Upset by nursery comments about 3yo diet

[takethesebrokenwingsandlearntofly]

Am I being unreasonable to be upset? DS 3yo has recently been very fussy. I have an older 7yo DS who has ASD, ADHD and PDA and we have had a terrible year with him out of school for 12 months. I've been fire fighting on every front and I'm so worried I've let my youngest down.

DS has always gone to a child minder but very recently started at a new nursery.

Nursery have said they don't think DS lunches are healthy and I feel so guilty. He is really fussy, has been for 6 months or so. I'm doing my best but he refuses so much food so I've settled on giving him what he will eat.

I usually pack the following:

Half a can of spaghetti hoops (he eats them at room temp)
White roll filled with cream cheese or hummus.
Small yoghurt
Sliced cucumber and or halved grapes
One banana

Is that so bad?

Sometimes I mix it up with an organix bar as he likes these.

For dinner he will only eat toast or a small pizza or cheese pasta. I always give him peas / sweetcorn / cucumber or broccoli with dinner he usually eats some veg but rarely eats it all. He will outright refuse any meal other than these.

I always give him fruit after dinner - orange / mango / watermelon / strawberries - sometimes he eats it sometimes not.

He will eat yoghurts - hundreds if I let him.

He has never eaten meat except the occasional chicken nugget.

Ive tried every variation of eggs and he won't eat them.

Sometimes he will have wheatabix for breakfast or a croissant or dry cereal. He will eat toast with just butter.

He also still has a bottle at bedtime and in the morning, which I know needs to stop but I'm worried he will get even less if I stop it.

Older DS has many issues but generally has always been a good eater and had a variety of foods, often eats what I eat and always has plenty of fruits and veg.

I feel judged and like a massive failure after comments from nursery.

Heinz spaghetti hoops are actually 1 of his 5 a day!

Hoops + Grapes + Cucumber = 3 of his 5 a day.

Tell the nursery to wind their necks in and dont think anymore on it - you have more important fires to fight.

Honestly just apply to your DS what they say about babies fed is best. Your DS is eating it may not be what nursery would like him to be eating but they would be complaining if he was refusing to eat anything at all. It’s hard enough having a child who is fussy about what they eat without someone making comments on it. Just keep doing what you’re doing and ignore their comments.

Op you will get the same nonsense from the school lunchbox police. No qualifications whatsoever. You are doing your best in a difficult situation and you are getting some decent nutrients into him. Consider some vitamins and iron if you can find a preparation you could hide in something he likes.

As others have said we are all a bit ‘yuk’ at the idea of the cold spaghetti hoops but that’s not from a nutritional point of view. Everything else sounds fine. I wonder what the nursery staff feed their DC?

I would offer a "tongue taste" as long as the child was not disregulated but I would not have any element of compulsion for suspected ASD/PDA/ARFID.