Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Babysitter Etiquette?

47 replies

RamALamADingDong2 · 30/10/2025 17:39

DH and I have a beautiful 2-year-old DS. We do not live anywhere near family or close friends and so in those 2 years, DH and I have never had any chance to spend any quality time alone together. Not a single date night!

However, it's our anniversary next week, and so for the first time, we will be having a babysitter over to look after our little one for a few hours while we go out for dinner and a gig. We can't wait, but it's also nerve-racking.

We have found a girl online and invited her over to get to know her a bit better - great news is that she's lovely and DS loves her (and he doesn't like that many people, so it's a relief!). She's quite young, and she's coming again tonight for a trial, but I'm not sure how best to communicate everything that needs to be done and how.

She will def need to feed, change and put him to bed due to the time of us going out, but we also usually bathe him - is this acceptable to ask or would you not want a babysitter to do that? Also, there are so many little things, e.g. how his chair works, what and how he eats, his quirks, where everything is kept, how the room needs to be for bedtime and so on...... How on earth do people communicate all this without overwhelming the sitter? Do you lay everything out beforehand? Do you make video guides? Do you not do anything and just wish them the best of luck?! I'm a bit nervous, quite confused and don't know what I don't know if that makes sense!

OP posts:

RaininSummer · 30/10/2025 17:46

I think it's best if you do dinner, bathe him and get him all ready for bed . Maybe even put him in bed if timings work.

kiwiane · 30/10/2025 17:47

I wouldn’t ask her to bathe him - you could feed him and dress him ready for bed so she only needs to change his nappy and give milk. You want to make it as easy and stress free as possible for both of them.

Bitzee · 30/10/2025 17:47

With a 2YO I’d just put them to bed myself at 7 then go out at 7.30 once I was sure I was asleep. I don’t think we had a sitter (that wasn’t Grandma or Aunty) do bedtime until 4+ when they understood properly. If there are that many little quirks and things he’s particular about, fair enough because toddlers be toddlers, you’re setting the sitter up for failure because she’s met him once/twice. And honestly 2 pre meets and video guide is kinda bonkers. Just keep it simple and easy. Do bedtime yourself. Go out a bit later.

makeitorbakeit · 30/10/2025 17:51

I’d skip the bath this once. Leave out written. instructions of bedtime routine but perhaps also talk her through the routine when she comes to visit which will allow her to ask questions. Have pjs set out and the room ready for what DS needs, comforter, teddies, white noise etc.
Leave anything she might need out in the kitchen or just tell her to make herself at home and have a rummage around.

Sounds like you have found someone you trust and are happy with so that’s half the battle!

Enjoy your evening out!

noctilucentcloud · 30/10/2025 17:51

In my experience, parents go out later when younger children are already fed and in bed. If you can't do that, you should make it as easy as possible for her. I would skip the bath (it's not fair to ask her to do that). I'd have the dinner ready to go and just needing reheating in the microwave, or even better have fed him earlier and just have a snack for him. I'd have him already bathed and in pajamas, bottle if you use that ready along with a book or whatever for bed time.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 30/10/2025 17:53

Try not to overthink. We have no family in this country so we have had to use babysitters. After you vet them (obviously) you really need to let go and trust them.

You can explain the normal routine in a brief text.

I would always do things like bath and food prep because it is just easier for the sitter.

Children behave differently for sitters sometimes so you need to be prepared for slight variation of your normal routine but you also need to trust the judgement of your babysitter because she also needs to feel empowered to make judgements while you are away.

Have a lovely date night.

SmudgeBrown · 30/10/2025 17:54

Agree with other posters here. Just keep it as simple as possible. One night without the usual routine isn’t going to kill him. If she does have to put him to bed, though, make sure she understands that routine and doesn’t let him cry.

Give her a list of only the absolute top expectations, requirements. Put everything out ready for her. Make it as easy and fun as possible.

Original poster

RamALamADingDong2 · 30/10/2025 17:56

I should add - we are going out at 4.30pm and having a very early dinner at 5pm! (The gig is at 7pm, that's why the timing is all a bit weird. We thought it'd be better to get home sooner rather than later). He usually goes to bed at 8pm and we will be back by 9.30pm. So he's deffo going to need some food between 4:30pm and 8pm!

OP posts:

CopperWhite · 30/10/2025 17:59

Tell her when she comes to visit, but wrote it all down as well so she can refer to it when you’re out if she needs to. I wouldn’t expect her to do bath time.

Are you paying her for her trial visits?

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 30/10/2025 18:00

I've been a nanny for 20 years an started babysitting at 14 so have been on the other side many times and honestly I don't think you can provide TOO much info!

Skip the bath this time, purely because its easier all round - If its a big part of his routine then lay out towel etc for her
Show her how the bedroom should be for sleeping (can always send pics or notes to her later if needed) and any comforter
Lay out everything for bed routine (Toothbrush and paste, Nappy, pjs etc)
Have a super easy dinner that he likes ready to go along with cutlery and cup
Show her where everything is (changes of clothes, change of bedsheets, nappies etc, his water cup)
Write everything down in a text for her to refer too)
point out fave toys etc

I know it's nerve wracking the first time but finding someone you all like and trust is half the battle!

Bluevelvetsofa · 30/10/2025 18:00

I don’t think you can ask a young girl to babysit and expect her to replicate your routines. The usual thing is that the child will be fed, bathed and in bed beforehand. If you can’t do that, I agree, make it as simple as possible.

Original poster

RamALamADingDong2 · 30/10/2025 18:01

Okay, thank you for this - you're so right, we could totally just bathe him earlier if needed and have dinner ready. And have him already in jammies and get the bedroom set up ourselves - all really sensible ideas, thank you so much! (I think I'm obviously just having a malfunction with trying to consider everything and make it as easy as possible for everyone). The last thing I want is for any of us to be worried or stressed!

OP posts:

Overthebow · 30/10/2025 18:01

How old is she? For a 2 year old I’d want an experienced babysitter, and definitely make sure she’s done infant first aid training (especially if she’s giving him dinner).

traintonowheretoday · 30/10/2025 18:03

TBH I think you’ve made a mistake with choice of first time to use a babysitter….you should have done a few later in the evening. asking a babysitter the first time you’ve used them to bath and feed dinner to your baby is quite frankly a bit weird. How young is young and are they a professional babysitter or a teenager looking for pocket money? There is a huge difference between the two which would determine what you can expect of them

Original poster

RamALamADingDong2 · 30/10/2025 18:04

CopperWhite · 30/10/2025 17:59

Tell her when she comes to visit, but wrote it all down as well so she can refer to it when you’re out if she needs to. I wouldn’t expect her to do bath time.

Are you paying her for her trial visits?

Yes we are. I wouldn't feel right not paying her - her time is still valuable and I want her to be able to trust us as much as I want to be able to trust her in return.

OP posts:

Bitzee · 30/10/2025 18:04

RamALamADingDong2 · 30/10/2025 17:56

Ah makes sense. In that case leave dinner done with microwaving instructions or do a plate of picky bits cling filmed in the fridge she can just grab. Skip bath. Write down the basics of the bedtime routine, just the absolute essentials. Worst case scenario if he doesn’t settle for her then I’d let her know that she can keep him up and put on calm TV or read stories until you get back since it’s not much later than his usual bedtime.

BingBongBish · 30/10/2025 18:06

I would've done a trial run first and gone to a very local pub.

You all get to see how it goes but without any pressure, and you could come straight back if necessary.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 30/10/2025 18:06

RamALamADingDong2 · 30/10/2025 18:01

Don't worry about having him in jammies at 4.30, she'll be fine getting him in them!

Make sure she has both your phone numbers (create a WhatsApp group perhaps)

Be fine with (and tell her) if he's upset or bedtime is super hard then cuddles and chilled tv is ok and you'll put him to bed when you get home

Bitzee · 30/10/2025 18:09

BingBongBish · 30/10/2025 18:06

I would've done a trial run first and gone to a very local pub.

You all get to see how it goes but without any pressure, and you could come straight back if necessary.

Also this though. Your plan is somewhat ambitious for never having had a sitter before…

TheDenimPoet · 30/10/2025 18:11

I genuinely don't mean this to sound awful, but I'm aware it might.. your first sentence sums it up. "DH and I have a beautiful 2 year old DS". He's a PFB. You're overthinking. So long as she knows what to feed him and approx what time he needs to go to bed, and perhaps a favourite book, it will be fine. It doesn't matter if the routine isn't entirely the same. If you like this girl, perhaps she can be a regular babysitter and she will get to know him better. But honestly, and kindly, please chill x

CopperWhite · 30/10/2025 18:12

RamALamADingDong2 · 30/10/2025 18:04

Yes we are. I wouldn't feel right not paying her - her time is still valuable and I want her to be able to trust us as much as I want to be able to trust her in return.

Show quote history

Then she will feel like she is being treated well and will be very keen to do a good job for you and look after your child well. The most important thing is that you know she is invested so you can trust her.

You should probably make peace with the fact that no matter what you do, you are still going to be nervous while you’re out, but hopefully it will all go well and you can look forward to more date nights!

Chinsupmeloves · 30/10/2025 18:13

You need to change your routine and have bath and nightwear on beforehand is the etiquette generally. Xx

JLou08 · 30/10/2025 18:13

Write his routine out, talk it through before you go incase anything needs clarification and leave the written routine with her. I don't think she should do bathtime, the sitter and child may both be uncomfortable with that.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 30/10/2025 18:16

Chinsupmeloves · 30/10/2025 18:13

You need to change your routine and have bath and nightwear on beforehand is the etiquette generally. Xx

You really don't have to do this

Original poster

RamALamADingDong2 · 30/10/2025 18:24

BingBongBish · 30/10/2025 18:06

I would've done a trial run first and gone to a very local pub.

You all get to see how it goes but without any pressure, and you could come straight back if necessary.

So that was kind of the plan for tonight - we had her over last week for an hour to meet and introduce DS to her, tonight was going to be us going out locally for 2 hours before the anniversary date next week.... but then somewhere along the way I realised that I haven't really "prepped" her yet! But I'm so glad I've asked on here - you're all super helpful :)

OP posts:

Flip

1 2