Don't have kids you can't afford!

[user793847984375948]

Hi all, this is meant to be an interesting discussion.

I keep seeing people say, “Don’t have kids if you can’t afford them.”

But in the UK, if someone works full-time on minimum wage, the state ends up paying thousands for childcare so that parent can work.
If that same parent stayed home, they would receive less support overall, yet they would be raising their own child hands-on. A single mum can work part-time and get rent and living costs for kids, around 500 a month in support if she works.

Nursery is about 1K a month usually. Then there's the wraparound care before and after school that could also be funded by UC.

So why is one scenario seen as responsible and the other as “sponging”?

Further, do people who say “don’t have kids you can’t afford” actually think only those earning £60k or more should have children, since that is roughly what it takes to cover childcare or a single income? That eradicates the above two scenarios and it's just those with independent wealth

If so, what would that mean for society long-term, both economically and socially? There would be fewer poor people over all and I think this would have an impact on our monetary system and menial jobs getting done.

And if you believe that only the wealthy should reproduce, you are effectively asking rich, white, powerful men to police women’s reproduction.
That is exactly what is happening in parts of America right now.

Genuinely curious how people justify this way of thinking.

PP did not deliberately plan to have 4 children she could not afford. I can only imagine how devastated she was when she found out about her ex cheating, and him deserting her. Her kids would have been devastated too.
Why is your anger aimed at her? Why are you not angry at her twat of an ex who left her alone with 4 young kids... meaning she could not follow her career plans and had to give up her job. She is claiming benefits because of his actions.
It happens all the time on here... it is never the man's fault. It is always the woman. She is gets described as "feckless", "popping out kids" (because it is not the man that is doing that) etc.

I am not the brightest, no, but your internalised misogyny is plain to see. And it is really sad to see.. on MUMSnet of all places.

I don't know why people even care about taxes paying for other people's needs, it's not like taxes would be any lower without it they would probably just spend more on bombs

This brigade looks sad indeed...

It’s bitterness or misogyny, or someone on the wind up as usual. Because how can anyone begrudge a working mother, who’s been cheated and had to separate, who wants to work, but is then unable to?

As if nobody should ever have a safety net for unexpected life events. I genuinely can’t fathom anyone holding this kind of view because it’s just stupid.

I do struggle to understand women who choose to have 4 children and then act shocked and victimised when they end up single mum and can't financially support that many children. 50% of marriages end up in divorce, separation rate is even higher in non married couples, so surely it can't come as such a surprise. Of course everybody think it won't happen to them when they marry, they otherwise wouldn't do it in the first place.

Having fourchildren o more is always going to put any parent in financial risk if they don't have a high paid job and/or family to help. I know a couple of women who did but they had high paid jobs, so even if their husbands had left, they could have supported their kids, although it would certainly have been tough.

As if nobody should ever have a safety net for unexpected life events. I genuinely can’t fathom anyone holding this kind of view because it’s just stupid.

@SlobbinBlob I think the point people are making is that it's not entirely "unexpected"-we'll never know if he'd have still left if they'd had fewer kids (and more time to spend on their relationship) but if he DID leave, the PP would've only had a couple kids to feed and it would've been much less stressful.

What do you want people to say "go ahead and have 4/5/6 kids, you'll manage somehow!" her life sounds incredibly hard, why would you want that for someone if you cared about women?! Just because someone wants something doesn't necessarily mean it's the best thing for her/everyone else.

I’m sorry, but what? I’m commenting on PP mocking a specific poster as I see it. “Popping out babies” and “mrs four kids with no money”.

We have a welfare system to support people because were a civilised country that helps each other out.

That is all.

Why should I be grateful? She's being paid for her work she's not doing anyone a favour.

Btw, the only decent health care I've ever received I've paid for. The NHS "caring" staff are inadequate and have a god complex because of people like you, despite harming me and my family members several times.The way nurses treat patients in UK hospitals is appalling, standing around chatting, being dismissive and actively ignoring patients. Please excuse me while Ielt into a puddle of.gratitude 🙄

I can have as many kids as I want? 🤣 I wanted 4 I had 4. It’s noone else’s business really. I will get back into work as I am motivated and ambitious. As I’ve said previously bringing up my children and their needs have been my main priority. Doesn’t mean I will never work in my life again. I had worked from 13 and then all the way through till my marriage breakdown. Doesn’t make me less of a person because I had to quit my job due to something that happened that was out of my control. Certain users on here need to keep their mouths shut because their opinions and disgusting judgements is what makes single mums feel like shit and feel like they aren’t worth anything. It’s a form of bullying and discrimination. No one knows the ins and outs of anyone’s personal circumstances and shouldn’t be spreading their poisonous and hatred views about certain situations they haven’t got a fucking clue about.

Oh look another one tarnishing everyone with the same brush.

now because lady grey here has had a bad experience with the nhs care that means every nurse and every healthcare professional who works for the nhs have a ‘god’ complex and are dismissive and and appalling attitude. Honestly 🤣

Carry on paying for your private healthcare then. 🤣 like the nurses and staff there give a shit that lady grey thinks that of them. Pah!

Yes, I believe this is a troll account.

Someone is very bitter and angry with the world and I think that maybe it’s because she doesn’t have children and resents that.

OR

Shes also a divorced woman and blames herself for her husband leaving….? 🧐

@Zavettimexico wait what, so it's fine to judge women who had multiple dads for their kids or from one night stands?!

I think everyone has the right to have children and a family, regardless of their income. I think having more than two if you don’t have the finances to support them is irresponsible.

There’s an obviously a middle ground in all this, it’s understandable to disapprove of someone having 4+ kids with multiple partners. But that @No5ChalksRoad poster is a complete zealot, how can you give a woman shit because her husband left her? A few pages back she said she’d dislike someone who had a baby at 16 forever even years later when she got a job..

You know what she means. 🤣

You little whine up!

I can't imagine why anyone would want children to be fair.

Trust me, the ones I sued for negligence that cost me an organ and got struck off do give a shit love 😘

You seem to give a shit too, hardly calm and unbothered are you?

Yes they do, my ex husband and myself both worked full time and was financially comfortable. We paid our taxes and provided for our kids, It was just unfortunate that things didn’t turn out the way we had planned. To be bashed and judged and face disgusting views and opinions I will not accept. Blaming me for being in the situation I am in it’s 100% unreal and laughable. You got to love a few trolls on a thread though! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Proud of you for that 🙌🏻

Don’t mean we are all the same though does it? NO.