To admit that maybe I am attractive?

[ummar]

When I was a teenager, I struggled badly with acne, and it completely shattered my confidence. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I dated a few people, and sometimes others would comment that I was much more attractive than the guy I was with - saying things like I was “out of his league.” But I never believed them. I always saw myself as pretty average.

Then somehow, I ended up with someone I found incredibly handsome, and I couldn’t wrap my head around why he was drawn to me or thought I was attractive.

Lately though, it feels like something has shifted - like a lightbulb moment. I can finally see myself the way others seem to. And without trying to sound big-headed, I do think I’m fairly attractive. I’ve noticed that people tend to treat me more kindly because of it (which doesn’t really seem fair, honestly). If I went to a bar with friends, I would often be hit on by people who are attractive. Once, I was even approached by a legitimate modeling agency.

Many people hate the way they look when in reality what they see ( and the perception) is not what others see or think. I don’t see anything wrong with @ummar seeing past her own insecurities tbh.

Lots of people post all kinds on here. Don’t agree or find it ‘boring’… scroll on. Some people just have to get a dig in regardless of the topic or post.

Also agree with others that old doesn’t equal ugly. What a ridiculous comment.

Skin issues can really affect your confidence , so good for you that you feel better about yourself xx
I never really thought much about myself at all.
But over the years I realised that didn’t matter and actually it was because I was a very specific “ type “
My confidence increased as I got older , I was told by a few East Asian women I was very beautiful .
A gay male friend tells me I have a lovely face that sort of thing.
I am aging but I don’t feel “ old and ugly “ as some PP said .
I am just an older version of myself and don’t feel the need to anything more than use decent skincare and avoid sun on my face

Im attractive and believe me some people haven't been kind. I just thank god I haven't got their evil personality too.

I am mid fifties and my friend told me today that I always look so elegant. I feel a tired worn out wreck so maybe she sees something I don't 😂

What is your query?

Good for you. It's good to blossom.
I thought that I was a scruffy ugly duckling as a DC.
Once I started working, I thought that I was gorgeous in my 20's and 30's, nothing wrong with feeling good.
Now mid 40's. I got over it, the rose tinted glasses are hanging up. 🤣

Its whatever makes you happy OP. Some people are much happier if they consider thenselves attractive, others don't give two hoots. If you are able to attract partners you're attracted to, then bluntly, you're attractive enough to meet your needs. If you can look in the mirror without it negatively impacting your self esteem, that's healthy and positive. Beyond that, the best approach is to try not to give it too much head space because it's not a great idea to place too much importance on something as subjective and transient as whether you're good looking or not.

I think fashion changes on what is considered attractive. I am in my 40s now but in my 20s it was common to hear does my bum look big in this as a negative. I was thin with a small bum and considered myself lucky but now I’m the same but seen as no curves, no bum and shapeless. Back in the 1920s curves were unpopular and flat chested seen as desirable. I was always proud of my thigh gap which was popular for a while before the thick thighs. Society is influenced by beauty as well as it being the eye of the beholder. Look at Marilyn Monroe and how natural her body was and she was considered beautiful but then artificial imagery and plastic surgery raised the bar and a lot of natural beauty today is unappreciated.

My daughter thinks she looks like a hag, but I see men looking at her when we are out. She doesn't see it though.
One person's perception and all that....

Ime this is typically said by men who've been rejected by attractive women.

this is so true

I was impacted by fact my husabnd rarely said I was pretty

Great you feel this way now. My daughter is incredibly beautiful, and i’ve been called out for saying that on mumnset before, but it’s not just biased mother, many many people have told me how stunning she is over the years. Yet she has zero confidence. Probably autistic, never diagnosed as we always just thought she was incredibly shy, and she is a huge academic achiever (all 9’s at GCsE). I wish she could see how beautiful she really is.

I've had sly put downs, passive aggressive comments over my looks from other women. A colleague used to give me the hate stare alot. She had issues. However you're not allowed to be a woman and attractive without being an absolute witch according to some !

Some of these comments are a little bitter and jealous and it’s not ok. Understanding you’re attractive doesn’t mean you don’t have other qualities. Or that you don’t understand looks fade.

why on earth do women want to put other women down if they admit they are attractive, just why, what is gained from this?

Absolutely, it’s the number one saying by men who get rejected by women they perceive as attractive, their go to is always it’s as they know it.

You’re far too focused on looks - your own and other people’s. It sounds like you might benefit from some therapy OP.