To stop buying for godson?

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He’s six and I have known his mother since nursery. Three of us have stayed in touch since school. The third friend has a five year old DD and one year old DS and lives in Spain.

I realised when DGS was about four that it was getting to the point that I only seen him or his mother when I dropped his birthday or Christmas present off. I resolved to hand over all future presents only when I seen him or his DM.

I don’t see third friend a lot because she’s in Spain with two young kids. DGS’s mother lives 10 minutes away. It was DGS’s birthday in July and his present has been sitting in my house since then. I’ve tried to arrange lunch or dinner with my friend, his mother, twice, but she’s cancelled and not rearranged. Friend in Spain’s daughter was five last week and I sent a present via Amazon.

Friend in Spain has posted on social media her daughter saying thank you to me. DGS’s mother has commented ‘lovely! [DGS] still waiting for his gift from Auntie X’.

AIBU?

I don’t have children.

I don’t think it would be reasonable to expect a friend in Spain to fly over for lunch.

I stopped buying for my godson. It got to the point that my friend had cancelled on me so many times I decided I wouldn’t try to arrange anything again and just left it at ‘let me know when you are free and want to catch up’. Heard nothing further and she took to putting £20 into my bank account on Xmas and bday. And so I did the same (sent cards with cheques) which seemed really pointless. This year I stopped - I moved house a year ago and have had no contact so I just stopped putting the £20 in a card and sending it. And she’s done the same. It was time to let go.

Agreed.
One of my close friends is single, happily childless, late 50's with a hugely successful career.
She has said No to being a godparent to more than a dozen people including siblings that she is not close to, nor lives near.

Her sole god child is that of a tremendous friend who has always been there for her for 50 years, long before she scored the big time 20 years ago.

She has happily insisted on paying for their university education and she is her heir, with a gift to her nephews and nieces.

She didn't want lots of godchildren.
She takes the role seriously, always has, and wanted it to be something that meant something to her.

Your friend is soooo cheeky with that post. Post back “you keep cancelling our catch ups.the gift has been here waiting!” And leave it at that.

she is rude
respond to say
you are welcome, it is here waiting for you, i would like to see you both

surely the point is you are a god parent
it is about your relationship with her ds not her

No it wouldn’t be reasonable, but that’s a pretty petulant response that ignores the point I was making. You’re withholding the child’s gift because your friendship with the mother isn’t working.
Give the child gifts, or don’t, but don’t make the gift-giving conditional of how often you see the mother.

This is a good suggestion, I think.

Am I to be sending a child I don’t see two gifts a year forever?

No - of course not. I totally understand you’re feeling hurt and upset though 🌺

If I were you, I’d drop off the gift for your godson, as you’ve bought it already - maybe with a note saying you’d love to catch up with your friend. If friend doesn’t reply, I’d just leave it and stop sending presents.

No, not if you don’t want to. It’s entirely your choice! How much does the child mean to you?
I send regular gifts to a child I’ve only met in person a handful of times because they live far away. That child is important to me, I intend to have them be a part of my life permanently. I don’t give gifts to plenty of other children I see regularly because that wouldn’t mean anything to me or them. Only you can choose how important this child is to you, and how much being a godparent is worth to you.

It depends on how invested you are in being this boy’s godmother. Just call round with the gift or post it. Moving forward, it’s up to you. Personally I’d still get something if it was my godchild. Not sure what the relevance of the friend in Spain is.

Like others have said, I think you're muddling the two issues.

You need to decide what you want. A relationship with the child and his mother - which, at the moment at least, the cost of admission seems to be gifts - or you don't.
You seem happy to send gifts to the child in Spain, for which you get a fb post thank you. If the "thank you" is the important bit for you, then you have to weigh it up with how much you want that acknowledgement versus the relationship.
If the relationship is the most important, I'd just drop the present on their doorstep in the next few days, with perhaps a follow-up text.
"Hi X, I've just dropped off the belated present for Child. Sorry it's late. I'd really wanted to see you and hand it over in person over a coffee, but we haven't been able to make a date stick. Please let me know when you're next free to do something, I'd love to see you!"
Then the ball is very firmly in her court. If she replies and you set a date for a outing that she keeps, then all is well. If she doesn't respond, or cancels your date again... Well, that's information for you to use as you see fit.

Remember, it's not the child's fault his mum is seemingly a bit of a user. But after this you get to decide how to move forward.

Her comment was rude and you tried your best. But this whole god parent thing can’t be taken seriously anyway. It’s a snapshot of the parents’ friendship group at the time and this can change quite quickly. I wouldn’t put too much h pressure on yourself as both parties are moving on in life - but she’s clearly feeling a little hurt that someone else’s child seems to be taking precedence over her own. I wouldn’t make a fuss on social media as you’ll look as bad as she does right now, but perhaps send her a DM saying you’ll get something for her child the next time you see her - but don’t make plans to do so.

You're the child's godparent, what you do for the child is not linked to your love for the parent IMO. Send a token gift, write them a nice card, keep the door open.

Who knows what the child's life is really like? They might write back at 18, or 25, or 30. They might not.

If you don't want to spend money, just send the card and something tiny.

But don't break the link with a child because you're angry at the parent. You agreed to be a godparent to the child.

I definitely find the god parent thing a bit weird at times. My partner and I never wanted kids, my partner was pushed by a friend to be god parent to their child from a now ended relationship. He's never had a relationship with the kid and they moved out of the area. He sent a gift card for her every birthday but not now she's over 18.