Am I being a party pooper?

[Polly199068]

I’ve been invited to a work Xmas celebration. It’s a few weeks before Xmas, for our office team of 15. It involves train travel to the venue, and then an activity, meal, cocktails. It will be a full day, and likely to incur other sundries £.
My colleagues are all nice but I don’t socialise with them outside of work.
Am I being a party pooper to not attend this event, mainly due to the time and expense so close to Xmas?

Is this a work do organised by work for the staff? Or just the people you work with having a christmas night out? If it's a proper work do, I feel like you have to suck it up as its 'team building' but if its just people going out I'd be less inclined to go. Staff do's are my idea of hell, I totally get why you wouldn't want to go!

I wouldn’t go. I would say my weekend time is fully committed. It’s fully committed to being my own time. It’s bad enough when employers expect staff to work or train on days they are not contracted to work but to be expected to waste free time and money on socialising - absolutely fucking not

I’ve been invited to something similar. It clashes with my pre Christmas hair appointment so obviously I’m going to prioritise that. Even if I wanted to go on this team building event I wouldn’t get another hair appt now as my salon is booked up. So I told the organisers. End of.
People have a lot on in the run up to Christmas. A friend of mine already has every weekend from mid November booked up. Try this as an excuse if you don’t want to say it’s not your thing.

Which is precisely why I said I get that some people stress about it.

You’re not obliged to socialise with your work colleagues outside of work hours.

I am at work to work, I have friends and a life outside of work and I don’t want to spend my precious free time with work colleagues.

Absolutely not if it doesn't suit you.

Years ago my friend worked for a bank where social events were mandatory and non attendance resulted in a disciplinary.
This included the Christmas party which was on a Saturday in a hotel in London which rooms had to be self funded. Childcare and financial constraints were considered but had to be put in writing as a request for not attending but had to have board approval. It was ridiculous

My old used to try and arrange leaving do's, Christmas nights etc and I never attended and told them (politely) that I spend more time with them a week than I do with my own family and that's why I wouldn't attend 😂 they probably thought I was an arsehole

If it were me, I would simply say “I can’t afford to do this so close to Christmas and I’ve got commitments most weekends on the run up to Christmas. I hope you all have a wonderful time, maybe I will join you all next year” and if they want to change things for you say “that is so kind but no thank you, you all carry on and have a great time”.
But, I am the type of person to be able to tell others how I truly feel without fear of consequence. Could you do this?

And this would be my reason for not going.

While I 100% agree with everyone saying it's fine to just politely decline, if you feel you can't or that would be seen as a massive snub, could you just join part of the event? So just do the activity, or go later and have a drink in the evening? You could drive if you don't want to drink and then it's easy to get away when you are ready to go.

I’d go, but I’m in my 50s with no kids at home and quite like my colleagues, in fact some of them I like a lot.

I find this quite refreshing, so many saying no YANBU. I've spent years saying no to these things because, I don't enjoy them. I don't make excuses I just say no thanks, but hope you all enjoy it. I have heard on occasion that some people do like to speculate on why, wonder if I am a recoverd alcoholic, do I have a controlling spouse, have we got money troubles! No to all of them, I just prefer not to go. I love a good old party with family and extended family one in a while, but usually in someone's home. I also always say no thanks to secret Santa, I always end up with some total rubbish and I expect people would think the same of anything I bought them.

Same and every time, I just say ‘You know I hate socialising’. There’s not really an answer to that.

Just say no. No explanation needed.

I’ve just signed up to mine - being new to the team thought I’d better. But actually I’m spending too much for pasta (the only veggie option). I don’t like big groups and will have barely anyone to speak to as we mostly work at home. Bah humbug.

Be honest just say you can't/don't want to go. Im torn on my christmas party this is self funded but its a choice of two days and one on a Friday about an hr after work the other is on a Saturday further away. Ive chosen the Friday but been asked to change to the Saturday I said I will decided today.

How unfortunate that you’re busy every weekend before xmas.
All our work events are self funded too (public sector) I don’t ever go. Balls am I spending my wages (which are piss poor) to hang out with people I don’t especially like

No you’re definitely not being a party pooper - in my experience you don’t get ANY Brownie points for attending social functions you don’t want to

The self funded knocked me out unless it’s twenty quid or something! I’ve gone to some of these over the years and ended up getting to know colleagues and having a fantastic time but it sounds expensive!!