Partner just sits there !

[motmilk7]

AIBU ?
my little boy aged 2 can be quite naughty, he hasn’t been diagnosed but health visitor is sure he has autism and ADHD ( not excusing him ) but don’t want to drip feed !
i was breastfeeding his baby sister ( 4 months ) and he’s pretended he’s going to kiss her and then bit her hard, so I’m trying to calm baby down whilst trying to stop him getting to her again and partner ( dad of both of them ) sits there eating his lunch, doing nothing to help ! Then when I said thanks for the help he’s gone all offended and basically whinging it’s taken him 4 attempts to make his lunch - I said yes that is how it is for me most days to which he said “ good “

he doesn’t think ds has these concerns he just thinks he’s naughty and we should MAKE him behave, ds shows signs of not understanding things a 2 year old should is is behind at the moment.

To be honest part of the behaviour could stem from lack of discipline if your partner just sits there & allows it. I guess hes also not modelling good behaviour to him neither.

Thank you for your reply, he’s happy to step in and tell ds off because after I said to him just sit there he then told ds off ( not what was needed he’d already been told off ) partner is very self important he needs to eat he needs to shower he needs to go to his hobby whilst I’m practically drowning ! Then he acts all victim like if I say anything xx

Instead of being sarcastic why not offer advice on what he can do to help in these situations. Perhaps your son is jeaslous of the baby and the attention, perhaps you partner and son and eat together or do something just the two of them when your occupied with the baby.

Another useless fucking man..

@NoUserNameNeeded tried all of that, I’ve also told him how to help it goes in one ear out the other x

Well there's your problem

You have a self important partner, and it's all about him....

Most parents would put aside their needs to tend to the needs of their children first.

You have two choices, put up with it, cause let's face it you have two children and he hasn't changed yet, or leave.

Just don’t have another child.
Are you working?
Do you have access to money?

I’ve got one like this, as well - if nobody has expressly told him something is also his responsibility, and exactly what he is expected to do in a given situation, he’ll completely ignore it.

Similarly, he has quite a rigid view that only one person can be ‘in charge’ at a time, and if he’s eating lunch then he’s not in charge, and 100% focussed on his lunch, and whatever’s going on right next to him is not his problem and might as well not exist.

He’s autistic by the way. It all made sense once DC was diagnosed.

So after me and partner had a chat last night about it all! He’s offered to tidy dd room with her (she’s 8 ) and that he’d take the youngest baby with him and she can lay on dd bed ( high cabin bed ) she’s 4 months and can roll 🙄 ffs I really give up!

Has your health visitor made referrals to the appropriate agencies that can actually diagnose autism?
( ADHD will be from 6)
Portage, community paediatrician etc?

is your partner on the spectrum? After my 2 kids were diagnosed we realised dh is, and I had thought he was just quiet and shy... Its come from his side as his whole family have some issues going on and they said its comes from their side, I have no relationship with my in laws and now I understand why... They were not just mean... neurodiverse, but they can not hold a decent conversation (sorry that is a whole other issue but just wanted you to be aware of this)

Your partner has a cheek re ‘just making’ your son behave when he doesn’t even attempt to discipline him after biting his sibling

Announce that you now have a hobby and dedicate time to it each week (if breast feeding allows)

I always used to wonder why my dh would act like a grumpy/ defensive 5 year old when I had to say stuff to him... its because he is neurodiverse. Lovely guy apart from not being very good at life admin and other things in the executive functioning department, yes its been a difficult time since we had kids, that's when it became noticeable.

Buy condoms.

@x2boysyes and no, she said she’s sure he has traits of both but wasn’t high enough score to refer him so she’s booked him in for another assessment in 6 months time, this was 3 months ago and he’s a lot more naughty etc since if I tell him off or tell him now he just laughs ( very cute and cheeky but so naughty ) xx

@fishtank12345 I think he could quite possibly be ! He’s very awkward in many different ways! He gets very offended when I said ds is showing traits of autism and adhd ! How dare I suggest it if you know what I mean! His family are very narcissistic ! Xx

@TheTwitcher11he says he’d happily have the kids if I had a hobby however I can’t trust him to keep all 3 safe ! Whenever I’ve asked him he’s either left dd on the sofa ( at the age of rolling ) whilst he goes and makes lunch. For tomorrow luckily I heard him in the kitchen and came straight back down and today he wants to put dd on dd high bed ! I wouldn’t enjoy myself x

@FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscarno point or need for them he’s not come near me in about a year !
when I had my first baby week before I had her he asked me if my body would go back to how it was before I was pregnant ( I had a huge huge but oh lovely baby bump which I was very proud of ) but I’ve never been body confident since with him so I don’t make any move x

To be honest @motmilk7 health visitors are not experts. Go to the GP and request a specialist referral. If the GP says no, pay.

The health visitor has no business saying that ,they are not qualified to diagnose ,if she believes there are traits she's doing your son a disservice not referring him paticularly if he has some delays.

Right, because everyone can just "pay" 🙄

Please stop having children with this useless man.

No, because sometimes you have to and you have to find it.

If you lived separately he'd have to step up and you'd have an absolute load taken off.