I'm so unhappy in my job. Made a huge mistake.

[latishia6]

I was in a job I really enjoyed but it didn't pay enough for me to live comfortably. I saw a job come up that on paper looked amazing. Working for a small charity (I was already working in the charity sector) in my area of expertise. I applied and got it. It paid a lot more (7k, which is a lot for me), and was a step up. I'm perfectly capable of doing the job, but half of what I'm doing is not in the job description. I'm basically looking after a system for data recording, which I knew I would have to use, but I had no idea based on the JD that it was going to be me actually managing it. I've been doing it for 7 months now and just hate it. It confuses me, I'm useless at it, I have ADHD and it has made it so much worse. I'm so anxious and dysregulated and I just need a different job. I feel tearful all the time and burnt out even though the workload isn't enormous, because the brain power my job needs is enormous for me. I am searching for jobs every day but there's just nothing that allows me to work remotely, which I need as a lone parent to a disabled child. I feel so stuck and sad. I feel like it would look terrible on my CV to leave a job so soon (if I can find anything). Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did you cope? Did it take you a long time to find a new job? I was close to quitting the other day out of a pure madness moment but thankfully didn't.

With AI coming on in leaps and bounds, perhaps you could look into systems that do some of the data management aspects of your job for you. I also wanted to add the DWP Access to work scheme might help you, since ADHD qualifies. It takes ages to sort out an application but there are options like support workers, equipment and work coaches.

It’s fine to leave a job after a few months honestly - just be honest in your cover letter for example to a new role that it sadly wasnt for you, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Can you go off sick for a short time to allow yourself a bit of recovery time? Don’t despair. The other thing you could do is speak to your boss about the stress you feel and see if there’s anything that could be adjusted to help you.
lots of luck xx

Honestly you can look about and go now. I once left a job after 2 months because I was lied to but I gave a lot of notice because the new manager was lovely. I never even mention it on my CV now.

I think there is strength in knowing what isn't for you or you could just gloss over this as a career break?

OP I really feel for you. I have ADHD and some areas are just no-go for me - as you say, they just take up much more brain - not power exactly, but energy, than for other people. I will never not be anxious doing them because I know I can't keep the required focus, so every day could be the day I bring the whole system crashing down.

BUT this is not your fault! You didn't apply for this job - you applied for the job in the advert.

You need to talk to HR (if they have one) and say that you have ADHD, you would never have applied for this job if it had been made clear that you would have to manage this system, and (basically) what are they going to do about it?

I think they will be rightly aware of appearing to discriminate (even if only through incompetence) and if you are calm but don't back down they will find a solution.

If they are a very small charity (have worked at some, they can be horrendously chaotic especially if set up by a nightmarishly incompetent vanity-project founder who still works there) there might be limited scope to move to a role that you're more suited to. But that is their problem, not yours.

If it looks like this is the case you should make it known that you are open to leaving with a glowing reference which specifies a year's employment even though you will be leaving now - and 3 months pay. Not for the free money but because it will definitely take you this long to find something more suitable.

If they start to mutter about 'still within 2 years' make sure you point out that this legislation does not apply to situations where disability discrimination could be in play and that it's an unfortunate look for a charity to go to tribunal where this is the case.

I am currently 3 months into a job that makes me lose the will to live everyday- I knew after the first week but thought I’d stick it out to see if it got any better- the job is not as described. I think when you know you know- listen to your gut.

Despite worrying about how it would look to leave so soon, I have an interview lined up for tomorrow so that proves they weren’t overly bothered about the timeline of my previous employment and in my previous interviews no one has ever asked why I’m leaving my current job or a career gap I have- it’s all about what you’ll bring and how you are suited to their job (although I do have an answer ready just in case!)

I left my previous job after 5 months. I was worried, as I'd been out of work for 16 months after redundancy (to be fair, I hadn't looked hard all of that time.) I've been in my current role just over 10 months and just been promoted. It was about 38% payrise (for basically the same role,) fewer hours, no on-call, and a far shorter commute.

As long as you don't make a habit of short-term roles (unless you're a contractor,) it should be okay. But as everyone else says, do see if you can improve things while you can, and then you can stay until you find another job.

Can you speak to you line manager about it & explain you just can’t get your head around the system. Just to see if someone else can give you training and in a way it may make sense? Just as an option before you decide to leave.

What in the AI

Thanks everyone. I do worry I job hop a bit. My jobs have been for 4, 1, 2 and 3 years (or thereabouts), but each move has been for progression, from 18, 22, 29, 36 and now 40k a year, so none have been totally lateral moves.

I’m a consultant actually. I built my career my over stretching myself every time I move. I came from working class unemployed roots and now I earn about 125k.

“the obstacle is the way” is a fundamental
of stoic philosophy. It would do you good to be familiar with it.

I've got a SEN kid, ADHD, Autism. The obstacle is the way.

@latishia6 https://amzn.eu/d/14e4Oxf

Hating your job will make you unhappy, unwell, unsociable and unengaged. It will ruin not only the time you spend at work, but the time you spend at home with your family, or anything else you do.

So the question isn't whether you should leave, but how you leave.

If the question comes up in an interview as to why you're leaving the new job, be honest and make it a positive.

"What I like most about being a whateveritis, is the people. Interaction, engagement, knowing I'm making a difference to people's lives. My current job was billed as that, plus some management of the system. In reality, the computer bit takes up most of each week - and that's not how I can contribute my best. In fact, I'd like to talk about your expectations of how I'd focus my time in the position we're discussing. Is it a people-centred role?"

Your advice was so random though, 45 minutes after bedtime? What does that even mean? I'm a lone parent with a disabled child, I'm not working after my work day ends. ADHD services - have you seen the state of them? You can't just ask for a chat because you're struggling at work. My workplace also aren't going to suddenly implement SQL or power bi over their current integrated systems. I appreciate you're trying to help but the amount of stuff you've just suggested is just a bit random. I think what I really need is a new job.

Definitely sceen shotting this! Thank you!

Sorry if what you wanted was for everyone to tell you how bad you have it and you should leave and get an easier job, you should have said so.

progress, achievement, comfort - measured through being able to provide for your self and your child and giving you both stability and security - does not come through sitting at the back and letting life happen to you.

it happens by grasping opportunities, turning obstacles into successes, pushing through.

yes I know full well the state of adhd support in the uk. I assure you you can get round that as well. It’s hard. It takes effort. The rewards, in this case likely medication that helps, is worth it. If you have a diagnosis you can go to the GP and ask for some methylphenidate, they will likely refer you. You wait. Or you pony up £1000 and get a private Psych and walk out with the drugs today.

you can ask work for adjustments
you can ask work for training
you certainly can do training in your own time at lunch or before work or after.

or you can quit and sit at the back.

Alzheimer’s Society currently has a few home based roles advertised, if you wanted to stay in that sector.

I'm on an 18 month waiting list for medication. It's dire. I will get there.

I didn't ask for sympathy but I didn't ask for a motivational speech either.

And really, I can't do training outside of work hours. Not with a disabled child. I really, really can't.

Thank you, I'll have a look today. My step mum has early onset Alzheimer's so it's very close to home!

I can echo this.

I am on an 18 month waiting list for titration.

thats literally what you need.

You can skip the waiting list. You just need to pay.

yes you can do training of some sort, of some level, even in your situation. You can do 20m a day.

It is much faster when done privately.

I can only speak for Elvanse which my son uses. As regards titration, you will probably get started with the lowest 20 or 30 mg dose with a week's worth or longer. If it does not have any effect, increase the dosage by one step and see if that works. The maximum is 60 mg per day,so you are still far off from the maximum. The drug leaves your body in 24 hours and is non-addictive. If it does not work, just don't use it or lower the dosage back down. You can increase or lower the dosage as needed on a day-to-day basis. Of course your psychiatrist will say to be done under his/her supervision. Then book another appointment. My son's psychiatrist done teams calls so it is quite easily arranged.

On days when my son needs full focus e.g. exams, he uses the highest dosage. On other days such as weekends, he does not medicate. On normal days, he uses around 30 mg.

My son got his meds within a month of booking with the psychiatrist.

Since you are earning good money, don't bother with the NHS. Check whether medication works for you with a private psychiatrist before quitting.

40k doesn't go that far when your rent it £1200 a month plus other bills. I don't have the savings to pay privately. I don't think 40k is that good as a lone parent. When you have another income on top of it maybe.

No job is worth damaging ur mental
health. Keep looking and go asap. It happens to us all at one point in life. Keep going u will get there.

If you quit, what is the like salary of your next job? If you go back down to the level of your previous job i.e. 7K lower, it is arguably worth it to spend the 1K for the diagnosis and drugs if it helps you to keep this one.

I saw the effect of medication on my son. It is like someone flipped a switch. He thought he was stupid but he wasn't. He just lacked dopamine. His self-esteem is back and he has control over this time and tasks. I appreciate it may not work for everyone in the same way.

Ok, I should not say this. My son knew the drugs would work even before he was prescribed because his friends gave him some to try. It is pretty common in this generation of kids to be medicated for ADHD. Half his friends seem to be.