Partner just sits there !

[motmilk7]

AIBU ?
my little boy aged 2 can be quite naughty, he hasn’t been diagnosed but health visitor is sure he has autism and ADHD ( not excusing him ) but don’t want to drip feed !
i was breastfeeding his baby sister ( 4 months ) and he’s pretended he’s going to kiss her and then bit her hard, so I’m trying to calm baby down whilst trying to stop him getting to her again and partner ( dad of both of them ) sits there eating his lunch, doing nothing to help ! Then when I said thanks for the help he’s gone all offended and basically whinging it’s taken him 4 attempts to make his lunch - I said yes that is how it is for me most days to which he said “ good “

he doesn’t think ds has these concerns he just thinks he’s naughty and we should MAKE him behave, ds shows signs of not understanding things a 2 year old should is is behind at the moment.

Well this is all concerning. So you can't leave because court won't care about what you've said and he'd get unsupervised contact. You'd be in bits.

Check out emotionally. Get all your ducks in a row to leave when the kids are older. Siphon cash into a savings account for you. Plan new living arrangements, and leave when you can.

HIs disdain for you will not reverse but will only get worse. You will survive it if you emotionally check out.

He doesn't want to be seen as a person who is capable of effective parenting because he doesn't want to spend his time doing menial & unpaid tasks which ought to be done by subordinates such as his wife and women in general.
In other words it's strategic incompetence designed to make his life easier and give him more free time to do the things that he enjoys doing, indulging himself etc.

He'd make sure he did a terrible job and put the children at risk in order to punish his partner for leaving him.

No, because sometimes you have to and you have to find it.

If you have an 8 year old together, is this behaviour new since your 2nd and 3rd came along? Had he changed jobs, did he want the 2nd and 3rd? Just trying to figure out if he's already been crap or this is new behaviour.

His family might be autistic too.