Am I the crazy one?

[Morecoffeethanks]

My in-laws have a large dog (25kg) the dog has snapped at my two year old DS- he is loud and unpredictable as a lot of two year olds are. My in-laws have other grandchildren ranging up to 8 years old. All the other parents are happy for their children to be around said dog. I have said and DH agrees we don’t go to the in-laws house because the dog has now snapped at our toddler.
The in-laws are acting like we are being over protective and creating problems.
I was even sent a video on dog body language from mother in law on how of a dog snaps it’s a warning and a good thing?!
Am I not being awkward and difficult for no reason am I?

It’s bitten two adults and snapped at a 2 year old, no, you’re not being sensitive or pedantic. This is absolutely a hill I would be prepared to die on.

Terms would be clear - put the dog out whilst visiting or we do not visit. The dog is not a human, it should not be treated as an equal to a child. They are pack animals and there is a hierarchy. Your in laws are creating a very dangerous situation and then emotionally guilting you into thinking you’re creating a division in the family. They are doing this.

Listen to the number of responsible dog owners in this thread who can see this isn’t a sensible dynamic, nor a safe one.

You are not being un-reasonable to want to keep your toddler safe. however not going over all together is extreme, how long do you plan to keep away for? Would not asking the in-laws to shut their dog in a safe place be a more practical solution? We have a space in our home where I can safely shut the baby gate on our dog whenever I am unavailable to keep an eye 100% on the children and dog or when we have visitors.

My dog ve just had to have pts was 32 kg and a big softy if she gave a warning snap she would not be near any children full stop the dog is telling them its not happy to ignore the warnings repeatedly is asking for disaster and I would not be putting my precious child in the firing line their life is more important than anyone's feelings

Nope, I’d do the same. My sister has two large dogs, both seem ok but I still don’t let me toddler near them. However one of them (a mastiff) is obsessed with her and will try and lick/play with her a lot, which she hates. We grew up with dogs, so I’ve nothing against them, but just not worth the risk for me

I love dogs but I’d never leave a dog around children without heavy supervision. In my opinion you’re asking far too much of an animal. Plenty of people lose their temper with children and shout etc but were expecting more of a dog!

this dog already has a bite history. If anything untoward were to happen, this is daily mail front page fodder and charges of neglect!

You’re not at all being difficult, obviously !!!
Your MIL sounds like she needs brain camp !!!

Ditto

Thanks all for the reassurance. I think they are just upset as we don’t live locally anymore so we’re looking forward to having us stay for a few days around Christmas.
My mother in law isn’t a bad person she just lets her heart rule her head which leads to some poor decision making.

When we had the most beautiful trustworthy big dog who was so placid, we still wouldn't have let her loose at a kids' party. She would be fine but I wouldn't trust little kids doing anything that could cause her to react just in case. If even the tiniest risk of reacting, which you said this one did, absolutely not. Xxx

Ridiculous! They’re two. The dog shouldn’t be around small children regardless of MIL behaviour.

I think there is a difference between someone who has a snappy dog and takes action to reduce the chances and those who will deny there is a problem and you are waiting for an accident to happen.

My dog, here before my daughter, can be temperamental. I’ve learnt his triggers and he’s never left alone with my daughter. He knows he goes in his crate at times where there is a risk of problems (parcel delivery being one). It takes a lot to manage.

I wouldn’t send my child to a house like your MIL if they weren’t going to take precautions .

You are right not to expose your child to this dog at any time, even when older. The dog is the problem, not your child. If I was GM the dog would be put to sleep as it has shown unreliability towards one child. It will bite someone soon.

I know there will be a lot of MNs saying I am cruel to animals. I am not but a dangerous dog will always be unpredictable.

This ^^

It sounds like your MIL is right in one sense in that the dog is giving a warning bark. Dogs do that before they bite basically. It’s their way of saying I don’t like this situation I’m not happy or comfortable. You don’t say what preceded it.

If the dog was dangerous they wouldn’t bother with a warning is probably what your MIL is saying. However the fact the dog is upset means that if the upset continues they could end up biting. That’s the whole point of the warning. Go away or I might bite/ escalate.

So keep them separate and until your child is old enough for the dog and child to be calmer around each other. You cannot take any risks with a child that young. Or with any child for that matter if the dog is clearly warning you to back off.

I wouldn't be around this dog as an adult, let alone a young child. He's bitten twice before! He sounds unpredictable ( ok he might bark as a warning but he's an animal we still don't know what they're going to do) and I hate it when dog owners can't see it when the dog has a previous track record!
He's a risk to be around, I wouldn't be able to relax in his company, so there would be no point in arranging meet ups with the dog.
I would also worry that this could make your child very anxious around dogs if he has this experience - yes be aware of them, but some are lovely and friendly and this could plant some fear into him when he sees other dogs.

I wouldn’t even think about having my child around that dog. Who cares about being polite to in laws when it could cause harm to your child?
Ridiculous that they are pressuring you about it.