Going out while unwell?

[Autumngreen]

Posting for some unbiased opinions, because I really don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not. Sorry for the length, I want to put both sides across.

I have some friends who have arranged an Autumn gathering, approx 8 people, food and drinks at their house at approx 4pm today then walking to a local carnival with parade / fireworks. I wasn’t able to attend last year so wanted to go along this year. My DP has also been invited to come along, I mentioned it a few weeks ago and DP seemed reluctant for various reasons, she has stuff to do this weekend which is fine by me, she also has a dog that can’t really be left, again fine no pressure from me for her to attend, though I did notice at the time that she didn’t seem happy about me going.

This past week I started to feel unwell at work on Tuesday, Wednesday I just pulled through….I manage a team and usually when unwell I’ll just work through from home. On Thursday I logged onto work but after an hour or so i felt washed out and heavy cold symptoms, did a Covid test which is negative…..symptoms have been less severe than flu but worse than a regular cold.

The last 2 days I’ve not done much apart from dozing on and off, looking at my phone and a bit of tv. DP has cooked dinner both days and has been bringing me drinks, medicines, breakfast and lunch completely unprompted which has been really caring of her….however it comes at a cost, she has stated I have not expressed enough gratitude which I have apologised for and when she pointed it out I made more effort to express thanks and gratitude..tbh when I’m feeling poorly I just want to be left alone, but she has been extremely attentive to her own detriment I feel, as she gets so stressed with juggling everything at home with working and the dog (no children) I have repeatedly told her nicely that she doesn’t have to do what she’s doing, but I do appreciate everything and I know it’s how she expresses her love.

Fast forward to last night and I mentioned that I wouldn’t be back late tonight ( not feeling up to a late night out)! and that my friend is picking me up so I don’t have to drive (it’s about 45 mins away) DP got really angry just before we went to sleep, telling me in no uncertain terms that I am NOT going out, and that I have been off sick for the last 2 days and that going out would be classified as gross misconduct! I don’t like to be told what to do, I told her that I would make my decision tomorrow (today) based on how I’m feeling….but she has said that there’s absolutely no way she’s letting me go and that she’ll text my friends today to tell them that. She said she feels taken advantage of by looking after me for 2 days and then me wanting to go out, she feels it’s disrespectful.,

Just to say my friends know I have been unwell and are still wanting me to go…..so AIBU for considering attending?

Agree...and wonder how DP would describe events...I bet this is a very partial retelling of events from OP

The question wasn’t how much of an asshole
is my DP!!!

YABU to go out socialising when you’ve been so under the weather for 2 full days.

YANBU to break up with DP.

Is this your partner or your parent my word I would go with friends n not come back if someone was carrying on like that

Yes, would be interesting to hear the other side.

I'm not DH's parent either yet I've stood up and told him to stop what he's doing and get to the doctor very bossily - which potentially saved his life.

🚩🚩🚩🚩 absolutely not her place to tell you if you can go out or not! I'd be furious

She’s controlling. I hope you went out at the very least and I’d rethink the relationship. Who wants that much work in their life.

She sounds unhinged.

As long as you aren't going to be calling in sick on your next working day, I would go.

Also, I hate it when people make big gestures just to make you eat hunble pie after. It's so annoying. It's never that I'm not grateful for people's actions but a simple thanks should suffice. I'd find your partner draining.

It's amazing how people improve once a night out is involved. That said you should definitely go if you are up to it.

Do you want to go out? Do you feel well enough? If you do, then go. It’s certainly not up to your partner to decide. It sounds like they have tried to look after you while you’ve been unwell, but it’s not a major deal to be making food and drinks for a few days.
Don’t let your friend decide for you either.

You are not being unreasonable for attending but are unreasonable for putting up with that relationship. Sounds like coercive control to me.
Meet your friends and enjoy yourself. She sounds like a v insecure and jealous person imo.

Perhaps the OP has been eaten by the dog… 😧

Wtf you can do what you want.

Good grief. Controlling, and very manipulative. In my work we are not judged for going out if we'd been previously unwell. She's not your boss!!

Imho people who go out when unwell are very very selfish!

If someone put a post up saying 'i was ill and my partner didn't help me and said I didn't ask' we'd all be saying you shouldn't have to ask, that's just what you do for people.

This appears to be a same sex relationship as well so, to generalise, women are far more likely to instinctively provide that higher level of support.

If your partner is ill do you only help them if you ask them to? 'I didn't ask' is such a weird defensive way to react to a loved one taking on the extra life chores and being supportive.

Yeah, very weirdly defensive to say 'I didn't ask for their help'. Don't we all do that for our loved ones when they are ill? And if they had had to ask they'd be pulled down for that too!

That’s not what my comment was referring to though?
Of course most people would support a sick partner by cooking and providing drinks and painkillers. But what most wouldn’t do is use that support as emotional blackmail to prevent someone doing something they wanted to do - like in OP’s case.
Helping a sick partner shouldn’t mean you feel able to dictate what they do or don’t do as some kind of pay back for the support you’ve provided.