What is your evening routine when kids have late hobbies?

[Blueybingomum]

Please help and give us some advice before I divorce my husband.

dd17 has 2 horses, started around 4 years ago and that one is now happily retired so doesn’t take up much of our time, our new one she purchased in May.

dd now works until 5.30 every night so we are going to the yard at 6-6.30. We are lucky that we are on full livery as the yard is a 20-25 min drive away. It’s a lovely yard and our youngest has lessons there too on a Saturday.

but the issue is I work away quite a bit so when it’s my DH turn to take her he absolutely hates it. He moans and is grumpy and just makes the whole situation horrible. The kids rarely get dinner because “it’s too late to eat” by the time they are finished riding. It’s exhausting having to deal with it while away with work. It’s probably once or twice a week he has to take her when it’s his turn.

so how do you manage it? What do you do for dinner etc?

It sounds like it's a problem with your husband rather than dinner? He needs to plan ahead.

We only gave 1 late hobby per week (usually) and it is after dinner so we tend to have a quick meal sorted / leftovers to heat up.

On the rare occasion that it really clashes with meal time, we get DC to have school dinners so she has had a substantial lunch.

Both DS do cadets in the next town, 25m round trip.

Finish work at 5.
Supper 530
Leave at six
Get there six thirty ish.
They go to cadets
I sleep in the car with pre packed pillow blanket and hot water bottle because I'm knackered.
They wake me up at 9 when finished
Hometime.

I ADORE this. Hot water bottle and duvet is a gamechanger for cold rugby nights!

Just tell him to do them something to eat in the car. Pasta in a flask or a wrap/sandwich. You can't just not feed children.

Can DD not learn to drive and sort herself?

Well he’a being a grump. Why did he agree to horses?

My Dd has a sport til 9pm 3 nights a week. She has a big snack in the afternoon and then she eats a cooked dinner when she gets back. We don’t stay with her so one or both of us is home cooking for the family.

I can’t imagine it ever being “too late to eat”. Everyone needs to eat in the late afternoon or evening. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Dd can’t really eat there, but for your dd, I’d pack a sandwich and soup in a flask. They can both eat there. Especially if there are kitchen facilities. I have a horse and our livery doesn’t even have a kettle. 😩

Otherwise, something like soup or pasta or jacket ready to go at home that is easy for dd to microwave when she gets back (also easy for the other child who is struggling to cook 🙄).

My DD has a horse and it is a serious drain on time.

You need dinner though.

Try batch cooking.

Do you have a timer on your over? We can set ours to come on and then walk in to a cooked dinner ike shepherds pie.

It's fine to put it in the oven as it's I insulated. I probably wouldn't in a very hot day though.

Jacket potatoes are another good option.

Filled pasta (tortellini etc). Takes 5 mins, max. Sounds like the problem is your dh but I’d like to see him argue against 5 mins.

In reality there are more options that that. We have clubs every evening except Friday and I am often away at least one night a week. We often do a one pot slower cooker meal, or fried rice or something. But filled pasta is the nuclear option for when there is barely any time at all.

Will she be able to drive soon and/or have any option to get there without one of you having to take them, stay and return?

My parents were both brilliant with me over this and our relationship was really good as a result, but as an adult I get why it might grate after a while.

Foodwise we just ate late, kept it simple and all pitched in.

Your husband sounds like a miserable old git

but as a quick solution : dinner in the slow cooker and a snack to take or dd makes a car dinner (packed lunch they eat on the way home or a flask of soup etc)

We are a horsey family too. Dinners were cooked ahead of time, or something very fast like pasta. When we were being really lazy, it was fish and chips after a mid-week evening riding lesson! But your DH needs to wind his neck in. I presume he agreed to your daughter having a horse, so he needs to not make this a bone of contention between the pair of them.

She’s 17. I’m pretty sure she can put together a basic meal, especially if it’s already prepped or she just having to defrost/reheat something.

If it’s only once or twice a week, maybe your daughter can just not go on those days. It’s full livery so presumably she’s going purely to ride and isn’t required for any care of the horse.

Is your daughter learning to drive? This can be her incentive to pass and get a car so that she doesn’t inconvenience anyone by needing to go to the stables.

it’s not just her that needs feeding, it’s the husband, dd9 & ds16.

shes learning to drive, her test is in December. X

Does husband not cook? Not even microwave stuff?

I think it's a serious issue that he's willing to let kids go hungry because he's lazy and doesn't want to be bothered with his kids.

Meal prep and stick soups, stews, in the freezer. Take out to thaw the night before.

It’s pretty appalling that an adult cannot cook something to feed his three children, even if it is just a few pizzas in the oven.

My nine year old could cook something very basic so I think all of your children and your husband are more than capable of feeding themselves.

It is a bit annoying for sure. But it’s kind of just life with kids and it’s not that late! Does she have to be there at a specific time? Can they not have a quick dinner first and then go after? 7/7.30pm ish is not “too late for dinner”. Or feed the rest of them at 5.30 and DD can eat later.

I kind of go by if it starts after 6 we (or at least the kids anyway) eat dinner first, if we’re going to be back by no later than 7 then we eat after. Sometimes it’s a frozen pizza or filled pasta kind of night rather than a more complex meal

My kids are 10 and 8. Evening activities vary from 4pm to 7pm starts and almost always at least a 20 min drive. Plus it’s rare DH or I wouldn’t have some kind of evening meeting or commitment most weeks. We don’t have a set meal time every day, we eat roughly between 5 and 7 to accommodate evening activities.

Can he at least leave the other 2 DC at home or do they all have to go?

Was he on board with the horse? It does sound like a real drain on time and energy and can understand it doesn't feel appealing to get back and start cooking late every night but obviously people need to eat!

We used to do a quick small dinner straight from the oven before the activity like fishfingers & chips, pizza, sometimes just a sandwich anything quick & easy.

After the activity we had sliced apples, pear, cookies and milk...
Not the best or healthiest, but I think doing sports on a full stomach is horrible!

I do agree that your DD's should do some of the cooking or at least help out.

My DS(15) is allowed to does dinner once a week when we are short of time. He's the first to come home, so I decided that it's time for him to learn to fend for himself & the rest of the family! He can cook a few simple dishes or he uses some of my batch cooked meals.

YABU about the teens and YANBU about the 9 year old.

16 and 17 year olds should be cooking for themselves to fit around their hobbies. They are practically adults.

A girl I know has just moved into her own house with her baby and she isn't quite 17...

Presumably not everyone is riding? Clear answer here is that the 16 yr old steps up and cooks for the family while DH does the horse taxi run.
We often aren’t back from the horses until 7-7.30pm in the week, DH cooks so we walk in to a meal.
2 evenings I’m unavailable so DH has to take the 10 yr old to do all the jobs including mucking out (yay winter!) but she doesn’t ride on those evenings so they are done earlier so eat at about the same time.

Did you (or rather, your husband) make any headway with this?

I knew this was about horses before i even opened it up!! 😂
My mum loved a stew in the winter so slow cooker was a fave,

Fingers crossed she passes her test in december!

My young DD goes to a hobby for an hour 6pm-7pm. It helps that its only a couple of minutes walk from home. Tea shortly after she's home from school (4pm), bit of time to play and then a bath. I walk her down there then we use that hour to blitz the cleaning - one of us tackles putting dry clothes away and hoovering bedrooms, and the other tackles the dishwasher / kitchen / general chaos. Then I walk down to pick her up looking sweaty and crazed. Then quick snack before bed, into bed by 7.30.

I had 2 kids at just turned 19 and my own home so fully agree..