Babysitter Etiquette?

[RamALamADingDong2]

DH and I have a beautiful 2-year-old DS. We do not live anywhere near family or close friends and so in those 2 years, DH and I have never had any chance to spend any quality time alone together. Not a single date night!

However, it's our anniversary next week, and so for the first time, we will be having a babysitter over to look after our little one for a few hours while we go out for dinner and a gig. We can't wait, but it's also nerve-racking.

We have found a girl online and invited her over to get to know her a bit better - great news is that she's lovely and DS loves her (and he doesn't like that many people, so it's a relief!). She's quite young, and she's coming again tonight for a trial, but I'm not sure how best to communicate everything that needs to be done and how.

She will def need to feed, change and put him to bed due to the time of us going out, but we also usually bathe him - is this acceptable to ask or would you not want a babysitter to do that? Also, there are so many little things, e.g. how his chair works, what and how he eats, his quirks, where everything is kept, how the room needs to be for bedtime and so on...... How on earth do people communicate all this without overwhelming the sitter? Do you lay everything out beforehand? Do you make video guides? Do you not do anything and just wish them the best of luck?! I'm a bit nervous, quite confused and don't know what I don't know if that makes sense!

I would write down his routine with timings for her but yes, skip the bath and just give the info in high level terms - e.g. dinner at 5, start getting ready for bed at 7.30, bottle/cup of milk, story, teeth and bed at 8. She won’t precisely replicate your routine but he will be absolutely fine.

I remember when I was about 15 arriving to babysit for some new neighbours and assuming the 2 year old would be in bed already but he wasn’t and I didn’t have a clue what to do 😂 had to call my own mum to ask her how to put a nappy on him! But everyone survived just fine. Difference was he was their DC3, not their PFB!

Lol are we that transparent :) Not only PFB, but we are parents who had never even changed a nappy before DS! Neither of us had younger siblings or nieces/nephews etc... so all in all, prior experience is a hard 0!

Yes. It's very easy to build up a routine and think that everything needs to always be exactly the same. Honestly, it doesn't. So long as your child is fed and changed, teeth brushed and put to bed, all will be fine. Let the babysitter know what to do if he really won't settle (quiet cuddle in a darkened living room?).

Ah you'll be back by 9.30! He's 2, not a baby, I wouldn't worry at all. Just leave some simple instructions on timings for food/milk/bed and have a great time.

If she’s coming early what will she be eating ? Not wishing to pile on the pressure but I’ve always had food around that the babysitter is free to eat - particularly if they’re coming early. One of mine once turned up with a pot noodle and I felt bad that she was missing out on her dinner at home.

Don't ask her to bathe him.
Get everything ready for her to make it as easy as possible, even though it's early id get him in his pjs. Get a meal ready for her to reheat, or better still give him a huge lunch so he just needs a sandwich type thing for later. Give her money for a take away.
And try to relax. His bedtime won't go exactly as yours does, but let it go. It's one night. His happiness is more important than rules.

I wouldn’t want or expect a babysitter to do bathtime so maybe skip that for once.
For food I would have something ready prepared either to eat cold or for her to stick in the microwave.
Things like his chair I’d expect she’ll work out.
I’d write a list of instructions like what time he goes to bed, how many stories, nightlight etc etc.

Echo above get everything ready before you go.

I would probably leave her £20 for a takeaway in terms of food. Or, get some food in she can make easily while watching DS. Some pasta, maybe even a nice ready meal. Bread in the kitchen etc.

Have a lovely night out! You deserve it x

Yes get some food in for her. We usually put a pizza in the fridge and snacks on the side too and let her know they’re for her if she wants it.

For our babysitters, particularly new ones, we just prepare everything ourselves to make it as easy as possible.

So no bath.
Table set (so they don't have to look for cutlery etc), meal in a plate ready for the microwave, fruits pre-cut in a bowl...
PJ ready, favourite books on the bed.
Water bottle ready (or milk when they were younger).

We would prep absolutely everything. Now that we have a few babysitters who've been coming regularly we don't do as much. We also know them very well.

If they are not qualified nursery workers and don't have children, I take the perspective that they won't know some of the basics things we learned as new parents, such as safety in the bath, safely cutting fruits, etc. so won't leave that up to them.

We don't leave any food for them (unless we've baked cakes or biscuits that day for instance). When I was a babysitter I would take my own dinner, our babysitters do the same, we've never had issues.

I would do the same thing i did with grandparents i would give mention of the basics and leave the baby sitter to work out what works for her and the child together

The world wont end if your child does not 100% eveerything the same, she is not you she will adapt to what works for her

Do as much as you can before she arrives, either you do it early or else she can skip his bath, you need to set up his room as he needs it for bed and leave out anything else that will realistically be needed.

His routine will be out of sync anyway as he’s with someone else. Just accept that and lower your expectations to what is good enough rather than what you do.

You're all fab, thanks so much x

And remember to leave emergency numbers.

You’ve reminded me of my own 16-yr-old phoning me in a panic, the baby won’t stop crying, what should I do. She says she’d spend what felt like hours sitting next to him rubbing his little back.

I have to say, I was a bit surprised that parents were heading out leaving a clueless 16 yr old to put their baby to bed with almost no instructions.

Goodness. I was babysat a friends DD and she didn’t tell me anything, so I did what I’d done at other people’s houses (I mean the routine is pretty much universal). I fed her, she watched a CBBs program, quick bath a little story then put her to bed. When her parents arrived back at just before midnight they asked where she was! I said in bed of course. They were amazed - they realised they hadn’t told me her routine and that they basically let her go to bed whenever she wanted to, lay next to her til she fell asleep etc (she was just three). I said well she went to bed about 7.45 and not a peep since.
What I mean is it’s not you putting your child to bed so it’s not going to be the same routine is it? I would outline the timings, have whatever (his dinner, jammies, favourite toy, book what have you) set out for her and then trust that your child is not any different than most and will be happy with the novelty of this woman. Tell her to call you if any issues but don’t call her - enjoy yourself!

exactly

Yes, quite. Don’t underestimate the novelty aspect. My children loved having babysitters, young women who were fun and indulgent and different. He might have a lovely time.

And leave some food for the sitter, given the timeframe!

I would not leave anything to be microwaved due to burn hazard. He can have a room temperature grazing plate for his meal.

I would write out a list but not be to ott. I would give him a hot meal at lunch so she can give him an easy tea. I presume she does this regularly and is dbs checked etc so will probably be used to doing the usual. Yes skip the bath if he doesn’t sleep it’s no big deal as you won’t be late.

How did the test run go last night?