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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a party pooper?

45 replies

Polly199068 · 28/10/2025 23:49

I’ve been invited to a work Xmas celebration. It’s a few weeks before Xmas, for our office team of 15. It involves train travel to the venue, and then an activity, meal, cocktails. It will be a full day, and likely to incur other sundries £.
My colleagues are all nice but I don’t socialise with them outside of work.
Am I being a party pooper to not attend this event, mainly due to the time and expense so close to Xmas?

OP posts:
BingBongBish · 28/10/2025 23:54

There's no reason why you can't tell them you have other plans on that date.

Every year there are so many threads exactly like this and I get why some people stress about it, but ultimately you can just pretend you're busy and wish them all a nice night.

MinPinSins · 28/10/2025 23:55

It's not party pooping to just not go as long as you don't moan about it to them - it's less party pooping to just quietly not attend, than to go and be resentful.

Original poster
Polly199068 · 28/10/2025 23:55

They will change the date for me!

OP posts:
Canonlythinkofthisone · 28/10/2025 23:55

Forced fun is no fun
I rarely attend any work functions. I'm 100% not a party pooper and I have a wonderful working relationship with my team. They can go and let their hair down without me hanging around, and then I get to chuckle at all the shenanigans they may get up to. Unless it's a working day and there's an expectation to attend, no one can force you.

BlueberryButtercup · 28/10/2025 23:56

No no. They may want you to come and be a part of it but no one should expect you to go to that trouble and expense. I don’t go to my work Christmas parties and they’re local!

Jammington · 28/10/2025 23:56

I don't think you're a pooper - It's not like you're making anyone change the plan or stopping the event.

Wish everyone a fantastic time and go home wrapped in the warm glow of not having to make small talk.

HeddaGarbled · 29/10/2025 00:06

I have a different view on this one.

Big boozy works do in the evening with loads of people you don’t work closely with: fine to skip it.

Small team day out, they’ll change the day to suit you: think of it as work and work-related relationship building.

Lurkingandlearning · 29/10/2025 00:32

As it is a whole day event on a work day (?) are you suggesting staying at the office on your own when everyone else goes off to the party? Or would you take a day’s annual leave? Either of those would look rather dramatic and attention seeking. Perhaps a bit superior too.

I would probably go with the flow rather than make a point of being different to the others.

Original poster
Polly199068 · 29/10/2025 00:37

It will be on a weekend, and totally self funded.

OP posts:
RoseAlone · 29/10/2025 00:49

I never ever attend work things.

MeganM3 · 29/10/2025 00:54

Polly199068 · 29/10/2025 00:37

It will be on a weekend, and totally self funded.

No way would I give up a non working day.

Bearbookagainandagain · 29/10/2025 05:23

Polly199068 · 29/10/2025 00:37

It will be on a weekend, and totally self funded.

In these circumstances, it's absolutely up to you whether you want to give up a day off and find this.

It's a shame they don't do something more inclusive like a workday lunch or after work drinks.

Lobsterteapot · 29/10/2025 05:27

Nah fuck that if it’s on a weekend

Sartre · 29/10/2025 05:27

The cost should be covered by work.

Reallynotsure25 · 29/10/2025 05:36

BingBongBish · 28/10/2025 23:54

There's no reason why you can't tell them you have other plans on that date.

Every year there are so many threads exactly like this and I get why some people stress about it, but ultimately you can just pretend you're busy and wish them all a nice night.

The problem with your very obvious suggestion is there is such a thing as workplace culture. OP is not wrong to be concerned about this. It can affect your career/ promotion prospects unfortunately although it really shouldn’t.

Reallynotsure25 · 29/10/2025 05:42

OP I completely get where you are coming from, it sounds pretty full on and you have to pay for the privilege too! I also understand your concerns about being seeing as the workplace party pooper. I would just say you can’t afford to go, seeing as the company isn’t actually funding this. Secondly the fact it’s not even on a workday is another pisstake, so you can’t go because you have a family event on the same day? Go with whichever excuse you haven’t used before. Have you been to any of thes work Christmas parties before?

TheTortiePuffinNeedsHerBreakfast · 29/10/2025 05:48

It's a bit much asking for a full day on a weekend in the run up to Christmas. My work have moved the Christmas do to January. It's pretty popular - work funded evening at a time when people are strapped for cash, at a less busy time.

Flatandhappy · 29/10/2025 05:56

I was originally going to say maybe consider going for the sake of good relations but on a weekend day, self funded, sod that! That is a totally unreasonable expectation of you.

TattooStan · 29/10/2025 06:00

I'm not going to mine, I never do.

It's too far to travel, I don't want a late night, don't want to drink to much, and don't want to witness my colleagues awkwardly dancing (or awkwardly dance infront of them!). It's always on a "prime" December weekend date which I'd much rather use for something else.

I just say "Oh what a shame, I have other plans, I would have loved to go!"

WoahWoahandThriceWoah · 29/10/2025 06:16

I usually go to all of my works functions! Love a good party 🎉 The thing to remember is that those people that do go don't really want people there unless they want to be there.
Nothing quite sucks the fun out of an evening like Brenda from accounts coming over to moan about how she would rather be at home with her crochet or Bob from HR complaining how much it cost on the train to get there.
On a side note, of course they have offered to change the date, if they think you want to go they have to choose a date that suits as many people as possible. It can be considered discriminatory/against policy/rude to leave people out so just do them a favour and let them know it is nothing to do with the date!

Nestingbirds · 29/10/2025 06:42

‘If it was a work day Xmas lunch I would have loved to attend, but we are very busy every weekend in December with family events. I hope you have a fun day out, thank you for thinking of me’

TwistedWonder · 29/10/2025 06:45

You’re not obliged to attend an event you don’t want to that leaves you out of pocket.

As a pp said - enforced fun is absolutely not fun.

Ive been working nearly 40 years and probably attended 4 works events - if people judge me gifvggat, I don’t care.

Cannedlaughter · 29/10/2025 07:14

Truth is always easier. Just say, it’s too close to Christmas for me to spend that money and I’m busy most weekends in December. Please go without me, have fun and I can’t wait to hear about it after.
job done.

RhaenysRocks · 29/10/2025 07:18

One of the joys of getting a little older (50) is being far less concerned about what people think. I would say that sounds like a great day if you like that kind of thing but I very much don't. Have a brilliant time, show me the pictures. Life got a lot easier, actually from about 30 when I started saying no to paintball trips, Go Ape, meals with more than 8 people.

Friendlygingercat · 29/10/2025 07:50

People have become very flaky nowadays and I am always reading threads about people who promised to attend and then d not shw up/text at the last minute. Its better to be honest and up front with your colleagues and to make a polite excuse at the onset.

"Thanks so much for asking me. But I will be busy with family plans from now on so I really cant commit myself for a weekend. I hope you have a wonderful time."

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