To be constantly thinking/worried about money? How do I stop?

[Moneyworrier12]

I know this is really silly, but after a good few years of worrying about money and watching every penny I really just cannot stop. I have no need to worry right now and I know that that’s the hard thing.
I watch every penny in my account every day. I have 1446 in my current account to last me until the 25th. This is not including any bills or food, so it’s literally just left over. But I’m constantly thinking of what do I need? What will I spend that on? How much is that per day? What can I save? It’s driving me insane. Do I need to talk to somebody or is this absolutely normal?
anyone else the same?

Did you grow up in poverty? I think they call it lack mentality. I'm like it too for that reason.

It comes from having struggled in the past and is really hard to let go of. I’d spend your spare cash on a few CBT sessions to help you with the anxiety.

It took about ten years to wear off for me, and I still have habits that are conditioned by that time in my life, though I no longer add up everything when I go round the supermarket.
To some extent, in my case I think these habits are good for me. I am very thoughtful and strategic about money without having anxiety about it.
Do you think you can try to refocus in a positive way, such as looking at the skills you will have learned from watching every penny and chanelling your savings into something positive? Having an emergency fund may also help.
If you can’t refocus alone, counselling may be able to help you do this.

Why not move £1000 of that to a savings account? Might stop you thinking about it, if it's 'gone'.

No. But I’ve gone through a divorce and things were precarious for a while.

I’m a single parent and am so conscious that if I lose my job there would be no income at all. I have saved a lot and continue to save despite having a very good rainy day fund (well over two years worth of living costs).
Do you have money for emergencies?
Over £1400 is a lot for general monthly spending so you can afford to relax and not worry but I completely get how you feel although I do not check constantly how much money I have. Is there an amount you could have saved that would bring security?

you see this is the frustrating thing I have an emergency fund. I have bought my own house. I am so much more secure than I ever was. I have ample savings put aside. None of this relaxes me.
I like to just focus on my current account because I don’t want to have to touch the emergency fund or savings. It’s like I have this mentality that if I touch them for any reason that I have failed. I wake up thinking about money I check my balance every morning. I check it before I go to sleep every time I spend money I recheck my balance and work out what my daily spend could be by dividing what’s left by the amount of days left until payday. It’s just exhausting.

I crossposted with you, I have savings and I still feel this way. Maybe I just need time. 😔 I thought I would be better by now, but I actually kind of feel like I’m getting worse.

Have you ever been scammed or had your accounts hacked leading to lots of money being stolen/lost?

No never.

It takes a long time

and it’s not like you should stop thinking at all

and also I think there is an element of guilt - I now have whilst others dont? I mean I know I have worked and I have a mathematical brain that is highly valued and I still have way less than so many around me … but I have way more than others and it makes it hard

I think this is obsessive compulsive thinking and it’s irrelevant that it’s about money. Some people fret constantly about having turned the oven off or locked their front door. Some people wash their hands obsessively. This seems like another version of that.

I would go and see a therapist if you can. CBT teaches you how to stop these thought loops and reduce anxiety.

It sounds like anxiety, that had focused on money.
The first good thing is that you don't need to worry. What works for me when I get like this is mindfulness.
What helps for these thoughts is to give him a label like "money".
Every time I think about money acknowledge the thought, and actively in your brain label it "money". When it comes back again, call it "money" again. Keep repeating. Don't get annoyed that you're still thinking of it, if you accidentally forget to do it, don't worry. Eventually, after a week or so, your brain gets bored of it and it will significantly reduce.
Its amazing.

OP. I only have £100 in my current account all month and that stays untouched in case of emergency. All my money is in savings and all my spending (mindful) is on a credit card that is paid (in full) out of a bills account. I have a SO to tfr from savings to bills every month.

It took some getting used to but I now get to see my savings rise instead of worrying about outgoings. I tend to keep my CC bill the same every month which is essentially the same thing as spending from the current account.

Sounds like you might need counselling because that's not normal, if you're as comfortable as you describe, why would you even notice or think about pay day any more? You're not going to run out of money and don't need to wait to buy things, so you stop noticing it after a while.

Are there things you want to buy, is it an urge to spend but you don't know on what, or something else?

Do you still have a mortgage and what's your pension like? Could you use some of the money for those so it's not visible but put to good use?

Could you separate your money into different accounts or pots?

One for regular bills, fed by an appropriate amount of money each month - no need to look at it, just let it run itself.

Savings for different things, fed by standing orders and otherwise left alone.

An account for food, travel and other essentials, fed by a monthly or weekly standing order (or a credit card that is paid off in full from your bills account).

Finally, a 'spending' account, which is the only one you really need to pay any attention to, fed by a monthly amount for day to day spending, treats etc, to be used on a 'when it's gone, it's gone' basis.

Would learning more about money help? The financial flow chart is a good place to start as it's a 'money to do list'. So if you could see that you're in a good place, then you might worry less?

https://ukpersonal.finance/flowchart/

Was the divorce amicable? I'm thinking maybe your ex tried to take money from you and that has made you hyper cautious?

Usually you are anxious about something else and are focusing it on this.

I think it is normal to be aware of pay day and of how much you have in your accounts even if you are comfortable- it’s not fundamentally wrong or defective - it’s ok until it causes you problems

Then it does sound like you have developed a compulsion around it and might need help to change your thinking.
Honestly, the best thing would probably be to uninstall the app on your phone and only have access via the computer or something similar and only check once a week, but it might also be time to ask for help. It’s completely understandable to get into habits of thinking conditioned by the the things you have been through. As I said, it took me ten years (and that was pre-online banking), so if you can shorten that time through counselling, definitely do so!

I’m the same. I have savings I don’t want to spend, the minute I bought something, I book an extra shift to more than pay for it.

I get paid in an account, which is the feeder. The mortgage gets paid from it, then £500 goes for the bills (DD) to another account. Then another £500 goes into Monzo, for food and miscellaneous. I have regular savers.

I struggle with spending it. I know. So I gave myself goals. I have, like you, several years worth of bills in savings.
But the rest…what if I need it?

2026’s project is the bathroom. I need new cabinets, only the big flush works, there is mould on the silicone around the tub and I need a mirror with a proper light. And the tub is a stupid shallow one, so I’m changing that. £2500 for that, I saved it all this year.
HTH.

I'm not moaning or trying to suggest you are wrong to keep an eye on your finances, but for comparison, I've got £500 to last until the 27th Nov and that has to cover food, petrol and any other expenses that come up. Being mindful of money is good, but I don't think you need to be stressing about it.

I’m a bit like this.

I had to wean myself off of it! Instead of twice daily checking (am and pm), I would do once daily, then every other day. Now I keep a list of spends and only check that my account matches my calculations when something goes out (I do this for my bills account and spending account although I know that both have enough to cover the month). I’ve got a long way to go before I stop checking but it’s progress!

So I have separated up all my money, I’ve been working on that for the past year or so and every time I do something I think okay great now this will settle me I’ll be okay but it doesn’t and I just keep doing what I’m doing and worrying. It’s exhausting 😩
I have
current account - 1446
emergency account -currently at 1600 (working towards 2k)
Car account 700 (for insurance, tax etc)
long term savings- >60k

I know it seemed crazy and anyone looking at these figures or think this woman is insane and I get that that’s why I know there’s something because rationally a part of my brain knows it’s okay but another side of my brain cannot stop thinking about it

That’s a really interesting point you make; we’re in that mid-point position too & I also feel that guilt. We’ve worked hard to get to a “comfortable” situation (not rich!) but I often struggle to enjoy it.
There’s also an element on MN that is very much against any sort of mild success; you only have to scroll through some of the threads to see “middle class” and “virtue signalling” if you say anything positive about your life.

I definitely think I need some CBT! I’m going to look into that