, think what doing that teaches him about his own levels of resilience and problem solving, and about how much it's appropriate to put the effort of soothing your emotional issues on to someone else. None of those are (IMO) good lessons.

He's an adult. He's proved his competence to the legally accepted standard by passing his test.

Let him develop adult competences & show him you have confidence in him. If you want to have a conversation about safe driving and him being responsible, sure. If you want to be really nice, suggest he does Pass Plus or the institute of advanced motoring's advanced test (it will significantly reduce his insurance premiums at that age). You could even offer to pay for the advanced driving training.
But leave it at that.

How did we cope before we could track our kids 24/7?

Well one of my school friends crashed his car and wasn't found for many hours. It was the depths of winter and he died of hypothermia before he was found.

So I guess his family didn't cope very well at all. I'll take advantage of all the modern inventions I can.

You don’t need a tracking app to take advantage of technology though. iPhone 14 and later have a built in crash alert system that will message your emergency contacts. As do some newer cars. I think there can be a happy medium that doesn’t involve constant tracking. But I’m likely biased as my parents would have been looking at it constantly and asking why I’d been at x address or what were you buying from x shop.