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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop buying for godson?

42 replies

aslkdfjh · 26/10/2025 01:53

He’s six and I have known his mother since nursery. Three of us have stayed in touch since school. The third friend has a five year old DD and one year old DS and lives in Spain.

I realised when DGS was about four that it was getting to the point that I only seen him or his mother when I dropped his birthday or Christmas present off. I resolved to hand over all future presents only when I seen him or his DM.

I don’t see third friend a lot because she’s in Spain with two young kids. DGS’s mother lives 10 minutes away. It was DGS’s birthday in July and his present has been sitting in my house since then. I’ve tried to arrange lunch or dinner with my friend, his mother, twice, but she’s cancelled and not rearranged. Friend in Spain’s daughter was five last week and I sent a present via Amazon.

Friend in Spain has posted on social media her daughter saying thank you to me. DGS’s mother has commented ‘lovely! [DGS] still waiting for his gift from Auntie X’.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Fandango52 · 26/10/2025 01:58

I mean this kindly, but why are you still friends with his mum (other than the fact you’ve had a long friendship)?

It honestly seems like she doesn’t bring much to the friendship other than expectation of you giving her DS presents.

Perhaps you could drop this present around for her DS? And then from now on, rather than initiating contact, only contact her when she contacts you?

notthisagain2025 · 26/10/2025 01:01

Move on from them. I have seen people do this before, rope people into being Godparents to get gifts for their kids and make sure they have a free babysitter and etc.

You're not obliged to see them or give them gifts when they have no part in your life other than them expecting material things from you.

Ignore the comment and move on from them

Original poster
aslkdfjh · 26/10/2025 01:02

Fandango52 · 26/10/2025 01:58

I mean this kindly, but why are you still friends with his mum (other than the fact you’ve had a long friendship)?

It honestly seems like she doesn’t bring much to the friendship other than expectation of you giving her DS presents.

Perhaps you could drop this present around for her DS? And then from now on, rather than initiating contact, only contact her when she contacts you?

We do have a long friendship and I am not needy with my friendships. I am happy for weeks or months to go by and then pick up where we left off (but also have friendships with people I speak to and see several times a week or month).

But yes, it grates that I hardly seen her other than to hand over a present. That said, on the rare occasions I do see her,I thoroughly enjoy her company.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 26/10/2025 01:18

"DGS’s mother has commented ‘lovely! [DGS] still waiting for his gift from Auntie X’."

That's positively an invitation to respond 'Well I’ve tried to arrange lunch or dinner with you a couple of times but you cancelled both times'.

I would.

NameChangeForThisQuestionOnly · 26/10/2025 01:21

If you’re willing to post a gift to a child in Spain who you don’t see often, you should also be willing to post (or drop off) a gift to a child near home who you don’t see often.
You’re mixing up issues here - you are annoyed/frustrated about your friendship (with the mother) not being how you want it to be, and you’re taking that out on someone else (the child).

Decide how you want this to play out. Do you want to maintain the friendship, even if the friend regularly cancels? Are you getting anything from the friendship? Just because you’ve known each other a long time doesn’t mean you have to maintain the friendship if it’s become one-sided.
Also decide what being a godparent means to you, it’s different for everyone. If the friendship with the mother drifts, is it still important to you to maintain a connection with the child? This might mean dropping off gifts when you don’t see each other, in the hope that when he is older he will want to build on the relationship with you. Or it might mean you end gifts and all effort completely and free yourself of the obligation.

Rosiedayss · 26/10/2025 01:27

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/10/2025 01:18

"DGS’s mother has commented ‘lovely! [DGS] still waiting for his gift from Auntie X’."

That's positively an invitation to respond 'Well I’ve tried to arrange lunch or dinner with you a couple of times but you cancelled both times'.

I would.

This.

Nestingbirds · 26/10/2025 01:37

Rosiedayss · 26/10/2025 01:27

This.

Show quote history

This in spades.

She is being so cheeky. I don’t think you are mixing up two issues. If she is just using you, as it seems, to provide presents, but not friendship then op will never have the opportunity to build a relationship with her godchild.

I would reply with this too. Leave the present where it is. I wouldn’t buy any further gifts. I would have an honest chat when you finally see her again. Assuming you do. Maybe she has problems she hasn’t been able to share so far, but if not I wouldn’t want to continue with this arrangement.

Gilgogirl · 26/10/2025 01:51

Block and ignore

Linenpickle · 26/10/2025 03:17

She’s a cheeky entitled cow!

verycloakanddaggers · 26/10/2025 03:36

I think you're taking an argument with the parent out on a child.

You signed up to be godparent, I think sending a token gift at Christmas and birthday is the done thing.

It's not the child's fault you don't see them, they are not in control.

Ooopsyididit · 26/10/2025 03:46

The mother of my God child had a family member who was unhappy they werent asked to be GM, very big deal in their culture, seems almost prestigious. So she made a big drama and My GCs mum started acting weird (family pressure apparently) but I kept on being there for my GC, presents yes but also collecting from school to spend time with my DCs to build a bond. And now a few years later we are super close, if you want a positive relationship with your GS then separate it from your friendship needs, and spend time with him. Its worked really well and I am happy I put GC first.
Go with how you feel, presents aside what do you want to be to him as he grows up?

notthisagain2025 · 26/10/2025 05:00

notthisagain2025 · 26/10/2025 01:01

Move on from them. I have seen people do this before, rope people into being Godparents to get gifts for their kids and make sure they have a free babysitter and etc.

You're not obliged to see them or give them gifts when they have no part in your life other than them expecting material things from you.

Ignore the comment and move on from them

And no, you're not arguing with anyone, not taking anything out on anyone or conflating any issues.

She's just using you, and that's that. So don't let her and move on.

RandomMess · 26/10/2025 05:18

I would reply with laughing emoji “I’m still waiting for you to travel the 10 minutes to collect it or actually meet me for the lunch I arranged”.

gottamoveon · 26/10/2025 06:11

I think her comment is really rude actually. It’s all about the gift and not the relationship she has with you or her son. I would actually just cut my losses and move on from the friendship

MouseCheese87 · 26/10/2025 06:27

verycloakanddaggers · 26/10/2025 03:36

I think you're taking an argument with the parent out on a child.

You signed up to be godparent, I think sending a token gift at Christmas and birthday is the done thing.

It's not the child's fault you don't see them, they are not in control.

There's not much OP can do for the godson if the friendship with the mum is over. Realistically, the relationship with the godchild is also over.

Left · 26/10/2025 06:31

OP do you have children, and do they buy for your children?

I’d probably reply they he’s only waiting because his mum cancelled plans to meet up.

But long term I’d wonder about the direction of the friendship.

Tourmalines · 26/10/2025 07:25

She’s cheeky for saying that . You tried to organise to see her twice but she declined and never made any effort herself to go see you . You are the GP and it’s not just on you to always make the effort . Surely she would want to initiate a relationship with you and her child if she held you in such high esteem as to be godparent. You would think she would encourage the relationship . I don’t see any point in an obligation on your part to just be a person that comes and drops off of a present. Is that all she wants you for ?? No way .

Neverflyingagain · 26/10/2025 08:20

She's way out of line saying that on someone else's post. I'd block and ignore it. Send godchild an evoucher in future?
Godparent duties are really tricky. I was frozen out by the parents of my godchild after my ex, who was their friend, and I separated because of his affair. For a while I took birthday and Christmas gifts, handed them over on the doorstep as not invited in. At Christmas I was buying for their sibling too so they didn't feel left out.
Then I moved away. I still sent gifts via post for the first two years. No response. Nothing, not even a Christmas card. I gave up after that. We now buy for the local children's charity using the money we would have spent on the godchild and sibling.

PussInBin20 · 26/10/2025 10:08

I don’t understand why you would send the present to the child in Spain but not your GS when you don’t see either of them.

I would knock the presents on the head. Seems a bit ridiculous when you don’t really have a relationship with either.

Mydadsbirthday · 26/10/2025 11:05

Your friend is really cheeky and rude, actual grown ups do not post passive agg comments in public on social media. This is a friendship deal breaker for me - honestly do not know anyone who acts like this.

KathyDuck · 26/10/2025 11:22

That is so rude. Reply and say was expecting to have it over on one of the lunches that you cancelled. Oh well, maybe next year Smile

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/10/2025 11:25

On the other hand, the birthday was in July and you have only tried twice to meet up.
Why not now just post the present.

Btowngirl · 26/10/2025 11:45

As a parent with 2 young children, she is being unreasonable. I would not dream of saying one of my kids was waiting for a gift from someone! On the contrary, they are being taught not to expect them. Never mind the fact she posted it online, what a looser. I think it’s nice the other friend made the effort to make a video for you but I don’t get why she didn’t just what’s app the video to you? All sounds like there is an agenda to me tbh and I wouldn’t be bothered with a friendship like this.

Gothzilla · 26/10/2025 11:50

‘lovely! [DGS] still waiting for his gift from Auntie X’

Perfect opportunity for you to reply to that social media message so it’s out there for all to see with ‘well I have tried to meet up with you but you keep cancelling!'

Lurkingandlearning · 26/10/2025 11:53

If you are still fond of her why not just ask her if she realises that you no longer see each other, other than when you go to hand over gifts. That’s a horribly one sided friendship.

She may have been so busy that it hasn’t actually registered with her.

But for me friendship doesn’t work that way. I want to be in contact and meet up with my friends because it’s a pleasure to do so. It’s one of the things that brings me a bit of joy even when things are pretty hectic. I want friends who have the same mindset. I certainly don’t want to be kept around with bare minimum effort because I’m useful.

I wouldn’t stop spending money on my godson because his mum wasn’t as good friend as she had been because I would still be godmother. If I was only ever going to see the friend to hand over gifts, I would start sending vouchers/ links in greetings cards.

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