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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the charity shop lady’s comment about my 3 year old was a bit rude?

78 replies

pontipinemum · 26/10/2025 16:26

EDIT IN ITALICS

Yesterday DS (3) and I went into the local charity shop.

While I was looking at something another lady came in with her baby in a pram. It’s a tiny shop so she was standing right beside me. The shop owner was chatting to her.

The mum looked a bit tired and frazzled, maybe a bit down too.
I asked how old the baby was (she said 2 months) and said “what a beautiful little baby, DS do you want to say hi to the baby?” He got shy and didn’t say anything, no big deal.

Then the shop owner said “they’re too young, he’ll only be interested when he can get something from her.” She absolutely meant it in a 'men are only after women for one thing sort of a way'

I didn’t say anything. Just felt like such an strange/ rude thing to say about a 3 year old. Like she was implying boys only care about what they can get from girls.

I know it will have gone over his head right now.

AIBU to think that was a weird comment? She has said some off things to me before about 'weird' names people gave their children. Name that are not weird at all.

OP posts:
LillyPJ · 26/10/2025 16:52

You cannot possibly know what she 'absolutely meant'.

PGmicstand · 26/10/2025 16:53

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 26/10/2025 16:49

Ew. What a gross thing to say about a baby and a three year old. Can only assume she's really pissed off with her husband right now and is projecting.

Unrelated but IME charity shop ladies always say weird and wonderful things. I work very near to a row of four charity shops with a greengrocers in the middle and I often browse after work. The ladies always seem to be either chatting to each other about how much they hate their DILs or saying odd things to me.

The one bloke that works there is nice but always bows to me and calls me ma'am.

Maybe there's something in the air.

I'm a "charity shop lady" and I don't say weird things about my DH or my DC or other people. I may compliment someone's hair, nails, clothing, or offer help.

I do agree that there are a lot of odd people in shops though.

tuvamoodyson · 26/10/2025 16:55

pontipinemum · 26/10/2025 16:38

@inks @Luxio I do get what you mean and maybe it is a 'me' problem. But it wasn't just the words it was the way she said it, with a sort of knowing gesture and emphasis on “when he can get something from her”, made it very clear she meant it in a sexualised way, like he’d only be interested in girls when he could get something out of them.

It's hard to describe in words.

@BallerinaRadio it being in italics doesn't make it fact, it makes it easy to spot where I updated the OP.

Show quote history

She didn’t mean that! See? It’s true!

LillyPJ · 26/10/2025 16:57

PGmicstand · 26/10/2025 16:53

I'm a "charity shop lady" and I don't say weird things about my DH or my DC or other people. I may compliment someone's hair, nails, clothing, or offer help.

I do agree that there are a lot of odd people in shops though.

Show quote history

I don't think any 'charity shop lady' I've encountered has said weird things. And I'd say there are plenty of odd people everywhere - including on MN!

Original poster
pontipinemum · 26/10/2025 17:00

@tragichero no I'm not going to make a complaint. I will let it go.

@Anyahyacinth no I really don't think she would be mortified at all.

@AliceTheCamelHasTheHumpSoGoAliceGoBomBomBom I thought - until my 1st edit I got it all out in the OP. Maybe not. DH didn't think I was over reacting and he is a pretty easy going sort. I think I'm pretty easy going too.

Looks like I am wrong on this one, OK. But tone etc can change the meaning of things.

Take the word hello. It can be a completely normal, everyday greeting. It can be excited — like when you see a friend and go “helloooo!” It can be loaded — “he-looo.” Or it can be curt — “hel-o.”

It’s all the same word, but the tone completely changes the meaning.

OP posts:
MrsDoubtfire1 · 26/10/2025 17:00

There are bitter and twisted people in this life. She sounds like one of them.

NormaSears · 26/10/2025 17:00

Avoid charity shops in future, @pontipinemum .
They charge £500 for Gorge at Tesco t-shirts or Shein pyjama tops and are owned by sexists.

Fayaway · 26/10/2025 17:01

BallerinaRadio · 26/10/2025 16:34

So because it's in italics that means it's now fact? 😵‍💫

Show quote history

Bold italics and underlined too!

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 26/10/2025 17:01

tragichero · 26/10/2025 16:43

Are you thinking of challenging her over it, or making a complaint?

(I don't think you should by the way. I think it was an attempt at humour that went a bit flat. Plus, she gives up her time to staff the charity shop, which is a nice thing to do and should be respected, even if she is a bit socially awkward).

If you aren't thinking of taking any action, best thing to do is let it go and not let it ruin your day.

Plus, she gives up her time to staff the charity shop, which is a nice thing to do and should be respected, even if she is a bit socially awkward).

Not necessarily. Most likely she is, but people are also often given charity shop work as community service.
My sexually abusive step dad had to do it for a month for drink driving. Until he got kicked out and sent elsewhere for making gross comments to female customers. True story.

winnieranran · 26/10/2025 17:02

Are you the lady who has beef with the charity shop lady looking at her son? I remember a post very similar to this. What do you want to happen? Get the lady fired?

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 26/10/2025 17:05

I’m just here to précis 15 years of Mumsnet threads about charity shops and say that while I can’t speak for this particular one, charity shops do seem to attract an above average proportion of people who are a bit socially awkward or difficult.

Jan039 · 26/10/2025 17:08

I immediately got your interpretation OP, not sure why others can't see it. I imagine it's all in the tone.

She is obviously bitter about something, she probably has good reason for it - but aiming it at a three year old is very odd.

Original poster
pontipinemum · 26/10/2025 17:10

@NormaSears I know, sure they are all out to get us......

@Fayaway I did it in bold and italics because a fair few people had already commented and I thought it was an easy way to see what the edit was.

@Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar I'm sorry to hear you had a step 'dad' like that. Unfortunately I can 100% relate.

@JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch There is another 'main stream' charity shop in the town and it is a very different 'vibe'. This is a 1 off charity shop

OP posts:
ladyofshertonabbas · 26/10/2025 17:11

Yanbu but I would shrug it off and put it down to her being a weirdo.

stubbedit · 26/10/2025 17:11

Guessing the OP knows ‘coz y’know … she was there.

I have had many interactions where you know exactly what someone means by a flick of the eyebrow or whatever.

It’s a gross comment OP but I’d just forget it. Some people are just weird!

Newname71 · 26/10/2025 17:13

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 26/10/2025 17:05

I’m just here to précis 15 years of Mumsnet threads about charity shops and say that while I can’t speak for this particular one, charity shops do seem to attract an above average proportion of people who are a bit socially awkward or difficult.

Our local one had a woman who walked around town with a snake round her neck and effed and jeffed while working in the shop too!
She was very odd. Bumped into her in a local cafe once, DS (about 5 at the time) was skipping out and she stood up at the exact time he went past her table, bent down and hissed in his face “behave yourself” I politely asked her not to speak to him like that. She said I’m just telling him to behave himself. To which I replied “well dont” she kept eye contact with me glaring at me as she slowly walked out 😂.

oviraptor21 · 26/10/2025 17:13

Agreed with latest posters. Definitely think the meaning is as OP states.
Gross thing to say about an innocent child.

MummaMummaMumma · 26/10/2025 17:13

This is bizarre that you felt that's what she was implying.

Username2151 · 26/10/2025 17:27

If the charity shop woman is, shall we say, overly interested in the people of the village and the things they say and do etc.. and if she has said things that are similarly in your opinion weird, and has also been rude enough to criticise the names that children have been given by their parents, you could very possibly be right about the implication behind the thoughtless comment she chose to say to you about your son.
I think if it had been me, I would have looked at her and said "that's a very strange comment, what exactly did you mean by saying that"?

Borethefuckoff · 26/10/2025 17:28

This is a you problem!
No one but you would see it like that! She clearly meant, babies are boring at that age to a child the age of yours.

I think you need to give your head a wobble!

sussexman · 26/10/2025 17:37

pontipinemum · 26/10/2025 16:26

EDIT IN ITALICS

Yesterday DS (3) and I went into the local charity shop.

While I was looking at something another lady came in with her baby in a pram. It’s a tiny shop so she was standing right beside me. The shop owner was chatting to her.

The mum looked a bit tired and frazzled, maybe a bit down too.
I asked how old the baby was (she said 2 months) and said “what a beautiful little baby, DS do you want to say hi to the baby?” He got shy and didn’t say anything, no big deal.

Then the shop owner said “they’re too young, he’ll only be interested when he can get something from her.” She absolutely meant it in a 'men are only after women for one thing sort of a way'

I didn’t say anything. Just felt like such an strange/ rude thing to say about a 3 year old. Like she was implying boys only care about what they can get from girls.

I know it will have gone over his head right now.

AIBU to think that was a weird comment? She has said some off things to me before about 'weird' names people gave their children. Name that are not weird at all.

It seems unlikely that it was meant the way you have taken it, but if that is how you feel, you can shop elsewhere.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/10/2025 17:41

susiedaisy1912 · 26/10/2025 16:28

I think she meant older children or siblings are only interested in interacting with babies when the baby can respond and interact with them back. I wouldn’t read too much into it.

That's what I would take it to mean.

stubbedit · 26/10/2025 17:44

Borethefuckoff · 26/10/2025 17:28

This is a you problem!
No one but you would see it like that! She clearly meant, babies are boring at that age to a child the age of yours.

I think you need to give your head a wobble!

There’s definitely a trend for this on here. Someone says something rude or inappropriate, post about it and everyone turns it around so that actually no, they weren’t rude and you’re the one with the problem.

I know because if the woman had posted AIBU to think this woman just has a filthy mind everyone would say YABU, can’t believe you said that.

It is just part of the ‘give an OP a hard time’ thing that prevails on here; it’s tedious beyond belief.

Tontostitis · 26/10/2025 17:45

pontipinemum · 26/10/2025 16:32

I've updated the OP in Italics. No she absolutely meant what she was implying.

She kept talking while I was looking giving out about pretty much everything in the village.

No she really didn't and you should consider why you want so desperately to think she did as it's really quite odd

Nopenott0day · 26/10/2025 17:47

I hope you warmed up before that stretch