AIBU to challenge security over feeling ‘profiled’…for a pram?

[noodlebugz]

Hi - that’s it really…
Im noticing it more and more and it’s making me more and more annoyed.
When I’m out with my children and using the pushchair I constantly feel followed round the shop by security - boots and the supermarket seem particularly bad for this (though it’s also happened in John Lewis).
When I’m alone it just doesn’t happen.
For the record and complete transparency I haven’t stolen anything, the toddler successfully took a jelly pot from sainsburys the other day but as he’s also turned into a kleptomaniac at nursery - I took it back and asked them to have a word - as it’s frustrating and embarrassing to have to return stuff all the time (including other kids special teddies, signs that belong on the walls etc - all found in the nursery bag).
Its making me a) want to challenge them
and b) not want to shop there anymore - which would probably be self defeating.

I guess I realise this is minor and not really comparable to the profiling / assumptions made about whole groups of people such as young black men who are stopped and searched so much more often etc, which is really very serious.

YABU - suck it up buttercup they’re just doing their job. The pram isn’t forever.

YANBU - it’s a way of transporting your kid not a vehicle in a criminal enterprise - challenge away!

Please excuse any spelling / grammar - I’m on the bus on the way home from one of these shops and am dyslexic!

So you admit your child has been taking things? So it’s valid for staff to be watching you?

I mean, you admit your child has stolen things. I'm as sure lots of children in buggies do, hence them targeting buggies.

I doubt it's about your children tbh.

It's sadly quite common for women to use buggies to hide stolen items in because they hoped (past tense - as security have picked up on it and thus these women can't do it as much) they wouldn't be stopped because they had a small child/children. And they hope that if they are caught, then they can say the toddler/baby did it.

I’d look on it as a temporary insight into what it must be like to be a black woman, having spoken to many who get followed round shops

It's pretty sobering isn't it.

It happened to me once and I was initially angry then decided that I would maybe go round the store for a bit longer just to keep their step count up

A pram is one of the number one ways to shoplift. If caught in shop, people claim their DC must have grabbed the item and they had no idea. Lots of little nooks and crannies to store stolen items in too.

People actively use prams to shove things in to steal so I get why they watch them I hate it as well I feel paranoid even though I’ve no reason to other than I have a baby in a buggy but they are just doing there job

Same. Every time I went into our local poundland with the buggy the security guard would follow me round glaring so I'd make sure to take my time and go up and down each aisle a couple of times. The real shoplifters were probably having a ball while he was tailing me.

They don't do it because they're bored, they're doing it because prams ARE a very common tool used to shoplift.

You have a pram, it's not that deep.

Glad someone else chose to turn this into a sport too!

🙄 honestly OP nearly all toddlers go through a kelpto phase. No need to mention it as you get holier than thou responses as a result.

Sadly a lot of shoplifters use prams and other items to conceal theft. Just go with it and if you notice security just say “just shopping”.

I also find it's particularly noticeable in Boots. I'm never followed when I'm on my own, only when I have the pushchair with me. There are no other red flags about my appearance (I look like an ordinary middle aged mother).

I do find it disconcerting.... more so the first few times (until I twigged that it wasn't me, it was the pushchair).

I recently, quite randomly, got talking to someone at a baby group about it. She disclosed that she's a health visitor and is aware that some (usually young, struggling) mothers use their prams to shoplift.

So they should stop doing their job just because you’re a bit miffed?

Just take it on the chin - not only do some shoplifters use prams and buggies, toddlers are notorious for pinching things off shelves as we shop.

I once took a cheap Disney charm bracelet back to the Disney Store full of apologies - only to be told it was an H&M item! I'd been there over an hour before and hadn't spotted DS had it. DS liked sparkly things at the check out display.

the toddler successfully took a jelly pot from sainsburys the other day but as he’s also turned into a kleptomaniac at nursery - I took it back and asked them to have a word - as it’s frustrating and embarrassing to have to return stuff all the time (including other kids special teddies, signs that belong on the walls etc - all found in the nursery bag).

Parent your own child FFS.

Why do you think you should be exempt from being monitored for theft? What is your privilege?

I saw a woman steal a pack of nappies from Asda the other day by putting them in the net thing underneath the baby buggy. She had all her other items piled up on the toddler's lap, no actual shopping basket.

She went to a self service till, which is most of them these days and of course the camera above the scanner would not have been able to see under the buggy, it's too low.

Had she been stopped I'm sure she'd have said 'Doh, what am I like?! Completely forgot I had those down there. They were too big to fit on his lap with the other bits. Sorry.'

There was one member of staff looking after about ten self service tills and he didn't notice. I did think about alerting him as she was walking away, but I thought Sod it. Why should I bother getting involved? If Asda want to penny pinch and get rid of all the properly staffed checkouts and just have skeleton staff on the self service tills to maximise their profits then they only have themselves to blame.

My dad was on a jury trying a woman who had used a buggy to shoplift (from a Boots funnily enough). He felt quite sorry for her but after they found her guilty it turned out she had quite a bit of previous using the same method 🙄

Prams and buggies are common shoplifting tools. They're doing their job.

I used to work in a baby shop, and a huge number of women with prams would walk out with the toddler holding something and then go “oh my gosh, I had no idea they had that, they must have grabbed it without me seeing” when challenged at the door. Like, yeah I’m sure your child picked up an expensive breast pump…

Having somewhere you could hide stuff makes you more of a possible shoplifter. Same if you have a big bag, or walk around with a jacket you could hide things under. It's not personal.

Yeah prams are really common for shoplifting so obviously it's nothing personal they're just doing their job.

Maybe a little bit personal if your son has form for shoplifting 😂

I get that it feels bad, but at least it's temporary and not really a reflection on you as a person.

(My son also used to be a bit of a thief but luckily he's stopped now)

Absolutely challenge it. I have before and it felt great. I was being watched when I went into a supermarket with ds2 in a buggy. By the time I had made it all the way to the back of the store, I had had enough. I politely said something along the lines of 'I know I have a pram but I really am not going to steal anything.' Just to let them know I had cottoned on. They guy apologised and was a bit embarrassed.

Take your anger out on the shoplifters that have created this issue, not the security that are trying to solve it.

I think they’ll have been told to check people with pushchairs because of previous deliberate thefts and also because toddlers do pick up stuff that a parent might not see.

My disabled fil was made to get up out his wheelchair because a security guard was convinced he’d secreted a joint of beef under himself. He had not, my mil was sobbing with embarrassment. I felt terrible for them both, but maybe the shop had experienced someone nicking stuff that way before?