To track ds as a new driver?

[Coffeesoon]

Ds has just passed his driving test and im worried about him driving on his own. Mainly if he had an accident. We live very rurally and lots of back country roads.
Is it unreasonable to track his car/ phone with his permission just for safety reasons. I haven't mentioned this yet im just wondering is this a crazy thing to suggest?
If it isn't any suggestions on apps or ways to do this easily?

It is strange that we give our 17 year olds a potentially lethal weapon ie a car and put them on the roads where adults are driving cars yet on other threads people are saying a 17 girl is a child and has to be protected from paedophiles.

I think both are wrong.

And no my DC's didn't drive until they were over 21 and independent in other ways and organised their own training, tests and cars but did come to us for advice. Although we do live in an area with okay public transport

There are always going to be accidents and some of them will end tragically, I’m very sorry for your friend and their family.

However, our young people need space to grow into adulthood, to manage risk and develop competence. How do young adults, old enough to drive, develop the independence they need if they never need to deal with their own decision making because mum and dad will step in? Or learn to be responsible for keeping the law, as adults accountable for their own behaviour if mum and dad keep track of their driving.

Most people don’t die of hypothermia in their car, how far do we minimise risk at the expense of having young adults who expect another adult to risk manage for them?

@AlanRickman is that an app on the phone? How did it alert you to an accident? This is what im worried about, if he ends up in a ditch he could be there for hours

We use Life360 because we're all familiar with it. I guess there will be an android equivalent to what you're talking about but we haven't ever looked into that.

I'm not sitting watching his every movement. I've got better things to do with my time.

When he was a brand new driver I did occasionally look to see what speed he was doing. And he was pretty much always driving at a sensible speed so now I don't bother with that any more. But when he's driving my car on my insurance I want to know if he's driving at 85 mph. Yes he's sensible and he has to learn for himself, but not at my expense. And while he's a good lad and he's passed his test there's always the temptation to do something stupid when you're 18.

And I occasionally look to see if the car is parked up wherever he said he was going when he's forgotten to text to say he's arrived.

All with his permission of course, for the first 3 months.

I think there should be stronger regulation around brand new drivers anyway.

And I know they check in on my location too. I'm sure there's regularly frantic tidying up when they see my wee dot getting off the bus.

How did we cope before we could track our kids 24/7?

There was no tracking when my DSs passed their tests ten years ago but I absolutely would have done it. The statistics on teenage boy new drivers are terrifying. We live in a rural area so all the kids get a license as soon as possible. There's a fatal accident on the news every year involving young drivers and I heard some hair raising stories from DC and other parents.

I did not allow DC to give or take lifts from friends until they had been driving a year and I still did late night lifts for quite a while

If he hasn't already got one, get him a smart watch and set up crash detection, also set up crash detection on his phone, and make sure he has input his emergency details into his phone so they can be accessed from his home screen.

Then don't stalk him, because that is what it is, he is either an adult or very nearly and needs to be allowed to live independently.

Yeah it's an app on the phone. When she had her accident the app sent me a notification to say that they'd detected a sudden stop on her phone, and that I should check on her. It also sent me a text message.
You can also add alerts on certain locations. At the time she was going to sixth form, so I had an alert on her school and our house, so the app also sent me notifications when she had safely arrived at 'school' or 'home'. I didn't use it as a spying tool as there's no need, you get notified when necessary. Although I admit in the first few weeks I did watch occasionally to check her speed, which was always sensible. To be honest, I think her knowing that I could check her speed meant she drove more sensibly anyway.
I get what people are saying regarding letting them be adults, and shouldn't be tracked, but having lived through a real experience of seeing my child in the wreckage and being there with her as she was cut out and treated, and being able to be with her at the hospital. I wouldn't have known for hours, as it was a long time before she'd have been able to give anyone our details. I can't recommend life360 enough.

I track DD, she doesn't even drive yet.

Thank you, he has agreed to this, I've said just for the first 6 months of driving. I really like the accident alert

How do you know what they did when they were out? How did you not allow it?
If you paid for the car the fuel and the insurance then fair enough. What about boyfriends and girlfriends?

I did pay for the car, fuel and insurance. I know because they were honest and sensible kids and we discussed it. At various points they would ask me if they could "give X a lift, just this once" or whether it was ok to get a lift home from college with y.
I travelled with them regularly and could see their driving and competence improve with experience. I paid for extra lessons on a motorway after the test.
I know on MN no-one trusts their DC and obviously many teenagers can't be trusted but I trusted mine.

We had a chat and decided that a tracking app might be overkill, so we've agreed to share Google map locations. If hes home much later than expected I can at least see roughly where he is and that hes moving.
The whole point of him getting a licence was to be more independent so im really conscious of not taking that away

We had a chat and decided that a tracking app might be overkill, so we've agreed to share Google map locations. If hes home much later than expected I can at least see roughly where he is and that hes moving.
The whole point of him getting a licence was to be more independent so im really conscious of not taking that away

Please don't. I grew up with an anxious family, and the Spanish Inquisition when I got home was bad enough, let alone being tracked at all times...

As a PP said, please don't project your fears and anxiety onto your son. He is old enough to drive a car, and presumably has a phone, so if he gets into an issue, he can call for help, or to tell you that he will be late home. Getting a car is like the first step of independence into adulthood.

I would talk to him about tracking the car (not his phone). You can also then track the car if its stolen for example, or he's forgotten where he's parked it.

Definitely not overkill.

I suppose im not giving him the chance to grow if im constantly monitoring him and he will have a phone which is more than I had when I started driving!

You're not there though while he's driving. He's still having to make all the decisions and react to whatever is happening around him at the time. So he's still growing and improving his skills, you're not getting in the way of that.

I don't think it's that big a deal, it's not like you're driving along behind him shouting instructions out the window. That wouldn't be okay.

im with you, or was as I got told off for saying exactly that the other day, also as a mother of two sons age 21 & 18 and the conversation came up, I can’t comprehend tracking my kids.

But it was pointed out to me if I had daughters I’d feel very differently. so I’m now a live and let live approach to tracking we all have very different approaches and I totally understand where my friend was coming from.

I made my DD2 add me on find my friends the day after she had a crash on a country lane at 1am. She luckily was ok to call me but we did struggle to find her. DD1 was made to add me after getting very drunk at a party at 17 and then calling me to come and get her, but not having any idea where she was. The deal is that I had to add them too so they could also track me 😂

There's no obsession with tracking kids and I don't spy on them. It's a handy tool for peace of mind to check they are where they should be without interrupting their lives to text/ring. Also handy in the event of an emergency and in the event of a lost or stolen phone, which is what I have used it for (got my stolen phone back because DH could track it on Life360).

We all have it in our family (including 3 adults and a 17 year old) because we trust each other not because we don't. My kids are fine with it.