Not acknowledging my haircut

[MimsyBorogrove69]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not. I have just had my haircut. Once more my husband has completely refused to acknowledge it. It's not that he's chronically unobservant; he knows I've just had it done. He was right by front door when I came back and it should have been the most natural thing to say something. It may sound petty and like I'm 'high maintenance' - I'm not, if anything I'm too easy going. If it was a one off, it wouldn't bother me, but this had been going on for years. I feel it's almost like a little power play.

If you are feeling like there is power play and this has been going on for years I really do question why you are still with him? This has nothing to do with your hair.

In over 50 years DH has never commented on my hair and rarely comments on my clothes. Would I like him to? Yes. Is he ever going to do it? No. But if he ever says I look good, then I know I’ve really hit the big time.

Why does he have to say something?

Because it’s normal for your partner to notice when things are different about you. And to comment on it - hopefully positively!

Did you say to him... Well do you like my new haircut?
What did he say then?

Christ you sound like my mother was-so needy. And I’d you have an honest answer eg. “I’m not keen” or “preferred it before” - she got so upset that you felt like it was your fault. Either he genuinely hasn’t noticed or he doesn’t like it-either way it’s your hair and if you like it, that’s all that matters. You can’t change people-only how you react to them.

Do you love it @MimsyBorogrove69

@HedwigEliza, cos he may not like it/is unobservant, sort of way?

Have you changed it much?

DP would say something if he saw me as I came in from the hairdresser, but only if he remembered that's where I'd been.

If you think he's using not commenting on your hair as a power play theres something very odd going on.

Also what if he doesn't like it? Is he supposed to lie?

They might notice, but why do they have to pass comment? Is it essential? Can a person not feel good about the changes they make unless a partner acknowledges them?

A partner should say something, yes.

Anyone else I wouldn’t think they would automatically notice.

I agree. Although a seemingly small thing, it's indicative of our marriage and fits into the bigger picture. I was just so cross today, hence firing off a post on Mumsnet.

I have seen men behave like this before. I don't think they are men deserving of your time.

Thank you for the responses. I know my post may have come across as 'needy', but I honestly don't think I am. I don't need his approval, nor do I seek it, although I can see how my post suggests otherwise.

I came back from the hair dressers and he was right by the front door; it took more of an effort not to say something than it did to acknowledge it. It just really pissed me off today, but quite happy to be told I am being unreasonable.

Does it look massively different to how it did before? I wouldn't overestimate your husband's ability to notice if you've had a haircut.

My friend dyed her silver hair pink and her (absolutely lovely, kind, affectionate) husband genuinely didn't notice for about four hours.

When I was a teenager, my best friend had her long, poker-straight hair permed (what can I say, it was the 90s) into tight spiral curls. I met her after the appointment and we went back to her house. Her dad got home from work, cheerily greeted us and said nothing whatsoever about his daughter's transformation. Eventually my friend said 'Er, Dad, have you not noticed anything different about my hair?' and he looked at her, utterly confused, and said 'Um... is it... a different colour?'

I find it easier to just say "what do you think? Rather than wait and be disappointed.

Does it feel like there's resentment..like the words would stick in his throat?

Do you want to spend the rest of your life in a marriage like this? Life is short.

I wouldn't say resentment. I think if I asked, he would probably say my hair looks nice. He just isn't one for handing out compliments in any area of life, not just how I'm looking.

Do you mention/compliment your DH’s haircuts when he’s had it cut?

Depends on your relationship and how much honesty is allowed.

If he thinks it's not nice or he doesn't like it, is there room to say that?

My dh wouldn’t notice unless it was a drastic difference to the cut I’ve been having for years, it’s fairly long so it’s just a case of having a few inches chopped off periodically. It does always look nice and shiny and swishy when I come home but I do that for myself sometimes too so it’s just not always immediately obvious.
Are you sure it looks different enough to be noticeable OP?

Yes, I do

If he isn't one for compliments and never has been he's not likely to start now!
My dh has never commented or complimented me on clothes, hair, it just would not occur to him. I don't sweat about it, he is a good person and regularly will say thank you e.g. for cooking a nice meal. It's just him.

I have not had it cut for nearly 2 months. It definitely looks different and, although I say it myself, it looks amazing.😎

I must admit my late DH would only notice if I'd had a green mohican and then he'd probably just say "that looks nice dear". But obviously you feel this is part of a much bigger issue.