To not want to socialise every time with a bloody dog?

[NoSpanielSympathy]

Friend has a rescue dog she’s very fond of. It’s a nice enough dog but I’m not really a dog person. We have a mutual friendship group, a mix of couples and singles, a few pre-schoolers and babies.

Friend is a bit of a friendship queen bee and does a lot of organising. She regularly organised things like walks and picnics in the summer, and meals.

The dog comes everywhere she goes. That means picnics have to be in the dog bit of the park (which means dog crap everywhere and rogue dogs sticking their noses into food), pub trips are often in pub gardens even in the bitter cold as the dog can’t come inside, meals are always directed to her house because of the dog (either we order a takeaway or everyone brings a dish - I have offered to cook many times but the dog isn’t invited so she always steers it back to hers).

I used to be less bothered, but I have a toddler now, and don’t want to sit in the dog shit bit of the park, or a freezing smoky pub garden anymore, or have my toddler rolling in her dog’s bed!

AIBU to arrange separate meet ups which aren’t dog friendly? She will be upset.

It is 100% acceptable not to want to sit outside in the cold while you eat, toddler or not.

I would agree that you need to just start organising non-dog friendly gatherings and she will have to suck it up.

The frisky fox 🤣🤣

This.

Perhaps your friend doesn't want to socialise with your toddler but puts up with as she's your friend and that's what friends do. There are plenty of dog friendly pubs where you don't have to sit outside and I think you are exaggerating the dog shit issue in parks. I'm team Dog I'm afraid.

Just be honest with her that you don't always want to do dog friendly things - if she gets upset then that's on her. You are not responsible for how she feels. Arrange your own meet ups and tell her she's welcome but the dog isn't. I'm allergic to dogs and a lot of my friends have dogs but wouldn't dream of bringing them to my house!

Agree with PP that the dog, as a rescue, probably has a lot of SA related issues that mean it can't be left. You can absolutely choose not to do things that are dog friendly, but equally she - as the organiser - can absolutely want to do dog friendly things. An adults conversation would be useful, I think.

More importantly

'or have my toddler rolling in her dog’s bed!'

Errr why is your toddler rolling in the dog's bed?!

She sounds a bit full on, and all meet ups are on her terms, to suit her. You have child/ren, they come first.
Next time say no, or arrange your own meet up, inside, warm, child friendly. Up to her if she goes or not.
She's controlling the meet ups so they suit her and the dog. She's taking over arrangements of parties etc, so she'll make sure she's invited and again, will be on her terms with the dog.
Your grievances are perfectly reasonable.
Don't let her walk all over you.

Is she a real friend though? She insists on bringing the dog along everywhere she goes.
She gets upset if you were to say no dog. Drags other into her bat shittery of checking on the dog frequently.
I wouldn't have any patience for any of that. Dislike people in general ,love animals immensely but even I wouldn't be taking a dog eveywhere.
She gets away with it because a ) People don't like it but don't want to upset her or b) They think she's batshit and think we'll indulge her as a result.

Do you bring your ‘bloody toddler’ with you all the time?

My DH old sch friend (50 but lives at home with his elderly parents still) got a dog in lockdown and it's NEVER been left alone at home ever in the last 5 years. I personally think it's crazy. I adore animals and currently have cats and used to be a veterinary nurse but I think some dog owners are loopy and need to establish proper routine and structure for their dogs -& that involves training them to be left for up to 4 hours alone etc.

I wouldn’t frame it as organising something without her and directly excluding her.

Just say who wants to come to dinner At restaurant X/ theatre/ cinema on Y date?

If she says she can’t because of dog, you accept that and meet whoever is available.

If she says can we do ABC instead because of dog, you just say you are going ahead with your plans and look forward to seeing her soon.

No, sometimes I leave her at home with her dad, or a babysitter! Friend is single so doesn’t have anyone to leave the dog with though.

This is so rude! Putting a honking dog on the same level as someone’s child?!

Calling a friend’s pet ‘a bloody dog’ is so rude!

Exactly, dogs are part of the family

I'd choose my dog over my friends any day.

I'm sure your friend would get over it if you started organising your own dog free events.

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a pub that doesn’t allow dogs! Can’t you just pick a pub that allows dogs?

I would just find things to do which are both child and dog friendly. If you specifically want to do something which isn’t dog friendly like the theatre then invite her and it’s ok if she decides not to make it. There are lots of things which are child and dog friendly, most of the parents I know also have dogs. It’s totally reasonable to want to do things that aren’t dog friendly but I do think it’s a bit unreasonable to want to do something just to exclude the dog.

It does kind of depend on the dog, doesn’t it?

If it’s a well-trained dog that just sits under the table then I agree with you. If it’s a feral nightmare then I think it’s reasonable to want to exclude the dog.

Exactly, I think the OP is being over dramatic when talking about shivering outside

Yes, you could do … and then she can organise child free meet ups so she doesn’t have to socialise with your bloody toddler or sit in the kid bit of the park and listen to them all screaming and running about.

Never known a park to be full of dog sh*t 100% exaggeration … if not, where on earth does the OP live?!? 😬
And yes, agree, most pubs are dog friendly … they rely on passing trade.

Why? Many people don’t like kids just a many people don’t like dogs.

Where do you live that dogs aren’t allowed in pubs? According to the Mumsnet dog haters no such venue exists.

Friendships work both ways - she should consider that you don’t want every meet up centred around her dog either for those of you saying OP is being mean
. I’m not a big dog fan either although I don’t mind them . A quick message “ hey hun sorry I prefer to so some activities that doesn’t involve the dog areas- I don’t mind the dog but not every time please” then she’ll get message and if she doesn’t organise your own meet ups without dogs .