To not want to go back to my therapist because she films herself crying on Instagram and overshares?

[MossAndGlass]

I saw a therapist quite intensely from 2020 to mid-2021 after estranging from my family. She was genuinely helpful and supported me through a really painful time. Eventually, I reached a place where I felt more equipped to cope and stopped regular sessions. Since then, I’ve only booked the occasional one-off when something major happened.

Recently, I’ve been through a lot and could probably do with speaking to someone again. But here’s the thing, this therapist now runs a professional Instagram page where she films herself crying and shares a lot about her personal emotions, thoughts and reflections. It’s not anonymous venting, it’s direct to camera, emotional footage. And now I just can’t take her seriously anymore.

I respect vulnerability but something about it just doesn’t sit right with me, especially in a professional setting where the focus is supposed to be the client. At the same time, we have a lot of history and she already knows all the context around my family situation, which makes it hard to imagine starting again with someone new.

AIBU to feel put off by this and not want to go back? Or am I being overly judgemental about a therapist showing emotion online?

Wow.

No.
I wouldn't go near this woman again

Nope that would not be for me either. Over the years a lot of psychology content has appear on my reels but that is pretty out there.

Wow.

Suspect her registering body might be quite interested (BACP?). Please note I don't think that registering is mandatory.

I wouldn't be seeing her again. It's a shame because you say she has helped you in the past, but I would not like that at all. In my opinion it's a strange way for a therapist to behave on instagram! There are many other good therapists though, so hopefully you can find one you click with and can help.

I wouldn't be able to go near her after that. I don't want to think of my therapist crying (though I know they do!).
Very unprofessional of her and incredibly poor boundaries.

That would put me off too.
I stopped seeing a therapist once because she gave me her personal number and said I could call her day or night if I needed to.

Completely inappropriate of her. As a therapist she is there to listen to and support her patients as a neutral party. The boundary is completely blurred if her patients also know her deep thoughts and emotions; it completely changes the dynamic from an appropriate professional and patient relationship. I’d definitely find someone else

Awful

I’m a therapist, I saw a post like this on IG recently and was mortified - it’s no way for any grown ass adult to behave online let alone a bloody therapist!

I wouldn’t be able to take her seriously again.

BACP would not give a shit though.

Honest opinion: this is why I don't do counselling. I believe it's an American thing that's got bought over here and has made it's way to "mainstream". A lot of it is quite circular and naval gaze-y and can heal and create more rifts than it eases. And at the end of the day : it's a business. You keep going back, they keep their pockets lined. Most of them, if not all, won't give practical advice or offer an opinion and most of the "work" or theories they employ can be learnt online with the internet era we're in.

I don't think the videos are that bad. So long as she's not revealing clients histories on there. She's probably the type that's very in touch with free displays of emotion. It's literally her line of work.

As a side note : I do think most people that are interested in becoming counsellors (same with mental health workers ) aren't usually the most mentally healthiest individuals.

I'm a bit mental - but was sensible enough to go into a field not in any way related to my crazy head 🤭

I would say it is your decision, if you aren't comfortable with it that's fine. But a therapist is a human, they are allowed to have content online about their lives, provided they don't give client details etc, and many therapists have social media talking about their lives, therapy and mental health in general etc.

A whole range of things, they aren't robots or these blank slates. Would it be inappropriate in a therapy session yes, but she's not placing any of that onto you. Many therapists I know with social media during intake will do a disclosure, say please block me if you want etc, and as the standards change, boards have changed regulations to match. So she's not breaking regulations, obviously I haven't seen the content but in general she's allowed to do that.

It is now more relaxed in terms of having public profiles as long as you are happy for your clients to potentially see and nothing inappropriate is on your account. Regulatory board have still set out rules - not sharing any client info and they have to tell their clients in advance of starting so at intake and they cannot contact or interact with their clients on their.

In the same when many doctors now have public social media accounts sharing things, videos, what I did during my shift etc, my views on x, talking about their training, all sorts tbh. Obviously not every therapist may want to do so and if they don't they don't have to - but it's not a blatant unethical thing as long as the rules are abide by.

As much as this is all fine so is you not wanting a therapist who does this. Therapy is a deeply personal thing, and very much about the relationship and connection, so it is important to get the right fit. Have a look around, do some free 15 minute meets, look at modalities etc, and see how it goes. But I wouldn't judge her SM as a basis for her skill as a therapist, and seeing as she was great before, I'd give her a chance. Or you could bring it up and talk to her about it, it can be very strengthening and also good modelling in a safe environment to pratice these things of talking about why it made you uncomfortable etc. That can give a good chance to see her response and decide from there?

Former therapist here. Also had the misfortune to have managed teams of them.

One of the reasons I am no longer one (although kept my HCPC/BPS registration) is that the entire profession is an unregulated mess. The bar is so fucking low for what is considered professional, appropriate behaviour, the voluntary registration bodies are a mess themselves and have no teeth. I have met some therapists in my time that I wouldn't trust to empty my bins.

YANBU to not want to see a therapist with this sort of social media presence. I'm not one of those who thinks therapists can't be human, or shouldn't use SM at all, but like it or not, if you have a job that involves supporting others with their mental health you can't be presenting yourself online as visibly mental!

What kind of wanker films herself crying and puts it online? Showing emotion in public is one thing but recording it for public consumption is another.

No offence but she’s clearly not a great therapist if you already had “intense” therapy for 18 months and need more sessions on an ongoing basis - you should feel you’re equipped with the tools to go it alone without her support after that.

Agree with PP. In my life I have come across so many people with very poor mental health who need a lot of therapy and enjoy that world and want to become therapists. Why would you pay for the time of someone like that? If they can’t sort themselves out how can they help you?

Spot on. Anyone can call themselves a therapist or counsellor and until they are professionally registered this sort of nonsense can go on. I had to smile at the 'misfortune' comment as I have managed in this field (I am a nurse) and have seen the underskilled, chaotic and entirely variable range of training and practice none of which is properly overseen. Unfortunately a lot of counselling training is heavily focussed on the counsellor themselves, their feelings, their wellbeing, unlike professions which very much focus on the client. That may explain this social media behaviour. I would look for someone else.

this is why I don't do counselling

Me too, at least not direct 1-1. I've found peer support, sometimes informal like on mumsnet, or formally managed by a counsellor, to be invaluable instead.

I think there's lots of evidence in favour of peer support for example for recovering from alcoholism, from bereavement...

You get a range of viewpoints, you get to support others in similar situations. It's the opposite of navel gazing.

Maybe this is something you could look into instead, op.

I completely agree.

My training was systemic (family) therapy, which I did alongside working as an ed psych. It was 4 years, Masters level and quite rigorous, to be fair to them, but registration was UKCP so still voluntary. Later became a manager of a team of counsellors and was horrified to learn that some of them had done 2 years on a Level 4 at college, only 100hrs placement to pass, and they entered the workforce unable to do basic things like a risk assessment, safety plan, knew feck all about safeguarding and felt that all that stuff was oppressive state interference, maaan. Some of them had no idea how to keep their own opinions and politics out of the therapy room either. A few were good, but a good number of them had too much of their own stuff going on and shouldn't even have been allowed to train in the first place.

Not saying all therapists are crap - good ones exist, I have had good ones myself. But the systems and safeguards around the profession are insufficient to keep people from training, qualifying and practising when they are unfit.

I wouldn’t like that either, but if she helped me in the past I would go back. It’s much better to know very little about your therapist’s private life; don’t follow her again.

Ick.

Almost every “therapist” I know, through personal experience, seeking counselling for my child, and every friend I know who has trained as one - they are all completely obsessed with themselves and their own emotions/experiences to the point of neuroticism and/or narcissism.

I’m sure there are good ones out there (I eventually found a wonderful one for my child), but there are so so many bad ones to wade through, I’m not sure I would have the energy to persevere with the search if I was actually in a bad place myself and in need of one.

Mine has done this too, along with other odd behaviour! I don’t dislike the guy but I do question a lot of what he does 🤨

She's not crying in the sessions and she's not divulging her clients confidential info. Yabu.

Very offputting. Something about it seems very self indulgent and I wouldn't like this in a therapist.

Awful. Not to mention thoroughly unprofessional.

Have you checked her credentials? AFAIK just about anyone can call themselves a therapist.