Cant decide wether to relocate or not.

[Sheldonsheher]

Please no judgy comments! I am aware that situation is of my own making. I moved from London commuter belt to Edinburgh in 2020 part of the WFH Covid diaspora. I had agreement but as now established this is legally not worth much( as no contract change). I moved due to domestic abuse to get away which worked. I am a single parent. One send. Primary school. Work is increasing pressurising to relocate back. Small possibility I may be able to hybrid but this is challenging would need childcare which I’m not sure could find. Or should I relocate back and maybe they let me wfh a bit more but obviously with current political climate can change. I’m in public service I won’t say which one ( too outing) but it is a service you can work everywhere. However I’m a bit niche. Could look to change jobs but likely that would involve daily commute or even having to move areas. I am quite a high earner so would be a loss to loose this work. Should I just move back to London commuter belt change schools? Disrupt kids again. Or be poor? freelance? I’m in my 50s but kids are primary age. Is there a really obvious solution because I am really confused.

I would not relocate simply for an employer if you are happy where you are now and your kids are doing well.

Moving/selling/buying are very expensive as well.

The obvious solution is to find a more local job or a job that offer WFH.

Don't tie your entire future to an employer that lacks flexibility. Remember that employers have no loyalty to their staff and you might not be employed with them long term anyway even if you were to relocate.

Suggesting a whole week in four but this js not feasible for me. I though maybe I can manage a day

Have you actually made a formal flexible working request?
Are you offering to meet them in the middle eg 3 days per month?
Fly down Monday morning red eye, back Friday. Yes it would be expensive to pay for childcare but to avoid moving or losing your pension etc it's probably worthwhile.

Absolutely no I can’t leave my kids for a week . I just would not with a stranger and the cost of the travel accommodation child care and nanny would make it not worth while.

If you haven't made a formal flexible working request, do that. Also, involve your union. Did your work agree in 2020 in writing that you wouldn't have to attend the office?

She’s said a couple of times she’s already made a flexible working request

Yes I have the union and the flex requested rejected and the compromise offered unworkable to send single parent, yes I have it in writing. They don’t care about that.

Standard advice

Save all communications on a non work device. Insist on communications in writing or with an independent rep.

If you are in a union approach them

With a sen child, I personally would be reluctant to force change. I would:

• make my position very clear in writing and why unreasonable (with professional advice)
• continue to work to your position and let them take the next action.
• they may relent or you may be able to claim constructive dismissal
• meanwhile keep an eye on local job market for anything suitable - tap anyone you have worked with especially those that joined private sector.

Best of luck.

Have you done all the calculations for the options that you think are viable (i.e. anything that works for childcare)?
Calculate the difference in your pension scheme if you stop paying in now vs. in ‘less than 10 years’ - you won’t lose the pension you will just lose whatever the additional years buys you (e.g. in my pension scheme I’d lose 7/80ths of my career average salary if I stopped paying in 7 years earlier than planned, but I’d still get the other 33/80ths that I’d already earned/paid in for). Take into account what you’d be able to save in a private pension under a different employer to offset against this loss.
Calculate the cost of travel and childcare for whatever local or slightly further afield options you think you can make work with childcare.
Calculate the cost of relocation - solicitors, agents’ fees and stamp duty.
Calculate net pay for the various options (if you’re a very high rate taxpayer, you may find that a big decrease in salary makes less difference than it initially appears?)
Once you’ve worked out all the actual numbers, you might find it easier to make a decision - I suspect that you’ll find that staying where you are and finding a somewhat less well-paid role will actually be the financially more logical option as well as better for your children, but you won’t know if you don’t do all the calculations properly.
What you can’t do, but it sounds like you are at the moment, is hold out hoping to be able to wave a magic wand and have everything stay as it is now. You’re looking for all the problems for why people’s suggestions won’t work rather than looking for a solution that is the best outcome in this current situation. It’s sad that this solution to your problems 5 years ago has now hit a stumbling block, but you’ve had 5 good years and got out of a terrible situation. There is no perfect solution, only the best compromise.

It sounds like you've explored all options. Your work is frustratingly unreasonable especially if they'd let you work from home if you lived nearer (what's the logic in that?!). You mention possibility of freelance. Sounds like that may be the next best option despite loss of pension. Your sen child having a nurturing school that is working for them is worth it's weight in gold.

Sorry you're in this situation.
Possibly worth stringing it out for as long as you can though in the meantime to maximise your employer pension contributions.

“Your work is frustratingly unreasonable especially if they'd let you work from home if you lived nearer (what's the logic in that?)”

This is what I think too my colleague who lives nearer is allowed to wfh.

If I moved it would probably be Cambridgeshire but this would only work if they let me wfh. I guess this is not guaranteed as agreements are not to be trusted it seems. My main concern is if I were to become seriously ill or accident or something then I have no one to look after children like I do here. I don’t have regular help here but I do have emergency back up.

1. You need legal advice on the wfh situation in view of Custom & Practice and the context of them saying you could wfh more if you lived nearer.
2. you need to do the sums on pension/salary cut/reduce hours to resuce income tax and afford more childcare or emergency childcare as required. I assume it's a DB scheme with final salary or average of final x years or similar?
3. not sure if 1 child, who has SEN? Or >1 children of which has SEN. Either way there is there no significant variation in provision for education/support/availability of relief childcare in the different areas at play? Is university an option? Scotland and England big differences of funding.
4. where are you best able to build your village? If your DC will be reliant pn you beyond 18 where will you be content to live?

Thanks I’m not sure about the schools and this is the main issue. My send child needs a lot of help and I’m worried they will find it hard. Alternatively they say they have no friends here so maybe it will not affect them either way it’s very difficult to predict. I suppose if moved I need to move before my other Dc starts high school. Wish someone could tell me what to do. This is the issue with being a single parent you have to decide yourself.

I really feel for you. Yes it is very hard making all the decisions yourself. Could you possibly go to London twice per month but travel down one day and back the next? You would only leave your kids one overnight per fortnight? I’m aware that might be utterly impossible, just trying to think of alternative options.