One parent working in this climate - possible?

[Wherethewildthingsar]

parents - mums or if it’s the dads - if you stay at home and your husband works and provides for the household. What is their annual salary? And do you find it helps with having one parent working while having young children?

Op if you can definitely make it work on that salary then I would do it because it was the best outcome for our family when we did it. We only did this knowing DP was then a high earner and I could fall back on my career if anything went wrong as nothing is guaranteed.

What I will say is anyone I know doing it or that did it their partner often the husband was on 100k plus work perhaps a business on the side too which gave them dividends.

I couldn’t make it work on that. On the plus side though, if your DH doesn’t have a career as such, it would probably be easier to go in and out of the job market or pick up some temporary work and your kids are at an age where the biggest expenses are childcare. On that wage I don’t think you’re in long-term sahp territory through. It is a luxury to have someone not working especially once the children are at school.

Dh was on around £100k. He's now on £130k plus and I just work PT now for since the kids have grown up.

I’m a SAHP, though we have a very different financial situation to you and my children are now at school. Yes, it helps my DH that I’m at home - he doesn’t have to work around sick days, sports day, dentist trips or buying the kids a Tudor costume on 24 hours notice because I do it. He comes home to dinner on the table 90% of the time. We have nice weekends because all the housework is done by me in the week. I love it and have no regrets. What I would say is that there’s more to it than just money though.

Is your DH suited to it personality wise- I don’t mean does he enjoy the kids on weekends, I mean is he ok with day in day out thankless invisible drudgery of laundry and cleaning and endless trips to playgrounds in the rain? Does he enjoy spending hours playing pretend tea parties and train sets and making play doh into animals? A lot of SAHP life, especially with preschool age kids, is frankly boring and lonely - and I say that as someone with a decent circle of SAHM friends who I saw most days. Will he have other SAHP to do things with? Will he have friends to do things with away from the kids once he doesn’t have colleagues and will he make the effort to see them?

I know some very happy SAHPs, but I know a few who were miserable and at least one who ended up with serious mental health issues. Plenty of great parents find SAH life miserable - it’s not for everyone.

We manage on 45k after tax in the south 1 hr from London. Not really a choice rather than needs must as we couldn't afford or find the 1to1 childcare my child with additional needs would need, I'd actually be paying to go to work.

It's a very frugal lifestyle and we sacrifice Lots. We've never been on a abroad holiday and holidays we do are very cheap. It wouldn't be for everyone but it can be done. You do need to be a team though and thoroughly talk about expectations and money beforehand. It can make you very vunerable on the other person financially and change dynamics.

It’s not safe for either of you to give up work unless married, if the relationship breaks down the one with no career is in big trouble

To add to this, are there many SAHDs where you live @Wherethewildthingsar ? My DH took shared parental leave after my maternity leave, then worked compressed hours so he was at home with our DD one day a week until she went to school. He was often the only dad at baby groups/ toddler groups/ library rhyme time etc. He was fine as it was only a couple of months at home, then one day a week, but I think it could have been very isolating if he was a full time SAHD.

Also, I realised that during his time at home he wasn’t automatically picking up the minor household tasks (like laundry) that I would have done on my days at home with DD (and he does normally do his share of household chores and childcare, more so than many other men I read about on here!). As it was only a short period, it didn’t bother me that much, especially as he’d do things if I asked. However, if he was a SAHD permanently, that would have been annoying. Think about how you’ll feel if you’re working full time and still have to do the vast majority of the housework, cooking etc.

In our area, we'd need one salary of at least £75k to live the way we currently do but that would be tight. Probably closer to £100k to be comfortable. Plenty of families manage on much less though.

You also need to take into consideration that if one partner earns over the threshold you won't be getting child benefit, and also won't be accruing a pension.

£2.2k a month (you say you earn £30k/ year) will be quite tight, even if you live in a cheap area with low housing costs. Bills and food costs seem to be going up and up at the moment - can you afford a 5% increase in council tax every year, for example? You say you’ve got a fixed mortgage deal for the next five years and don’t have any large purchases (I assume you mean like a car) planned in the next few years. However, what happens if you need to replace the boiler/ pay for essential works to the house like roof repairs/ costly car repairs - can you fund those kind of emergencies on that income?

Our household income is £60k (low for Mumsnet!), and though we live in a city with high house prices, we are fairly comfortable at the moment and can pay for DD’s activities and have occasional days out/ coffees/ meals out without worrying about breaking the bank. We have one DD, low childcare costs as she is 10, and don’t have expensive hobbies or buy designer clothes. However, DH is being made redundant in a couple of months and I know that living on my income only (which is a bit lower than yours - £28k/year) will be very tight for us. I wouldn’t like to do it for a long period of time.

@Han86 I went to HLTA'ing after my last mat leave for a bit. The school definitely took advantage of me as an experienced qualified teacher and I ended up teaching full classes when teachers were off ill (but on HLTA pay). I was supposed to be there as a 1-1 SEN support!