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Original poster

My “mum friend” didn’t get my child a birthday card

30 replies

Hesxboon · 28/10/2025 14:01

I have a friend who’s also a mom to 3 young children. September was her sons birthday and we do buy each others gifts/ cards every year as we’ve known each other years. Last week was my child’s birthday, she text happy birthday which was nice. We met yesterday for a coffee and play date with the kids. But nothing, no card or mention of did “””” enjoy their birthday?
I find it odd as she usually asks, gives a card and present, I don’t ever expect a present but I feel a bit hurt she didn’t even bother with a card from the kids. She’s got nothing going on that I know of and seemed fine. I’ve noticed she seems a bit bitter about other friends of hers lately and regularly slags them off to me. I just don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, she’s the type of person to buy in advance too, so I don’t think she’d forgotten either.

OP posts:
RomeoRivers · 28/10/2025 14:03

Did you have a birthday party?

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 28/10/2025 14:04

Maybe this is her way of saying "Cards are a waste of money and resources. Kids don't care about them and I will not be getting them from now on"

WallaceinAnderland · 28/10/2025 14:05

It just goes in the recycling. She sent a birthday message which is actually the thoughtful, caring bit.

RightThenRightAgain · 28/10/2025 14:06

Yes, maybe she’s trying to cut back on it all and this is how she’s doing it.

Lavender14 · 28/10/2025 14:07

RomeoRivers · 28/10/2025 14:03

Did you have a birthday party?

Was also wondering this? If there was a party and if so was her kid invited. Or were they expecting to be.

Maybe it has been an oversight and she forgot it before seeing you. Sometimes well organised people can also drop a ball. Has there been any conversation about cutting back or similar?

Original poster
Hesxboon · 28/10/2025 14:07

But then I think she should have mentioned it before we were invited for a play date for her son’s birthday? That she wasn’t doing presents, it’s not about the present I just thought she’d get a card as she usually does

OP posts:
Snipples · 28/10/2025 14:07

I’m not a card person so I wouldn’t be bothered by this. I never really buy birthday cards and even for kids birthday parties I just buy a present. Some people aren’t that into cards. My family comment on it from time to time but I’m just not a card person and think they’re unnecessary faff. Maybe this friend is the same.

Original poster
Hesxboon · 28/10/2025 14:08

Yeah it totally get that but she usually is a birthday card and present type so that’s why I’m a bit confused by it

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 28/10/2025 14:10

Hesxboon · 28/10/2025 14:07

But then I think she should have mentioned it before we were invited for a play date for her son’s birthday? That she wasn’t doing presents, it’s not about the present I just thought she’d get a card as she usually does

So for her son's birthday you were invited to a playdate?
Did you do anything for your child and specifically mention it was your child's birthday?

I am guessing perhaps she wants to cut back on gifts, so unless it's a proper invite (or family?) she might have stopped buying.

Original poster
Hesxboon · 28/10/2025 14:10

I did but not a party as she’s text happy birthday on the day. I wouldnt give it any thought if it wasn’t a yearly regular thing we did that’s all

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 28/10/2025 14:13

Hesxboon · 28/10/2025 14:10

I did but not a party as she’s text happy birthday on the day. I wouldnt give it any thought if it wasn’t a yearly regular thing we did that’s all

So did you specifically say at any point 'lets meet at soft play, it can be for Freddie's birthday as he loves it there'.
If not and you just carried on as normal then I don't see there was an issue as she had said happy birthday beforehand and you didn't say it was a birthday get together. I assume as she has 3 children then it could get expensive buying presents if they all get invited to things, so maybe as your son didn't have a specific birthday party or outing then she didn't feel the need to buy a gift.

Arlanymor · 28/10/2025 14:14

Unless you are very close, I think presents are more something that you give if you are invited to a party/birthday event. She texted on the day itself which was thoughtful, and if she knew she wasn't seeing you until a week after his birthday then she might well have thought it was a bit odd to give a card so long after the day itself? Cards in advance is one thing, but after the event seems pointless - it's not going to be put on the mantlepiece then, it'll go straight in the recycling.

RomeoRivers · 28/10/2025 14:16

Personally, I would only buy an another child a present if there was some sort of celebration; particularly as I also have 3 kids of my own, I think it’s different for people with only 1 child.

She had a ‘birthday play date’, but it doesn’t sound like you did anything?

Changingplace · 28/10/2025 14:16

Hesxboon · 28/10/2025 14:08

Yeah it totally get that but she usually is a birthday card and present type so that’s why I’m a bit confused by it

I think if she text happy birthday and your meet up wasn’t specifically birthday related and you didn’t have a party then you’re being a bit weird about this.

Changingplace · 28/10/2025 14:17

RomeoRivers · 28/10/2025 14:16

Personally, I would only buy an another child a present if there was some sort of celebration; particularly as I also have 3 kids of my own, I think it’s different for people with only 1 child.

She had a ‘birthday play date’, but it doesn’t sound like you did anything?

This, if you arrange something to mark a birthday then people bring cards/presents but OP didn’t.

Anotherdayanotherpound · 28/10/2025 14:18

I think you need to let it go, without resentment, and stop with the cards and presents

BigDeepBreaths · 28/10/2025 14:25

You have different expectations of friendship.

I’m like your friend. I have a large family, wide circle of friends and i now cant manage more than a happy birthday message for all but the closest family members’ kids. I once got a really nasty email from a friend calling me out for not wishing her DS a happy birthday on the day of his birthday. I had told her a few days before that i had something small to drop off for him so she knew i hadnt forgotten, and whilst i missed his actual bday, i sent a messge the following morning. He was 5 and didnt give one shit about getting a msg from me!! Anyway, she tore me to shreds and I walked away from that friendship. She needed way more than i was able to give.

I think “mum friends” really need to give one another a break.

Skybluepinky · 28/10/2025 14:29

They didn’t have a party, so you are overthinking it.

VoltaireMittyDream · 28/10/2025 14:30

I am amazed people have spare brain space to get worked up about this sort of thing.

I am also amazed anyone has spare brain space to remember the birthdays of every single one of their friends’ children, not to mention time to get them all thoughtful presents and cards and meet for coffee!

We all live in pretty different worlds.

HoppityBun · 28/10/2025 14:30

Snipples · 28/10/2025 14:07

I’m not a card person so I wouldn’t be bothered by this. I never really buy birthday cards and even for kids birthday parties I just buy a present. Some people aren’t that into cards. My family comment on it from time to time but I’m just not a card person and think they’re unnecessary faff. Maybe this friend is the same.

But this wasn’t for you, it’s about a child, and children do like getting cards. Perhaps OP leave it for a bit then have a general discussion about Christmas and take it from there to discuss what’s to be done in the future. Also, does she think you had a party but didn’t invite her children?

underthecokesign · 28/10/2025 14:43

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 28/10/2025 14:04

Maybe this is her way of saying "Cards are a waste of money and resources. Kids don't care about them and I will not be getting them from now on"

It might have been nice of her to give some warning if so, given that she's done it in the past.

(Not all of us thinks cards are 'a waste of money and resources' btw.)

Original poster
Hesxboon · 28/10/2025 15:31

I think it’s the fact that we’ve done so every year regardless of a party or birthday meet up it’s just something we’ve always done for eachother and ours kids. Fair enough it’s not the normal thing for everyone else. I don’t expect a present. Like I’ve stated a few times I’d never expect a present I know times are hard for some. I just found it odd no card or any talk about my child’s birthday as she usually would. We give gifts/ cards regardless of a party or outing. We are close so maybe that’s why I feel a bit upset about it. I’ll just leave it and not say anything. I wasn’t going to make a thing out of it anyway I just wanted to know if I’m being daft

OP posts:
Original poster
Hesxboon · 28/10/2025 15:32

HoppityBun · 28/10/2025 14:30

But this wasn’t for you, it’s about a child, and children do like getting cards. Perhaps OP leave it for a bit then have a general discussion about Christmas and take it from there to discuss what’s to be done in the future. Also, does she think you had a party but didn’t invite her children?

Show quote history

Yes Thankyou it was more about my child too as her kids always get him a card

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 28/10/2025 15:40

Did your child even notice the lack of card? I'm assuming not as kids don't care about cards.
She didn't forget the birthday, it wasn't a birthday party - this is a complete non issue.
She remembers, she communicates, she is present in your life - don't measure friendships by cards and gifts or you'll have none.

Peachy2005 · 29/10/2025 18:48

Take it as a hint, going forward. Clearly this is what she prefers, so do the same.