AIBU or OTT - H gaming and ignoring DC

[Hulkkkk]

My H is gaming loads at the moment. Every time I turn round hes snuck back at his computer to game. Hes WFH a lot but just gaming

We have 2 DC and the oldest is autistic. He used to hit us a lot but I have done all the coursse and been supported by the school and its so much better and he is so kind and sweet. However, he can hit out when he gets angry. I have a younger DC (5)

I went upstairs to get ready this morning and left H and 2 DC downstairs having breakfast.

I was in the shower & I heard screaming from my little DC. And then I heard H shout "BOBBY" (oldest DC name, not real). But younger DC still screaming.

I jumped out shower and ran downstairs and little DC on floor screaming, older DC standing on back of sofa saying "sorry sorry sorry". But the crazy thing...H still in his little study next to the sitting room gaming away. Didn't get up. And I knoe he heard it all as he shouted Bobby's name

But he just didnt do anything. He was in room next door so couldn't see so for all he knows Bobby was still hitting DC

They are all fine. Bobby gpt mad and hit younger DC. And tjen Bobby jumped on back of sofa and also started crying

DH saying im mad for being mad and kids hit each other all the time. And I respond like a crazy woman running down stairs in my towel. I jist cant imagine being 2 metres away but not standing up to see what is going on!!

Am i being OTT?

Then look at how you can go it alone.
He is abusing you all.
A complete waster.

You're happier when he's not in the house? I suspect the children are too, make it a permanent solution.

Take gaming handset and lob out of the window? So, so very tempting. Oh, and the spare as well.
your DH is being useless but I’m starting to think gaming is seriously addictive.

Unfortunately you seem to have married.an angry shouty man like.your dad.

Once the respect.is gone there's probably no going back, describing the house as toxic is so.sad, you and your DC would probably be better off if you split up

I would throw all his gaming stuff out and tell him if he wants to stay to grow up and start being an actual parent.

I would HATE this OP. You are not being unreasonable.

You’re not OTT and he’s clearly a selfish prick who doesn’t know how to parent.

My exH was/is addicted to gaming. It got so bad that he would take over my living room from around 4pm daily. He would quit the random jobs he would get and just game all day. I would have to ask for permission to speak as he would be on the headset talking to literal teenagers, the kids couldn't make any noise as he'd start screaming at them. He would eat his meals in front of the bloody tv. Would scream and rage if he lost or it wasnt going his way, would also blame me and the kids for distracting him. It was the 2nd major reason for my divorce (the first being drugs). The final straw was when he spent my rent money on a new console. Him and the Xbox were chucked out.
Please ask him to get help, or just get rid of him if he wont admit that its an addiction or a problem. It doesn't get better if it isn't addressed.

Then it really is the beginning of the end OP.
If you don't respect him, you'll soon start resenting him.
If you're happier when he's not around, that tells you everything you need to know x

I'm not even you but I feel so triggered by him and his lazy/bully attitude.
Maybe I'm just perimenopausal and just lack the patience now, but I wouldn't be staying with him.
Not a nice person.

I wouldn't damage his stuff. Just because you don't smash other people's stuff up.
He is the problem anyway, not his tech.
Just leave him and his gaming and have peace in your own home. Selfish man.

I’m having a hard time with grown men being so enamored by video games, it blows my mind. Games are for children. What’s in these games that get grown men stuck on them. Are they 12 and they can’t seem to be able to control. It’s so babyish, it makes me ill for the poor children of today, sorry Sonny, daddy couldn’t be there when you had an accident bc he was in the middle of video game. What is wrong with this. I don’t get it.

Are they betting on the outcomes? So have serious money in it or something.

He sounds like an utterly fucking useless piece of shit.

Both DH and I are gamers. There is a reason when our kids were little, we gamed after bedtime. Or, if there was some campaign or another we really wanted to take part in, we'd make sure the other one of us was ok to be on solo parenting duty.

@Gilgogirl you're of course entitled to your own opinion, but don't you have any leisure activities you particularly enjoy? Gaming only becomes a problem if (like this dad) you prioritise it above everything else. Like anything, really.

Gaming = manchild escaping from his responsibilities.

Personally, I think gaming is an addiction, no different from drugs or alcohol and I would not tolerate being with an immature man who puts gaming before being a responsible parent.

You know that many many millions of people are able to game without it being an addiction?

This obsession with attaching some sort of value judgement to a leisure activity is so tiring. It would be just as bad parenting if he was sitting in the study reading a book and not parenting and shouting at OP.

He has some strange ideas.

Since DS1 has struggled with hitting behaviour before but it's now improved, it's important to treat it seriously and continue to address it properly, not write it off as "Oh kids hit each other, it's normal".

His response claiming you haven't disciplined your own child (excuse me? Who does he think HE is in relation to your child!) and then blaming DC1 for himself getting short shrift from you is bizarre.

He is emotionally immature and it sounds like you would all be happier without him around.

This mans behaviour is totally unacceptable, ( my situation was so similar, also had an autistic child) he will not change, and many years later, your resentment will so great it'll effect yours and your children's mental health,but he won't see it and worse, won't care. If you have any means of escaping your marriage, do it. Sorry to sound so negative, but you know that saying....with the benefit of hindsight.

I don't judge gaming. But yes when I'm running round doing everything - making sure bills get paid etc - and hes just gaming & I can hear he is talking to Russian teenagers on his headset...yeah I find it hard to respect him.

This sounds extremely chaotic and confusing for the children.

Millions of people can yes. Ops dh clearly can't as evidenced by leaving an unregulated child to hurt his brother and just leave them to it.

This is an addiction. I know others who suffer from this but they don't have children. They stay up all night and their work suffers instead.