AIBU, honest advice about complaint again social services

[LovesFood1987]

I was abused severely by my parents for years growing up. The local authority knew all about it and never did anything to protect me (they had police reports, NSPCC referrals, plus I told social workers about our abuse).

I have a complaint meeting coming up with them (it's very historic now but still affects me daily).

Anyone any words of wisdom?! AIBU to expect something from the local authority (eg apology, paying for my counselling) a long time after the event?

If you’re should seek compensation then you need legal advice before you meet with them.

Great advice, thank you 😊

What do you want from this meeting OP?

What can they do/offer that will redress their part in this?

You have a meeting scheduled but don’t even know what you want from it? I’m not sure how this is supposed to help you at this point.

I want a formal written apology accepting they failed (which they absolutely did), an explanation of how children are better protected now and them to pay for some counselling for me.

Thanks very much for your reply 😊

With due respect, they will tell you children are better protected, but are they?
I am sorry OP I really am but I don't think this meeting will get you what you need.
Can you access counselling yourself?

What were the outcomes of previous complaints and referrals?

I agree children are probably not better protected now sadly but I feel it may put pressure on them if I bring this up.

I have accessed counselling myself but it's £50 per session and I don't see why I should pay it when I was the victim of the crime and they were complicit in my abuse for 4 years. They had absolutely loads of evidence of my abuse and they ignored my suffering. This local authority budget is over £1.1 BILLION PER YEAR!!? They can afford the counselling a lot more than I can 😢

I really hope you get the answers you're looking for.

Good luck with that. I doubt you'll get any of that. They won't apologise as it can be taken as an admission of guilt that can then be used to sue them.

Surely you could access counselling via your GP?

Words of wisdom, move on. I say this as someone who suffered an abusive childhood, schools knew about it but nothing happened. It's hard to remove children and being in care is often very difficult too. Your parents are to blame but they are the past. Your life is yours now, make the most of it.

I was told for historical sexual abuse you have a time scale to apply for compensation, even if it can be proved their were people that failed you. Might of changed now

Thanks for all the replies 😊

The GP waiting list is years long and only offers 6 sessions which is not even 1 session for each year I was abused, just no where near enough sadly 😢

You've got zero chance of them paying for your counselling services. They may acknowledge that they could have done things differently. However, depending on the circumstances, they are unlikely to have been the only authority involved. Your parents are to blame here too. Presumably you have zero contact with them now. Employers often have EAPs to access counselling as does the NHS. Social service budgets will not cover this.

Bullet point every failure and detail where they went wrong. Then with each failure, tell them what outcome you’re looking for. Agree at the meeting a timeline for each agreed action.

Is this a meeting following a stage 1 complaint? You are entitled to take it to stage 2 if you aren’t happy with their response.

I hope your meeting goes well. Are you taking anyone with you? I’d also suggest taking notes if they don’t have someone taking minutes. You should expect however a formal letter afterwards.

Thanks for your reply 😊 I am looking for all different views so it is really helpful 😊

I have previously done counselling through work but again it's only 6 sessions so not enough sadly 😢

Absolutely my parents were number 1 to blame, but the local authority were given millions every year in tax to fulfil their legal obligations to abused children (who didn't chose their parents, or the local authority they live in).

They weren't the only authority involved but they are the only ones who hugely messed up. The school/police etc all did what they were meant to do and sent reports to the local authority about our abuse, just the local authority ignored the referrals they received sadly 😢

Thanks again for your reply 😊

The people who abused you are most at fault and thats where your anger should be directed.

I can understand wanting to blame but your energy is best directed to moving towards and writing this into a coherent narrative for yourself and living with it moving towards, not looking back to what should have been.

Try to think realistically about what you want from the meeting and what you can reasonably expect the local authority to do
seek advice from a solicitor if you can - guard against coming away from the meeting feeling re victimised

I'm so sorry about what happened to you, but Social Services will not genuinely apologise or do anything that costs a single penny unless perhaps ordered to do so by a judge.

The people who let you down probably don't even work for SS any longer.
The ones who do now won't feel responsible for what other people did or did not do years before.

If you have siblings how are they dealing with the situation

I think there is a value in you pursuing this. Given that it is historical there is nothing to prevent them admitting fault and I think it is important for you to hear this. As a social worker I would sometimes need to read historical files and it was often absolutely heartbreaking.

I think it is good that you are clear about what you want out of this. I don't know if they will pay for your counselling although I agree that they should. I think you need to focus on the most important thing being the apology as this will allow you to get some sense of closure, which needs to be the purpose of the process.

The only way you’ll get them to pay for counselling is if you seek financial compensation to cover it. You’d need legal representation from lawyers preferably experienced in such cases and offering a “no win no fee service”. If the social workers who dealt with your case are still working do you want them held accountable?

Local authorities take learning from complaints. It’s helpful for events to be reported and logged officially so don’t be dissuaded by some posters. I would say however that no local authority is a bottomless pit of money. You might be able to request a limited figure for counselling but it won’t be easy. Have you approached a solicitor if you feel so strongly that they should fund counselling?

You need to sue them
and you need to file subject access requests

they don’t have the money and they will do nothing until you force them. Not in a bad way, it’s just how this works

you need to prove they have failed in their duty of care/statutory responsibility

and they need to pay