For being angry at my mum for acting like this after my misscarriage?

[beepbeepbananabread]

I went out with someone who was generally very abusive. I had an unplanned pregnancy which ended in a misscarriage over the summer. Very initially I was distraught, but then kinda went numb after that. Over the last couple of months I've been struggling with what happened a lot, but I don't have anyone to talk to/a safe space to "breakdown". The other evening it all got too much and I couldn't keep it together anymore so I had a mini breakdown.

I was sobbing on the floor of my room and my mum came upstairs to find out what was happening.

She stood and said "Oh God what is it?" not in a worried tone, in a snappy "ffs" kind of tone.

And I said something along the lines of "I'm just struggling to keep it together. I can't hold it together anymore, I'm using all of my mental strength to surpress what happened because it will break me to realise what's happened. But I can't do it anymore. I'm going to break down, I need help with my mental health so badly."

And she said in a snappy tone "Struggling to cope with what?" Like she doesn't know what I've just been through.

I replied "what do you mean?" still crying.

Mum: "Well what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Me "My misscarriage and everything that happened. It's too much."

Mum: "I don't understand why you can't just keep holding it together. You've been fine since it happened."

me: "I haven't been fine, I'm so unhappy and I've been keeping it together but I can't do it anymore."

Mum: "Well go talk to someone then."

She knows I have been sent away by the GP, refused a referral to Mental Health services, and have tried to find organisations to help but to no avail. I don't have money for private therapy or anything. I never bring anything up with my mum anymore because she always acts in a mean way about it, but then gets offended when she thinks you're keeping stuff to yourself.

I'm angry at her for being so abrupt and dismissive. I have been trying SO HARD the last few months to keep going with no one to talk to. I just broke down though.

Anyway, am I being unreasonable to be angry at my mum for reacting like this in response to my "breakdown"?

I am an older lady and had a miscarriage: the memory does not go away and the loss is with me always. The baby would have been my third and last. The best thing nowadays is that you can talk about your loss and will have an opportunity to speak to a charity that deals with your great loss. You will move on and have happier times in the future.

For now look after yourself and hopefully get some help. Keep looking and hopefully you will get help to grieve with sympathy. It does not matter that you were in an abusive relationship. You obviously really wanted and loved your baby.