Cant decide wether to relocate or not.

[Sheldonsheher]

Please no judgy comments! I am aware that situation is of my own making. I moved from London commuter belt to Edinburgh in 2020 part of the WFH Covid diaspora. I had agreement but as now established this is legally not worth much( as no contract change). I moved due to domestic abuse to get away which worked. I am a single parent. One send. Primary school. Work is increasing pressurising to relocate back. Small possibility I may be able to hybrid but this is challenging would need childcare which I’m not sure could find. Or should I relocate back and maybe they let me wfh a bit more but obviously with current political climate can change. I’m in public service I won’t say which one ( too outing) but it is a service you can work everywhere. However I’m a bit niche. Could look to change jobs but likely that would involve daily commute or even having to move areas. I am quite a high earner so would be a loss to loose this work. Should I just move back to London commuter belt change schools? Disrupt kids again. Or be poor? freelance? I’m in my 50s but kids are primary age. Is there a really obvious solution because I am really confused.

Hi OP,

I would say obvious solution would be to change jobs. Presumably life is a bit cheaper in Edinburgh than London (I know it’s not the cheapest place either) but could you not take a bit of a salary hit if essential?

Or ask if you could do something like come down one week a month. But not sure that would help you.

Do you have support anywhere with kids? Assume they don’t see Dad? What about other family/ close friends?

It does suck but I guess the key is to remember it wouldn’t have been possible before.

i am a single parent and limited family help. So I can’t offer much of a compromise. I can’t leave send kid for a whole week or anything like that. The government is freezing/ cutting funding at the moment - and I am quite niche area so not many suitable jobs here when you actually look closely or would involve commuting or relocating locally.

Can you not do something less niche for a bit less money though?

One idea, but could you speak to the accommodation offices at the universities in Edinburgh to see if there are any students you could have as a lodger? You might be able to come to an agreement of much cheaper rent in exchange for some childcare. Edinburgh is so expensive I bet you could find someone it could work with?

Put in a formal flexible working request and ask for WFH?. I did this and only go to the office once every 2 months.

Not really I have done the niche thing for 20 years. I’m in my 50s now so I’m not sure I can or would get anything comparable. As I said I am a high earner so it is hard to replicate anything similar.

No I can’t have a lodger I don’t like even talking to other people much.

I have tried flex but they are being pretty hard lined about it they may offer a hybrid model but so far not a workable ones for single parent.

If you are that niche would your current employer really be happy to lose you? Might be worth exploring how much they really won’t let you continue WFH

It looks like you’ll need to move back if a step-down financially isn’t possible otherwise.

As you work in public service you should have a trade union rep who can help you navigate this?

I would stay put.

Yes they are happy to loose me because they are a large public organisation where Bureaucracy wins over logic quite often.

If you move back will your salary remain the same , do you have the potential further your career there in the future ?
If your dc are of an age where they can have an input , what are their thoughts ?
Would you move back to the same area , same friends or try elsewhere ?

No I don’t have friends there.
Would move to a new area a bit further.
my expectation they would allow me to wfh if nearer with limited on site but this is the risk as cultures change. I only need less than 10 years to retire and a public pension. Main concerns is if send child is excluded from school can’t get the care. I become ill no backup in an emergency.

I’m at the top of my career if you like coasting to the finish line.

DC say they don’t mind but they might find it hard it was quite hard coming this way 5 years ago. Main worry is send child as they may struggle if the schools are strict his current school is very nurturing.

Could you book in with a career coach who might be able to suggest side way moves, maybe jobs you haven't considered and might also still be in public sector? Worth a try to keep you where you are currently especially with your DC's school.

I can work for private sector freelance but would loose my pension benefits and some job satisfaction.

If you're a high earner could you afford a nanny? Friends here have used them for older SEND kids where other school wrap around and holiday/sickness cover childcare isn't an option. Also, why not try a formal Flexible Working request? At my workplace we tend to encourage being on site but if we get a formal request we usually have to uphold it or be more flexible and meet in the middle. Your rights only kick in if you make the request formally - definitely get advice from a union if you have one.

Yes I have tried the flex they are offering a meet in middle but not one I feel I can do I can’t leave my children for days. Emotionally I can’t. Also the expense accommodation travel and a 24/7 nanny if even possible this is not an option.

Also a nanny costs 50k a year or so. I am a sole earner so I pay massive tax ( esp Scotland) and would be not worth it I guess, I would be better in a lower paid job.

Sounds like you are going to have to make a compromise somewhere OP. Personally I’d avoid relocating the kids again and go for a different job

Are you currently renting or would you have to sell?

If it’s the latter, you can string it out for a couple of years. I’m presuming the housing market is bad where you are.

I wouldn’t give up a high salary or pension.

It just means you’ve really got to do your groundwork when you need to search for a school.

School days are over in the blink of an eye, and you need to avoid a lifetime of financial struggling. But that’s my opinion.

Well I have to sell but there is a deadline on a finding a solution they will not care about if I sell my house before or not.

I agree with PP that union rep is your way forward. Make sure you have all the discussions about you moving to Edinburgh in writing saved. Calculate how much it will cost you to move back. Get your evidence about the impact on your SEN child of changing schools. Even if they want to let you go over this, it would take them a long time as they will have to go through the full process. I'm willing to bet they will lose interest once HR starts looking at what it will take to get rid of you. Public sector is usually extremely reluctant when it comes to letting people go, especially once it is complicated as it is in your case.

How much time do they want you to spend in the office in London?