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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or OTT - H gaming and ignoring DC

47 replies

Hulkkkk · 29/10/2025 09:35

My H is gaming loads at the moment. Every time I turn round hes snuck back at his computer to game. Hes WFH a lot but just gaming

We have 2 DC and the oldest is autistic. He used to hit us a lot but I have done all the coursse and been supported by the school and its so much better and he is so kind and sweet. However, he can hit out when he gets angry. I have a younger DC (5)

I went upstairs to get ready this morning and left H and 2 DC downstairs having breakfast.

I was in the shower & I heard screaming from my little DC. And then I heard H shout "BOBBY" (oldest DC name, not real). But younger DC still screaming.

I jumped out shower and ran downstairs and little DC on floor screaming, older DC standing on back of sofa saying "sorry sorry sorry". But the crazy thing...H still in his little study next to the sitting room gaming away. Didn't get up. And I knoe he heard it all as he shouted Bobby's name

But he just didnt do anything. He was in room next door so couldn't see so for all he knows Bobby was still hitting DC

They are all fine. Bobby gpt mad and hit younger DC. And tjen Bobby jumped on back of sofa and also started crying

DH saying im mad for being mad and kids hit each other all the time. And I respond like a crazy woman running down stairs in my towel. I jist cant imagine being 2 metres away but not standing up to see what is going on!!

Am i being OTT?

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 29/10/2025 09:41

Definitely not being unreasonable. But i have zero patience for people ignoring kids either with phones or gaming.
He's a waste of space especially as he already leaves the care of your elder son entirely to you.

Octonaut4Life · 29/10/2025 09:43

Utterly irresponsible parenting from him.

Splendidbouquet · 29/10/2025 09:47

One, or both, of the children could have been badly injured.
That is parenting bordering on neglect imo.
It sounds as though your H actually has an addiction to gaming if it is more important to him than his own children.
I think you should be having a serious talk with him about how he intends to work on his addiction.

frozendaisy · 29/10/2025 10:03

Yeah he’s a dreadful dad, what can you do? You and the kids are stuck with him as their father.

You could try explaining that his current lack of care or interest in his family is deeply unattractive. Don’t give him sex until he pulls himself together?

ShenandoahRiver · 29/10/2025 10:05

Another fucking useless man.

Original poster
Hulkkkk · 29/10/2025 10:11

I said his lack of response isn't ok and hes just gone mental at me "you cant discipline your own kids. You let Bobby do the hell what he wants and then direct your frustration at me. Same old story". Shouting his head off in frotn of kids. Bobby (6) just said "dont trust daddy mummy. Hes not nice".

H saying "you always get mad at me when Bobby causes the issue" but he doenst seem to understand hes a man in his 40s so yes has to respond more emotionally mature than an autistic 6 year old! Its like theyre all children!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hulkkkk · 29/10/2025 10:13

Hes taking both DC to PIL tonight and he was shouting "im such a good dad im taking DC out your hair tonight and still you have a go at me"

I do feel grateful he takes DC to PIL sometimes as allows me to get lots of stuff done but I dont think it makes him dad of the year!!

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 29/10/2025 10:16

He is not a good dad he has completely checked out. If he was a teenager the console would be getting confiscated - shame you can’t do that here

Danioyellow · 29/10/2025 10:19

So his contribution to being a good dad is taking the kids to his mum to look after?

Viol3tta · 29/10/2025 10:21

What a waster.

Sajacas · 29/10/2025 10:24

You need to have a real discussion with him about what supervising kids actually entails.
And a separate discussion about gaming and how much of his time it takes up.

curtaintwitcher78 · 29/10/2025 10:25

He's got a gaming addiction and he needs to grow the fuck up.

Rosiedayss · 29/10/2025 10:34

God help you and your children.
What a complete and utter loser.
What is the point of him?
His screaming at you is absolutely abusive, you do know that?
Reach out for support.

Original poster
Hulkkkk · 29/10/2025 10:39

My 6 year old was saying "shut up daddy" and DH is shouting back "no you shut up son". and then DH is shocked when i'm annoyed at him. he's saying 'you're not angry at DS, just me'. because shouting at DS saying "no you shut up" is just creating more drama and just teaching DS that we shout and hit our way out of things. he honestly thinks i should be responding the same to both of them.

OP posts:
Calendulaaria · 29/10/2025 10:49

Hulkkkk · 29/10/2025 10:13

Hes taking both DC to PIL tonight and he was shouting "im such a good dad im taking DC out your hair tonight and still you have a go at me"

I do feel grateful he takes DC to PIL sometimes as allows me to get lots of stuff done but I dont think it makes him dad of the year!!

He sounds as immature as the kids, they have an excuse, not him!

InterestedDad37 · 29/10/2025 10:51

Absolutely out of order. Is this new behaviour, or has he always been uncaring?
Totally out of order, read the riot act.

BCBird · 29/10/2025 11:06

curtaintwitcher78 · 29/10/2025 10:25

He's got a gaming addiction and he needs to grow the fuck up.

Agree it's an addiction.

Vaxtable · 29/10/2025 11:11

Your husband has a gaming addiction and needs to seek help

Personally i would now be changing the wifi password so he can’t use it

ImFineItsAllFine · 29/10/2025 11:20

MN is supremely judgy of adults (mostly men) that play video games, but in this case I think you have a DH who doesn't actually want to be a parent. His go-to solution to give you a break is to shift the childcare on to his parents. If it wasn't gaming it would be something else.

zazazaaar · 29/10/2025 11:23

ImFineItsAllFine · 29/10/2025 11:20

MN is supremely judgy of adults (mostly men) that play video games, but in this case I think you have a DH who doesn't actually want to be a parent. His go-to solution to give you a break is to shift the childcare on to his parents. If it wasn't gaming it would be something else.

No issue with gaming, but a bit like watching tv or going on phones, it should be when the kids are in bed. Or out like mine are!

TheBeautifulMoors · 29/10/2025 11:26

He should absolutely have got up to check on the children and sorted it out. Some people do think though that children fighting is normal.

You also need think and see if any part of what he said about discipline is right. Did you correct your child when he told his dad to shut up? A child with ASD with that much language at 6 ‘sounds like’ he can understand correction like that. Of course it might take time to sink in.

The thing that many mums of autistic cjildren do, when they have partners who they think are uncaring or don’t understand their children’s needs is overcompensate. I’m not saying you’re doing that but it’s helpful to take a step back and look at things. Especially as you have a younger child, if they’re NT, this could cause issues with what they view as unfairness.

imsureineverdo · 29/10/2025 11:30

This is the reason I left my ex. No hobby should come before your marriage or children. Man child.

Borethefuckoff · 29/10/2025 11:32

Is your husband 13? This is cringe worthy. He’s a parent and needs to get a grip! I’d have the ick immediately plus your kids are going to grow up thinking this is ok like zombies!

Goodadvice1980 · 29/10/2025 12:04

OP my suggestion is your lazy unless dh go back to his parents & you and the dc carry on just fine without him under the same roof!

Original poster
Hulkkkk · 29/10/2025 21:30

TheBeautifulMoors · 29/10/2025 11:26

He should absolutely have got up to check on the children and sorted it out. Some people do think though that children fighting is normal.

You also need think and see if any part of what he said about discipline is right. Did you correct your child when he told his dad to shut up? A child with ASD with that much language at 6 ‘sounds like’ he can understand correction like that. Of course it might take time to sink in.

The thing that many mums of autistic cjildren do, when they have partners who they think are uncaring or don’t understand their children’s needs is overcompensate. I’m not saying you’re doing that but it’s helpful to take a step back and look at things. Especially as you have a younger child, if they’re NT, this could cause issues with what they view as unfairness.

I think maybe I do over compensate. We are definitely not parenting in an aligned way. Probably v confusing for the kids. I had a very angry dad growing up and my mum would just leave the room when he started ranting and shouting. I dont want to do that to DC. When H is getting mad and the house is toxic, I do scoop up DC amd give them cuddles which winds uo H more. I just cant believe H took it upon himself to shout at me after he'd just played video gamss rather than stood up. Really in truth I don't respect my H at all. Hes like am angry teenager. Im happier when hes not in the house

OP posts:
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