Am I the crazy one?

[Morecoffeethanks]

My in-laws have a large dog (25kg) the dog has snapped at my two year old DS- he is loud and unpredictable as a lot of two year olds are. My in-laws have other grandchildren ranging up to 8 years old. All the other parents are happy for their children to be around said dog. I have said and DH agrees we don’t go to the in-laws house because the dog has now snapped at our toddler.
The in-laws are acting like we are being over protective and creating problems.
I was even sent a video on dog body language from mother in law on how of a dog snaps it’s a warning and a good thing?!
Am I not being awkward and difficult for no reason am I?

YANBU

I am a total dog lover, and there is no way any dog would get the opportunity to snap at my toddler twice.

Your question is - Should my two year old hang out with an unpredictable dangerous animal? And the answer is no.

do you know what happened to cause the dog to snap?

Stay away if you wish . But your dc should learn how to behave around ddogs as young as he is. Imo it's a life skill. And can lead to fabulous relationships for your dc. Possibly not with that particular ddog though. Mil's attitude to it would keep me away not the actual ddogs behaviour..

YANBU. I love dogs but if mine snapped at a family member's toddler he (the dog) would be kept well apart from the child when they visited or I would visit them without the dog. When the child was old enough to understand how to treat dogs, and presumably calmer, we would do some work around training both of them to be safe in each other's company. But for now, the dog and the child would not interact in any way.

I will add we do have a dog. He is generally pretty good with the dog, but not reliable. We have rules, don’t go to the dog if he is in his bed. Don’t take food from the dog, don’t take the dogs toys etc buy the rules require a lot of enforcement still.
Im not sure what caused the snap, it was at our house it happened and I was in the kitchen at the time, both in-laws were present though but didn’t see what happened.
The dog has bitten two adults that I know of also.

DS is very young still - a 2 year old unlikely to consistently remember dog body / language rules. Sounds like grandparents slipped up in supervising around dog too. I wouldnt have had mine near a snappy/grumpy dog.

I love dogs and have a very large (40+kg) dog myself but I wouldn’t let my small children around any dog that has a history of biting

I've got a small terrier type dog, she's an arsehole (I love her but she's an arsehole) snappy and grumpy.
I also have a grandson, 18 months, who lives with a big, placid dog.
I keep dgs and my ddog away from each other to avert any incidents.
100% YANBU
Don't trust any dog around small children.

Ditto, I also have an arsehole terrier. She is NEVER with any child regardless of its age or relationship to me. She's never bitten a person yet, but she is unpredictable. If children are involved, she stays at home.

I love dogs and no, of course a toddler shouldn't be around a dog that's previously snapped at him. YANBU at all.

To be honest, as well as being concerned for the toddler and the potential risk of them being bitten, I'd also feel sorry for the dog as it obviously feels stressed/threatened. It's best for both the child and the dog if they're kept apart.

You are being sensible, just ignore them.

@BauhausOfEliott you are absolutely right, I think the dog finds the children very stressful. There are a lot of times father in law is wrestling the older children and the dog is standing over them looking very tense but I feel like I’m the only one who sees this.
Before DS was born we did look after this dog and our calm dog seemed to rub off on him and he would always seem much more relaxed in his presence but it’s just not possible anymore.

You are being completely sensible. The fact that the dog is large and has bitten people previously is also a massive red flag.
Ypur in laws sound intense!

if MIL is that worried about seeing you she will happily muzzle the dog while in your child’s company. I had a dog years ago who snapped at my nephew once. He never got that opportunity again, was muzzled every time the kids came to visit.

My in laws have a large dog that was always ‘boisterous’ that I always disliked, as did my son. One day, we got a frantic phone call at 7am from my MIL, screaming that this dog had savagely attacked and killed one of their other dogs. She refused to have it put down despite being warned, and as a result, DS has not had a sleepover there in four years, and will never again. He’s not even allowed to spend the day there unaccompanied by me or DP, and, if we are there, that dog is locked away.

Do not trust dogs, especially those that give you warning signs, and I say that as someone who’s dog is currently lying on our laps.

Just to add - 100% agree with this. Did the dog killing another dog wasn’t enough to keep us away, MIL’s reaction to the incident would have been. Anyone that underplays or explains away behaviour like that can’t be trusted.

Too bloody right!!

@Morecoffeethanks You’re definitely much better at reading dog behaviour than your in-laws! You sound a million times more sensible and thoughtful than they do about the dog as well as about your child. You’re doing absolutely the right thing.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat
Glad it's not just me that has an arsehole terrier 😄

She's a Patterdale, so 'arsehole' only skims the surface of the awfulness.

so the dog shouldn’t be taught either ? Most people never train their dogs because they only see them as an extension of their household instead of giving them proper training. I know of dogs who won’t even twitch an eyelid unless their owner says so . The toddler wasn’t touching the dog so it reacted to the toddler just being a toddler and if it was trained properly it wouldn’t have behaved like that . Clearly they are unable to control their dog , an animal , and think it above their grandchild . I wouldn’t visit again - they can always come to you

@Melonjuice I think they have tried to solve some of the dogs behavioural problems however it was a rescue from abroad. The dog was around a year and a half when they got it. They have had a behaviourist in who said the dog is defensive because it’s scared however I think often times MIL attaches human emotions to the dog. For instance she won’t put the dog upstairs for family gatherings incase it feels left out.
We even put our very family friendly Labrador upstairs when we host lots of children as we can’t have eyes on the dog all the time- he has never once showed any aggression to anyone but I would hate to put him in a situation he would be overwhelmed with.

Your MiL sounds pretty ignorant sadly..Which is annoying for you, but worse for her poor stressed dog 🙁

Yanbu. I have a toddler who is very rambunctious, the dog I share with my ex is very scared around kids and is also about 25kgs. So I never have them together, I only see my dog on my own.

You must put your toddler first, you absolutely have made the right decision. Your in-laws are being ridiculous and very naive.

Dogs are lovely but ultimately predictable, its not fair on the dog or the toddler to have them together.