Invited friends to my home for lunch but they each want to bring someone else too.People I don't know well.

[Motheroffive999]

As title.
Invited 3 school friends over for lunch next week end.
First friend texted and said they are looking forward to lunch and could they bring their adult daughter too ?
Then this morning another girl phoned and said she has family visiting and can she bring her mum?
2 minutes ago the 3rd friend phones to ask what time we are eating and could she bring her kids aged 14 and 15 ?
Is this normal?

What did you do in the end OP?

Sorry. Re-read thread and realised it is next weekend…

I think it’s so strange they have all asked. Is this on a group chat and you said yes to one so the others asked too? Do you have a big enough table? Maybe suggest meet in a pub instead?

Yes. I think I'd do this... then you can all come and go as you please... and you don't have to cook and tidy up and make adjustments for 8... who knows who else they'd bring on the day!. But make it clear that you are not hosting/paying. Everyone can choose what they want to eat then and pay for themselves.

I don't think they are being CFs necessarily. I think with it being half term, others have turned up, but they still want to see you.

Ask them to meet up with you another time, just the three of you for a proper catch up.

Hope it all works out for you x

It’s always rude.

Playing devils advocate if you have a relation or friend who arrives without warning it would be rude to leave them on their own for an evening

Unlike the majority on here, I am more than happy for friends and family to pop in unannounced if they are passing, but if someone dropped by and I had plans, I would have no issue with saying "I'm just on my way out - do you want to put something in the diary for next week?" or whatever.
If you call by on the off chance, then you will obviously be aware there is a chance the person you call on will be out, or due to go out, and completely understand that.

I am not going to cook.
I am going to suggest a cafe or postpone , it is really stressing me out.
It's my home , not a drop in centre , I have also decided that I won't be inviting any of them again.
I get really stressed at social occasions and as they are old friends I feel comfortable , but I just think it is rude and inconsiderate for them to fill my house with people I don't really know.
I wouldn't dream of doing this to someone else.I told my husband that the numbers had doubled for lunch and he said tell them it's rude.🤣.
He also said that he knew that I would do extra cleaning and buy more food than needed.

Exactly , because we wouldn't be able to talk about the usual stuff in front of her , she would be horrified.

I wouldn’t suggest a cafe @Motheroffive999 , I’d postpone.

I really don’t know why this is stressful. You literally just have to say no. If they are your friends, they’ll understand and if they don’t understand, well, then you know where you stand.

You are 100 percent right it IS rude, completely inarguable. I am a pretty good facilitator, I can blend different social circles and find something to chat about with each person and make sure nobody is left sitting there, but it is WORK.

People on here will pretend otherwise and try to minimise your concerns, but it is actually often difficult to get different personalities and people who do not know one another to relax and have a nice time. And then YOU do not get to relax and have a nice time because you're the facilitator.

That sort of thing is fine if that's what you want and expect, meeting new people, a dinner party to introduce new groups or whatever, but that is NOT what you wanted and that was NOT what was on offer. You are not obliged to be a totally different human being to suit other people, or pretend not to be uncomfortable in your own home.

I will say that they were probably being thoughtless and careless rather than outright selfish, but that doesn't make it any nicer for you.

You are 100% right and they are 100% wrong. It is very clear cut. You're right to do whatever suits you.

suggesting cafe or postpone till a day when they’re all free is a good idea.

These people are weird and rude. You're right not to cook for them!

I really don’t know why this is stressful.

Really? How odd!

Agreed.
I would find such a complete lack of even the most basic manners annoying and stressful.
I wouldn't dream of hosting again.
Postpone and it would be a cafe meetup next time.

The poster means the fact that it has to be dealt with, not the fact of the people inviting themselves over or the concept of hosting a number of people

The op could just say no, it doesn't have to be stressful or complicated

Why not.

But she is not you and many people do find drawing boundaries against friends who have been unexpectedly rude stressful.

So depending on personality this kind of situation can be stressful and complicated to other people.

Saying "Have you tried not having those feelings and being like me instead?" is rarely helpful under any circumstances.

Completely agree - no idea why you would need to impress a friend's mother - no idea why that would even occur to someone.

What’s your point?

It’s pretty rude to ask if you can bring your own guests to someone else’s house.

Simple answer is to message everyone back and say that the date is unsuitable as everyone is busy with visitors/ families, so you’ll reschedule for a date when everyone is free.

Asking to bring others to lunch in your own home is not normal in my expierence.
Ive often had friends bring friends to a lunch appointment/ evening out to an external venue and thats worked well and Ive made new friends over the years this way.

I'd be sending a message saying that you need to reschedule. When you do reschedule maybe meet in a bar or cafe.

I agree. Postpone (but cancel entirely in reality).

“Look guys, this get-together has ballooned somewhat and I don’t really feel up to hosting 8 people. Can we find a date when everyone is less busy with family?”