To be ill AND have a nice, tidy home

[Incomingwinter]

I’m a single parent with two brilliant kids and a fairly good ex husband who sees them regularly.

Over the past fortnight I have been ill, progressively worsening to a short hospital stay. I haven’t told the ex or children about this as it was at a time when the kids were with their dad so it didn’t affect them (and I hate drama of any kind).

I’m home, on the right meds and being told to ‘rest’. Whilst I completely understand this, the reality of my life just doesn’t fit with this. I am the sole carer of 2 young children. There isn’t anyone else. Yes I have a village, yes I have friends (who also have their own children especially with it being half term this week) but I cannot possibly ask someone to have an additional two children indefinitely.

My main problem is the house. The jobs are piling up and piling up and I physically cannot do them all. All of my systems are falling apart: the kids are running out of clothes, the kitchen looks like Snow White before the animal help, it’s horrendous. I physically cannot cope and I don’t know what else to do. I walk around from room to room crying at the mess. I’ve tried to break it down to the essentials but then found myself cleaning the living room windows half an hour ago (obvs it’s dark outside) and I think I’m losing the plot.

Any practical advice that isn’t ask people for help greatly welcomed. Please don’t tell me to leave the mess. A lovely, orderly, tidy home makes me happy. When it’s not nice, I spiral. Thank you all

Can you get a cleaner in while you’re away?

When I was ill previously, I wrote a list of “essentials” then did one thing and then scheduled in an hour rest/nap.
ie wipe round bathroom. Lie on sofa for 30 mins.
of course depends on your level of illness/how you’re currently feeling but factoring in rests/prioritising should help

I got really poorly back at the beginning of 2020 , probably covid ..anyway I was shattered .
My usual jobs didn’t get done , I was at home and it took about 6/7 weeks to feel anything like normal .
I prioritised the dishwasher being loaded and unloaded plus things put away .
I wiped down the kitchen surfaces and got worst of any mess off the floors .
I made very plain and simple meals or got really decent ready meals and prepped veg / salad.
I kept up with the laundry but of course didn’t iron things .
I regularly changed pillowcases but left the sheets etc for at least 2 weeks before changing them .
i cleaned the loos that was it ..

Do only what needs to be done. Ask your village to do a load of washing each and maybe cook a healthy meal for your dc

It sounds like their father needs to take the DC for a week or two. They're his kids; it's not a "favour".

Can you afford a cleaner, even just for a few hours once a week, for a few weeks?

Failing that, maybe get the kids doing chores? Use a laundry service?

I find it easier to tidy by category. So everything made of fabric gets taken upstairs and put on the relevant beds and then sorted. Put away anything that doesn’t need washing and the rest straight into the machine. Do not iron (this week, at least). If you have a tumble drier, do a wash of tumbleable clothing and make the kids sort their own socks and pants out.

Then make a brew and gather up everything made of paper. Sort through, recycle most of it, be ruthless, and make a to do pile of admin. Look at it tomorrow over another cuppa.

Just seen you’re going on holiday. Please sort the kitchen before then or you’ll just be depressed when you get home.

Where are you going? Do you have clothes sorted for that?

At times like this you need to reach out for help to your most trusted. Explain and ask if they have a couple of hours to help, offer to get a takeaway/get a thank you present in advance. It's true a friend in need is a friend indeed. If any of my true friends asked me i would prioritise them and be more than happy to help.

Same for me, when I needed help to just be available if was needed at the hospital urgently, I asked a couple of good friends and their response was tearfully overwhelming. They would have come in the early hours if needed, wasn't the case but they would have.

Please ask for support. Xxx

@Incomingwinter try to do one job, then rest for 30 mins. Job 2 and rest. Perhaps 3 jobs done for mid afternoon. Then another two done the same way in the evening.
I'm really bad at asking for help, even when I'm very ill.
Postpone the holiday. The kids will survive one ht with home based activities.
You will end up being more ill and for longer if you continue as you are.

Sorry to hear you have been so unwell OP.
I recently got pretty poorly. Already have chronic pain but additional illness and the house and laundry quickly descended!

For laundry in the end I actually used a launderette. It was really helpful because it just got it done being able to put it in a giant machine. It wasn't the cheapest option especially as tumble dried some of it but it worked to clear the worst of the laundry.

Just a quick thought :)

How old are your DC? Once mine were school age, I often found it was easier to have other children over as it kept mine entertained. Reach out and ask. If you feel bad about it and have time off over the school Xmas hols, say you can repay the favour then. When my DC were primary age, in my friendship group we’d often put the odd shout out for help and someone would always offer. Even if it’s just for a couple of hours, you can have a nap. Or just get slightly more on top of the domestic stuff. I’ve also done it for people I don’t know that week but whose DC have been in the same class as mine at school and who I happened to bump into.

Being ill & hospitalised isn't a drama so please speak to your ex & explain what's been happening & that you're struggling a bit. Ask if they're able to have the kids a bit extra so you can take your time tidying the house without the added pressure of caring for the kids during half term. Do a little bit of tidying in one room at a time. Don't over do it though & try to have an immaculate house. Once you're feeling better you'll be able to get back on top of the cleaning etc & won't feel so over whelmed.