Crohn’s urgent need using the cubicle with baby changing

[KittyCoo]

I’ve just come back from the hospital to visit my nan who’s had surgery. Unfortunately I have Crohn’s and got caught short. I had to dash and the nearest ladies happened to have the baby change cubicle inside (the cubicle nearest the door) Then some lady came in to change her baby (not a problem) and I overheard her having a go at me for using it as she wanted to change her baby in that cubicle and I think at the time the other two cubicles without facilities were available so I could see her frustration. . What’s got to me was she had her husband with her and there were facilities in the men’s too so he could’ve helped out!!!!!! I’m not saying her need was more important than mine but it’s just people are quick to judge. AIBU, should I have waited another millisecond to the next cubicle but there becomes a point where it would be been too late!!

This really gets me
I'm a mum, I had a baby, sometimes changing were quick, sometimes you get a blow-out and they take ages. I was a carer to disabled parents - they can sometimes be quick and sometimes be slow.

At the end of the day, if you are a parent and can wait for another child to be changed, then you can wait for a disabled person to go through the toilet. If you are a disabled person and can wait for a disabled person to go through the toilet, then you can wait for a baby to be changed.

If you can't wait for these things stay home.

It’s not as simple as saying “if a disabled person can’t wait they should stay at home” what you are basically saying there is that those with bowel and bladder issues should never leave the house

YWNBU to use the cubicle, but I don't see how she was having a go - she might not have even realised there was a baby change in that cubicle and thought there wasn't one at all.

@justbecauseyoucandoesntmeanyoushouldx it said baby changing facilities on the door of the ladies and gents

You say ‘her husband could have changed his nappy’ and ‘she could have changed it standing up in the cubical’… well, maybe he wasn’t the Dad and therefor felt uncomfortable, maybe baby is fussy for mum, and maybe she couldn’t change in the cubical because she it would have been to tight, she has a bad back, the baby may be prone to diarhea etc…

My point is, you’re making a judgement of what she could have done at face value, the same way she did about you. The same way most people do. You weren’t unreasonable in using the closest cubical, and you know that because of the circumstances. But we all make snap judgements, try not to let it get to you.

It’s really difficult, my DH has colitis and has a card which he shows and has had to do so when queuing, but not so easy when you are already in the toilet. Unfortunately people not in this position don’t understand.

But she wasn’t having a go at you at all. She was just saying it was annoying the baby change was in use. I don’t know why you think this was personal.

Did she have a go at you? Or just say ‘ugh no baby change’? Did they leave and find alternative facilities or wait? Could have just been general conversation/ frustration at having to find somewhere else? Unless she waited and saw you she wouldn’t have known you weren’t changing a child. And it takes more time to wait for that than someone going to the toilet. I wouldn’t worry the situation was urgent, you didn’t deliberately block the facility.

@KittyCoo please can I send you a message? Just wanted to ask a bit of advice if I may? Xx

Was her husband in the women's toilet area (as in did he come into the queuing and hand wash area of the women's?) If so they're beyond unreasonable for that!

@AnotherDayAnotherStart no I heard him outside as she opened the door, I don’t think he came in!!

@JH0404 @user4534@WigglyJigglee @SleepingStandingUp @Overthebow i get the impression she was annoyed at me because I said in a PP, there was a cafe nearby and the only people there were mysekf, my cousin, the toddler, the husband and the mum so she probably gathered Id been missing.

What you heard was a woman just expressing an opinion of there being no baby change, which is nothing like and far from having a go at you.

Had she of had a go at you face to face then yes, you may of had a point to your post.

To suggest that she could have changed a toddlers nappy while they were standing is an odd thing to think, you've no idea whether the nappy was just wet or full of poo.

Always get one what?

Helping out and equally parenting mean the same thing, no need to dissect that

Sure they do. 🙄

Except that according to the update the poor woman just explained “ahh no baby change” lol

op I have a sister who has crohns so massively sympathise but is it possible you’ve read too much into it? Sounds like she was just moaning about crap facilities

You’re overthinking it, all she did was say she was annoyed as there was no baby change. If you were in the cubicle she didn’t have a go at you.

Not sure if you have DCs but my DS is 18 months, walking and if he’s had a poo I need to lay him down to change him, by the way.

No I'm saying it is up to them to organise themselves to wait for the loo. Even in a world where

1. EVERYWHERE that public toilets, had a baby change separate from the disabled loo.
2. No-one who could do what they needed to in a standard toilet ever used the disabled one.

There would still sometimes be a wait for the toilet. It is not the job of some other person who is maybe struggling to use the loo themselves, to hurry up just because someone who "can't wait" needs it. So they need to organise waiting (maybe wear a pad, like I do because I know that I can't always go the second I need to).

If all she said is ‘ugh no baby change’ then I think you’re being over sensitive. Also stop with the judgement of her husband not changing the nappy.

But you’re obviously within your right to use whatever cubicle you want.

Why should OP?! She isn’t the toilet police

YABU because having a minor non directed grumble about the change station being occupied is NOT having a go at you.

Also, just because you heard her talking to a man doesn't mean he was the father!

This.
as someone with BAM it’d be a bloody site less embarrassing and horrific if I was wearing nappy at point I had an attack.
i go around with whole set of clean clothes, a collapsible bowl, wet wipes and god knows what if I’m out and don’t know I can’t get to toilet as and when I might just need it within minutes.

I have a toilet leash in effect that affects my life.

yep, babies can’t sit in dirty nappies for a long time , but an extra 15 mins doesn’t make much difference to most as a one off.

this is purely about parents putting their needs above those of anyone else.

ignore. You don’t have to explain. It’s literally tough shit 😱🙄🤣

Because the woman isn't psychic. So what might look like selfish, thoughtless behaviour had a good reason; the OP really couldn't wait. Same way if I need to skip a toilet queue I politely explain that I'm terribly, it's an emergency, could I possibly skip ahead. If we don't communicate our needs to other people how are they supposed to understand them?

Then equally, her expressing irritation that the baby change wasn't available is not the same as "having a go at you".

You weren't in the wrong but this is also such a non-issue.

Do you wear a pad for faecal incontinence? All day every day “in case” you need it? Is this what you are advocating to 100s of 1000 of suffers with bowel conditions that have sudden flair ups that can’t be predicated. We all walk around with nappies on?

you dont sound like someone whose ever had to deal with faecal incontinence of the diarrhea type..no nappy or pad is going to hold that in.

yep, I wear pads for urge and stress urinary incontinence as many women do when they get to menopause unfortunately. Yep, I can make sure I go to loo when I see one, and ensure I don’t wait till it’s too late. For a pee.

But many bowel conditions it isn’t same thing. Think periods. No control or with minutes warning. I have been caught out in ways that have been embarrassing humiliating and distressing. Believe me, for everyone sakes, this takes precedence over urinary leakage

I for one won’t be donning nappy and leaving the house…people would see that bulk in by trousers etc. and it be restrictive and uncomfortable to walk in . You’re expecting people to go into work like that?

And do you really want to stand in a loo queue beside me also waiting when I am doubling over in pain, defecating diarrhea and vomitting even if I’m wearing a nappy?

really , your response is just lacking any real insight into how horrendous these conditions can be

And, before you answer, I waited 12 years to get a diagnoses …whilst I vents like these are now rare since taking meds, many people are struggling to get diagnoses and treatment. No chance of any access to disabled toilets without a diagnosis.