To stand my ground

[Kickinthenostalgia]

Me and dd13 often attend the Chelsea ladies matches, we’ve been going the last 2 years. We go to football and nandos either before or after depending on kick off. It’s our little thing. DP has joined us to London a few of the times, he goes and does his own thing and we meet and go to nandos. No issue. So this weekend he’s invited himself again. Plan was the same, football then nandos. Then he threw a paddy, yes a literal paddy because he realised the fireworks we usually go to are on that day and we can’t go because we have football (baring in mind we missed them last year because he had an event) his dad passed away in February and he stated that he’d really like to go this year because he always went to fireworks displays as a kid with his dad and he wanted to this year because it meant something. Tbh I’m not a massive fan of fireworks, I can take them or leave them. He then said he wanted to go to the fireworks in London we’ve attended before. I wasn’t happy at first as will have to leave home at 8am to get to London and then won’t be home til late. Fine I agreed. Dd didn’t want to go either but we are going to support DP. No further issue until just now when we were going through timings, and he’s just basically tried to say that we can’t go to nandos because we won’t get there (clink street nandos) and back after the match finishes in time to get to the fireworks by 5 so he gets a place to park. I’ve completely stood my ground and said we are going to nandos, I’m not changing that because

1. hes invited himself along to mine and DD’s trip and we are not changing our tradition.
2. he wanted to go to the fireworks after the match was confirmed so I’m not changing our tradition.

he then stated how he’s not going to eat in nandos because he wants a burger, after I asked him what we are supposed to do from 5 until the fireworks start at 7.30. Personally I’ll be bored shitless and can’t think of anything worse than standing around for 2 and half hours. I told him he doesn’t have to eat it’s up to him but me and dd will be going to nandos whether he likes it or not. He’s finally given in and said he’ll just have something small and a drink.

i understand he’s still grieving but I’ve been letting things slide (Nothing sinister, just some questionable behaviours) since February and this is something I’m not willing to budge on.

I can understand his desire to go to a fireworks display if it's something he used to do with his Dad, and is a treasured memory, but messing up your day with your DD when there are likely to be loads of fireworks displays you could go to, is a big ask on his part, so I don't think you're being unreasonable to want to stick to your routine OP.

If the fireworks are so important to him, why didn’t he attend last year then? Oh because he had another event. So he’s not that bothered then perhaps?

"Throwing a paddy" is a racist expression.

How many times does it have to be pointed out to UK posters that "throwing a Paddy" is an extreme derogatory and racist expression?

It's a MN favourite and it's been highlighted repeatedly and people continue to use it.

It seems a lot of people don’t like your expression @Kickinthenostalgia.

Australians say “spat the dummy”. Try that next time.

DP can jog on.

Yes I struggled to get past ‘throwing a paddy’. You’re not coming over covered in glory here.

Then he threw a paddy, yes a literal paddy

Don't be an arsehole.

New to MN but this does make sense. Quite a commonly used phrase in my area. It's crazy how there are so many things in language that are rooted in really dark meanings that you only really see when you pull the words apart. I feel like I've learnt a thing. Thankyou:)

I did not know this 😮

Couldn't get past that phrase either.
Glad some have learnt though, so maybe not a bad thing you used it

You both sound like spoilt brats. You're supposed to be in a relationship. Relationships are about compromise. Just sit down and work out a compromise that suits everyone like adults would. What kind of example are you setting your child? You're pathetic.

(Also, why the obsession with Nando's? That's also very weird although obvs not the point of the thread!).

Honestly didn’t know this…. I’ve been on mumsnet for years, never read a thread that mentions this. I’ve used this for years and no one has pulled me up for it. My Nan and family are Irish and use this constantly.

He’s an adult supposedly? Stand your ground. He’s being a brat.

If you invite yourself to someone's outing you go along with their plans. You don't start trying to change things then throw a strop when there are objections. 🙄

Irish here and got as far as your racial slur and stopped reading. Horrible that mumsnet allows this still.

I am amazed at the ignorance.

That’s all.

RE this: "we won’t get there (clink street nandos) and back after the match finishes in time to get to the fireworks by 5 so he gets a place to park"

Driving into central London at the weekend isn't going to be an efficient use of time. Would taking public transport not be faster and then you could worry less about parking. Or potentially park near the fireworks well ahead of time and not have to worry about getting there so early?

Also worth looking into whether there is a different Nandos you could go to, maybe somewhere on the way.

But it generally seems like a situation where everyone should calm down and put things into perspective / compromise a bit more.

I wondered if I was going mad, because this is such a non issue.

A reasonable conversation could sort all thia out and everyone gets to do everything - maybe eating somewhere else for this one occasion.

Yes, this. There are Nando’s branches absolutely all over the place. There’s no reason why the fireworks can’t be combined with the football match and Nando’s.

So he wants to celebrate the tradition he did with his dad at the expense of a tradition that you share with your daughter? Oh the irony...

I would suggest doing a different fireworks display on a different day.

Can he not park the car and wait for 2.5 hours then you take public transport and join him later?

So you're going from Stamford bridge all the way to clink street nandos?? Why? Surely theres one closer to stamford bridge and where is the fireworks show your dh wants to go to?

All seems a bit silly considering there will be lots of firework displays over the next couple of weeks.

I also have Irish relatives who use it frequently.

I think you are in the right here, your dh really needs to buck up a bit and stop throwing his toys out of the pram to get his own way.

Tell him to stop acting like a spoilt child. Hes going to ruin your tradition, because of a tradition he hasnt done in donkeys years? I dont think so. Its not a tradition if he hasnt done it in years. Mil died at christmas and my partner doesnt behave like this, yours is acting a bit selfish/attention seeking.

Well, now you know not to. The ‘Irish relatives who use it’ thing is as old as the ‘I have a black friend who uses the n word all the time’ one.

I haven't said I use it, please reread what you think you have read next time. Thanks for the unsolicited advice anyway though.