I wouldn’t read in to it too much Op honestly! People will try and make out on here that there is a deep and hidden meaning to it, but at that age, it could just be the fact that his dad lets him stay up later or doesn’t make him wash his face before bed or something banal like that!
Or he may sense your anxiety in trying to get everything right! So chill! 😁
I know it’s a hypothetical situation but many older children opt to live with dad when their parents split and the novelty soon wears off; they get fed up of junk food and having to sort out their own PE kit and come home to mum after a month or so!
It’s who they want when they are ill or distressed that counts 💐
Obviously apologise to your ds for exploding like that and try and count to 10 slowly when responding to him in future! Apart from anything else, it’s not good that he thinks he has that amount of power over you or your emotions. That will be a bit scary for him at that age? But other than that, give him a big hug and forget about it!
By the way op when your son calls you names, does his dad step in and defend you or is he one of these “fun” dads who sits on the fence and acts as referee? Important to nip that disrespectful behaviour in the bud I think before adolescence strikes?
And I sincerely hope there isn’t a daddy’s boy dynamic in the house at your expense! Best to nip that in the bud too if so!
Speaking as the parent of a dd with ASD, it’s really important that his dad has equal share of dealing with explosions and the not so fun bits of parenting and disciplining an nd child. Otherwise, it’s you who take all of the hits and your marital relationship suffers while dad gets to play Mr Popular!