First Christmas separated from H, what is fair?

[Sothisisitis]

Two children.
Ex Husband is off on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. One child’s birthday is on Boxing Day.

What would be a fair arrangement?

Ex has stayed in the family home which the kids are attached to. We co-parent.

Thanks ☺️

When are you available @Sothisisitis

How old are the children?
my first Xmas split I had the children Christmas Day and exh had them Boxing Day. But he really doesn’t like Christmas so I now have them on both days and they go to their dad the day after Boxing Day.

Middle of the day Christmas Day to middle of the day Boxing Day? So one of you gets Christmas Morning and Birthday afternoon / evening and the other gets Christmas afternoon / evening and Boxing Day morning?

That’s a good idea.

How old are the kids? How far is your place from your ex? What relatives come into play? Are you amicable? When is the birthday party booked for if school age? There's a whole heap of info needed but basically it will involve least amount of travel for the kids

That seems fair and probably makes sense that Christmas dinner is at the house - so ex gets the Christmas afternoon/Boxing Day morning session - because you can then drop off before lunch and then pick up birthday midday and take your child out for lunch/afternoon birthday fun outside the house.

this, particularly given the boxing day birthday.
Assuming you live close enough to make that feasible?

What do the kids want to do?

This

Sad that it’s about what the adults “get” isn’t it. How about putting the kids first instead of expecting them to cut their days in half moving from one house to another?

I don't think that's a fair comment. It's a lot of responsibility to put on DC to come up with the answer. Depending on age they may not fully grasp implications or logistics and may also be wary about saying the 'wrong' thing and upsetting one or other parent. I think the adults should at least come up with a proposal. If its possible to offer options, that's great. But if DC are young it can be better to tell them what's happening rather than give them the responsibility to decide.

My friend in similar situation did swap 3pm Christmas Day til 3pm Boxing Day.

Would something along those lines work for you and your children?

They rotated each year.

This rarely gets asked 👏🏼

My friend does Christmas co-parenting really well.

She’ll do all day Christmas Eve and then half of Christmas Day one year, and then the next she’ll have the second half of Christmas Day and all of Boxing Day.

It works really well for them both and means they both get the Christmas morning, which is often the funnest part.

I would do similar in your shoes.
You have them Xmas Eve and the first half of Xmas day and then dad has them the second half of Xmas day and Boxing Day.
Then swap next year.

If you think they’d want to spend all day on Xmas day with dad then I’d allow them to do that this year and then you have them on Xmas Eve.

I’m off both days

We’ve been in a routine for many years where we alternate Christmas Day. The kids stay put on Christmas Day instead of travelling, they want to wake up and open presents at whoever’s house they’re at.
Last year I did our Christmas on Christmas Eve then they went to their dads around 9pm so they were there on Christmas morning.
This year it’s my turn and he’s doing Christmas Day on Boxing Day.
Minimal disruption all round.

I think this is totally dependent on how old the children are.

What? Where did I say let the kids decide? I don’t think that’s the answer and never said it was. I think the parents should decide what is better for the kids, actually putting themselves in their shoes rather than basing it on what’s “fair” for the adults and so they “get” the kids both days.

Not one mention of the kids in this post. Just that both parents get the “funnest” part. Yeah, and the kids know that they have to get ready, get their things together, leave some of it behind and travel to the other parents house just so it’s “fair”.

I think if it were my children l would want them both days tbh . If you live not far can you have them for half a day each?

Ok, so the DC get to spend half of Christmas Day and half of the birthday with one parent, and half with the other. That better for you?

Not really since you (and others) had to be prompted to even try and make it sound like this is about the kids 🤣

Where are you living? is it feasible to have them where you are living right now?
If not, then that is obviously something to consider.

What is your relationship like with your ex?
Is there any possibility of going over on Boxing Day to celebrate the birthday or is that out of the question?