One parent working in this climate - possible?

[Wherethewildthingsar]

parents - mums or if it’s the dads - if you stay at home and your husband works and provides for the household. What is their annual salary? And do you find it helps with having one parent working while having young children?

We saved my wage for the 9 months of pregnancy and the 6 month maternity pay, just to prove to ourselves we could manage without my wage before deciding I'd go back for the minimum time to not have to pay back maternity.
One word of caution -
My "career" in IT was destroyed. But the kids have grown up happy.
Is his career one he can hop back into? Or is life going to change permanently? Are you both prepared for the feelings this will engender.

@Mrsnothingthanks ywah I think it’s reallt
important either way and like somebody else said the parent staying at home would have to really want to. I would be the one working and it would be my DH staying at home as that’s what would work better for us

@ChubbyPuffling to be fair he hasn’t found his niche but gets roles quite easily, however he works long hours and hates not being around as much for the kids. Whereas I have a career so would have more to lose so that’s why it would make sense for it to be him. He’s a great hands on father and has been on leave recently and he’s SO much happier which is also nice to see and has got us talking

My husband earns around that if he reaches his targets and gets his monthly bonus.
There is no way we would be able to afford to live on his salary alone. The cost of everything keeps on rising and you need to factor this in before deciding for one of you to give up work completely. Our food bill is now around £600 a month for example. There are then things to consider as your kids get older such as if they go to any clubs. Mine do scouts which is one of the cheapest options, but have friends whose kids do football academy and things like that which cost a lot more.
Also you say being home will make everyone happier, but that may only be in the short term. The cost of days out is something else you might factor in - yes at your kids ages it is easy to find low cost or free activities but as they get older it becomes harder and a day out more expensive.
If one of you opts out of work now, will it be easy to find another job? I know some people find it easy to jump into something, but personally I have found the job market rather bleak.
I currently work as a TA in my children's school (though they will soon be moving to secondary). This is a low paid job but is term time so no childcare issues and I am there to drop off/pick up. Could either of your jobs be flexible in terms of school hours and maybe that would be a balance to what you are wanting?
Have you looked at funding for your children in nursery? Assuming the 4 year old already goes and is the eldest in the year or is already in school, so only one child to pay for? Also childminders are usually cheaper too and do take funding.

I don’t think you earn anywhere near enough to have the luxury of a SAHP. You need to decide what is more valuable, more time with your children but money worries or less time with your children but the money to have lovely experiences

No I’m in Scotland, but £2k/month doesn’t go far if you’re paying for housing and feeding 3/4 people. I certainly couldn’t do it.

@Han86 i definitely think that’s a possibility, might just be a career change that is needed for him. How did you go about getting a TA job? Yes only one child to pay for, however If he became a SAHD then we wouldn’t have that expense. I get what you’re saying about things getting more expensive the older they get. I think this would only be for a couple of years until both are in school

@Jellycatspyjamas i get around £2,200 a month ish. Like I said the mortgage is on a good rate for the next few years too. I know food and cost of living has gone up but we would still be able to manage. We’ve always been quite sensible with money so don’t leave above our means etc but I think we probably would miss being able to do simple things buying coffee out etc.

Realistically you need to consider how easy it would be for him to find another job. As I mentioned the job market is bleak, as so many companies making redundancies and cut backs. Even the local supermarkets don't seem to recruit so much now they use self checkouts.
Obviously this depends on where you live, but I know where I am it's really hard.

A lot of 'school mums' work as TAs where I work. So I guess having a child at the school gives you some knowledge of the school, plus parenting experience. I do have a background in teaching so I do have that, but a lot of colleagues have no specific qualifications.

£2200 a month really isn't a lot. As I said, our groceries are on average £600 a month. Then factor in a mortgage (even if you are on a good rate now), council tax, mobile phones, gas, electric, water rates (this is where ours are extortionate) and any subscriptions you might have (netflix, Amazon). Then you have all the one offs (which you may pay monthly) such as various insurance, mot, car servicing. Birthdays, Christmas.
Also you need to consider what savings you have. While you mention having a nice car, and have no big spends planned, what if something unexpected happened - new boiler? Car breakdown and needs major work? Will you be able to continue to save if you stop work?

Also while you say knocking coffee on the head will save, unless you both buy coffee out every day this is not where money gets eaten up..it is definitely the bigger things and life will become very miserable if you find you can't afford any treats (ask my husband, he tells me I am the coffee police after I questioned him recently on always wanting a hot drink anytime we go anywhere 😂).

Although it would make our current life so much easier, I wouldn’t consider giving up work as I think the money is so important for their future.

All I read about now is how young adults can’t afford to move out, let alone buy their own properties. So I’m happy to work to save for their future.

I found a really good compromise is to work part time and have a day off or a few hours where the kids are in nursery to get things done.

So many variables - the income of the person, the outgoings, the number of children, the cost and availability of childcare and/or family help, the expectations of individuals, the relationship itself and its stability, the career type - how harmful will it be to take a break.

When I did it for a while it meant:

No car
No holidays
Minimal discretionary spending - second hand clothes and toys, gifts were activities/outings

Damage to my career
Becoming default parent, elder carer, house cleaner, cook, gift organiser
Stress and boredom at times (like all work)

It was worth it though - so many great memories of when my children were small (well videos/photos because I can't actually remember)

@Han86 thanks so much for this insight, really really helpful! We definitely don’t want to become miserable - so perhaps just some more flexibility with DH’s job might actually do the trick. Coffee police, love that 😂. There is something about getting in the car and driving to get a hot drink though haha!

We managed it on a more modest salary because we bought our house with a deposit just under 50% which means our mortgage payments are manageable. Neither of us have expensive tastes and there were plenty of free or very cheap activities for preschoolers available locally.

It’s a nice luxury to have, although obviously it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. If it’s only borderline financially viable then there will be a lot of pressure. You both have to be 100% on board and have the same attitude to saving/spending.

It’s worked for us largely because there is enough money for us not to have to make any sacrifices. We’re far from superyachts-and-private-jets levels of rich, but we’re well off enough to privately educate the dc, have a lovely standard of living and not to be affected by COL.

Me taking on all the mental load of the child rearing, being able to go to all the school things, pick up sick children within ten minutes, manage tradespeople and house maintenance etc has freed Dh to focus his mental energy on his company, work crazy hours and to travel as necessary, which he fully and vocally appreciates.

That’s not to say he never sees us or doesn’t participate - he’s actually very hands on. When the dc were little and then at primary school, he stopped work at teatime to cook for us all, spent the evening with us, bath time/bedtime etc and then the laptop would come out again and he’d work till midnight.

We have always been completely supportive of each other’s roles, which is key, but the bottom line is that there is more than enough money to oil the wheels.

I think you’re stretching £2,200 quite far tonne honest. It’s not just making ends meet monthly, are you able to save on that whether it be for birthdays, annual costs or having a safety net for when the fridge breaks down. I’d also not underestimate being able to grab a coffee or buy ice cream on a day out - life can be pretty miserable when you’re counting the pennies. Do you have decent sick pay at work if you were to fall ill? There’s very little give and you’d be relying on one income without a lot of capacity to save.

When my kids were younger having a part time job that was very flexible made life easier but I wouldn’t have stopped working entirely. What about your DHs pension? Will he claim child benefit to get his NI contribution? Would you be topping up a private pension for him? You’re both in a vulnerable position of your relationship breaks down - him because he has no income, you because he’s the primary carer for your kids. No one wants to think about it, but relationships can end.

@Iocanepowder i get where you’re coming from, however i never had a helping hand from my parents and it has enabled me to be very driven and achieve things off of my own back. We are already putting money into isas for our kids however we won’t be handing things to them on a plate. Most youngsters now days don’t know about budgeting and sacrificing. Although the property market is a lot harder I still think it’s very much possible.

I was a SAHM when DH was earning between 80-100k. We live in the south, so not the cheapest. We were comfortable though, nice house, two cars and a couple of (usually UK) holidays a year.

If your going to do it, then now is the time. But just be aware that it gets harder as they get older and also all the funding cuts makes things harder too to fill a day for the stay at home parent - lots of playgroups I took my children to when they were little no longer happen, we had a pass for soft play which has now closed down, the library used to do multiple events but now barely do any apart from bounce and rhyme for little ones (which I see they are also advertising for volunteers so is probably at risk of not happening too), the local cafe with a little play area shut down, so did another one that opened after.
So in your budget you need to think realistically what your husband would be doing with the nursery aged child and whether they would get bored (the parent) of a day solo with no adult interaction.

I would advise against becoming a TA currently. The pay is horrific and more and more is being put upon you. TAs now often expected to teach / cover full classes etc.

I mainly stayed at home from having my first baby till my youngest started preschool. I did do casual work in the evenings and weekends, just to make me feel a bit more connected to the adult world and for a little bit of money.

I now work pt and only earn a little. I'd say we're pretty comfortable. Dh earns more than me but is not what I would call a high earner for the area we live in (near London). We don't have endless funds and we only have a small house, but we could have that paid off tomorrow if we had to, due to dh being quite good with savings and investments in the past.

I do think it's doable. I didn't choose to stay at home, (my office closed down when I was on mat leave and we were all made redundant), but in hindsight I think it was good for us. We don't have any family help whatsoever, so kids would've been in ft nursery from very young which would've been expensive and possibly not the best option for at least one of my kids.

Don’t forget pension contributions. We have become more aware and obsessed with this as we’ve got older! Do not neglect them. It’s easy to ‘park’ that thought when the dc are little as not a pressing priority, but it’s essential they are part of your financial planning and if one of you isn’t working, the other needs to cover it.

Depends on school. As a TA (and a qualified teacher) I have only ever covered for a teacher once when they asked me so they could go view another school (they were on a fixed term contract). The only negative in my school is being moved around to support 1:1 children which is hard as we have quite a few who are not able to access the classroom, are non verbal, can be physical (bite, hit, kick) so if you are moved to cover someone with one of these children it can be a long and challenging day.

@VenusClapTrap I think pension contributions for the SAHP are a 'nice to have', like savings rather than essential - they will receive NI credits whilst they are on child benefit.

On the salary the OP is talking about I don't think there is room for it.

We could if I worked full time and DH stayed at home, my wage would be circa 100k and likely to climb in the next few years… but it’s not just the net money at the end of the month to consider but things like job security, pension contributions, one’s own sanity! As it is we both work part time, joint income is probably about £120k and I realise we are extremely fortunate to be in this position.

I didn’t have things handed to me on a plate either.

But we now have a more serious CoL issue where the reality is that young people cannot afford the same things even if they work through studying etc.

A very basic example is that I was able to pay for my own uni accommodation and living costs because my maintenance loan covered it, and through working. My understand now is that due to rising costs, maintenance loans don’t even cover accommodation, let alone anything else. So it’s not about handing out things on a plate, it’s about being realistic that they will need a lot of financial support.