Invited friends to my home for lunch but they each want to bring someone else too.People I don't know well.

[Motheroffive999]

As title.
Invited 3 school friends over for lunch next week end.
First friend texted and said they are looking forward to lunch and could they bring their adult daughter too ?
Then this morning another girl phoned and said she has family visiting and can she bring her mum?
2 minutes ago the 3rd friend phones to ask what time we are eating and could she bring her kids aged 14 and 15 ?
Is this normal?

''Sounds like you've all got a lot going on. Probably best to take a rain check and rearrange for another time when we can have a proper catch up. Feel free to suggest some dates''.

Or something similar.

I really couldn't be arsed with planning a girlie catch up then ending up hosting kids and Mums I don't even know.

Sounds like quite a nice get together actually, everyone feeling comfortable enough to bring their families 😅 I'm quite laid back tho and enjoy meeting new people. Although not denying it does add pressure on you to host/extra costs & effort for food. It's quite surprising they've all asked to bring additional people, it's not very common. Your house, your rules and if you're not happy with it then suggest arranging another time or to meet out as everyone else has family commitments too. You can be honest and say as there's 8 people now that's just a bit too much to host, so let's go out instead. It's not targeted at one person then.

I think their requests are bizarre tbh. Why would Friend 1 bring her adult DD with her, for example? I’ve got an adult DD and it wouldn’t occur to me to invite her along to a get-together with my old friends (unless they were all bringing family members).

As for the 14 and 15- year-old, they’d probably much prefer to have lunch at home together, don’t you think?

I’d follow @gamerchick’s advice and reschedule. Perhaps I’m a grump but I rather like seeing friends without my family in tow!

No way, just say in a group chat that you didn't realise everyone was so busy so you want to make it another day.

"No, I'd rather you didn't - it completely changes the dynamic"

"Not really, I'm only doing lunch for 4, not 8"

"If it's no longer convenient, then we'll make arrangements for another time"

Very weird!

Say, "Oh, no, sorry, not this time. This is meant to be just a small intimate lunch with just us old friends."

I suppose it may be "normal" to invite others, but that doesn't mean it's not rude.

They should never have asked you, it's extraordinarily rude of them. Besides which, the lunch changes from being 4 old school friends to those friends plus a mother, plus an adult daughter plus two teens. That's never going to be an easy mix, especially if you don't all know each other in the first place.

Just no.

All three of them did, that’s a weird coincidence. I’d just say, maybe another day.

Unless your.known as a great cook or host or something

I’d group message - not sure if you’re all aware but you all seem to have other company you’ve asked to bring along, we can still meet up just in a cafe if you’d all like but I just wasn’t quite prepared to host for 9.

‘It looks like everyone is busy with guests and family over the weekend I suggested for lunch so I will reschedule to another weekend and add a pleasantry at the end’

It is very rude to invite others! I wouldn’t be inviting them again.

Yes, that's very weird.

And OP, you must know it's not normal? 😳

Bloody hell no it’s not normal , just extremely rude !!

Going against the grain - if a friend had a family member visiting, I would be very pleased to host the family member.

It's just bad luck that it's so many, which makes it overwhelming.

This feels completely normal to me with a casual get together with long time friends. You’ve invited them. They’ve asked if they can bring a friend/family member along. You either say yes sure or no sorry.

If they’d declined assuming you’d not have welcomed the plus one, you might all have missed a chance to catch up when you would have been happy with an extra guest.

You aren’t happy with the extra guests so reschedule the catch-up to a time your friends are free.

I really don’t want to chat to someone’s mum or teen for hours, that’s not the point of the lunch at all. I had a friend like this, would take her mum to everything. Very codependent. We stopped inviting her.

I think you should just say yes. Make a tuna, egg, chicken salad, buy the potatoe salad, coleslaw and macaroni salad, bread, mayo, chips and pickles and ice tea or whatever and it’s not that big of a deal really and you make long term friends out of it and your friends mother loves you. Win win.

I think if they are close friends it wouldn't bother me. I have friends who might say can I bring my daughter or my mum is staying, can she come and I'd say of course, but that's because I like their mums and daughters and would be happy to see them! But I guess it depends on how well you know them?

Why would the op need their friend mother to have an opinion on the op at all? There is so many woman that seem to fall into the people pleasing 'i need to change so people like me' thing it is odd

If the op wants to say yes they can if not say no, why are women not allowed to just say no?

I don't think it's abnormal - my closest friends would and have done this - they all know my daughter though and I know theirs, and their moms, sisters etc. (Because of exactly this I guess).

If it were friends I knew less well I'd find it odder.

If I realised DD would be with me when I had already accepted an invitation, and for whatever reason (time or distance or whatever) couldn't just leave her at home, I would phrase it more as

"So sorry, dd's dad has had to change access arrangements last minute, so now have dd. Would you prefer to reschedule, or shall I bring her along. Won't be offended and totally happy whichever you prefer. So sorry again. "

This has happened once or twice. Whether or not the person reschedules I think depends on what they are hoping to talk about at the meal/event, whether they want to seek advice on a personal issue etc.....

I think it's more understandable to ask to bring your kids than your mom, but I have at least a couple of friends who have asked to bring their moms to stuff a few times over the years.

My own mom would have no interest.....

Er, no way.

There random teenagers showing up needing feeding??

How cheeky are these people

Playing devils advocate if you have a relation or friend who arrives without warning it would be rude to leave them on their own for an evening. So it does strike me as reasonable to contact the host, explain the circumstances and ask if they want to re-schedule. Taking an uninvited plus one to a meal is forcing the host to extra expense. In the case of OP that meant three extra people to cater for so I would reschedule. Someone once did this with me and I told them to bring the friend. Yes it did alter the vibe but we still had a pleasant evening. However this was a pub evening, so we obviously took it in turns.

Nope of course it's not normal!

Totally cheeky, especially the teens. Who the hell wants other people’s kids who are old enough to be left at what presumably was an adult lunch. I would just say to everyone that you were planning a lunch for four so you will rearrange at a time that suits everyone better.